Nanny Novice..

[NannyNovice]

Have been reading through lots of threads and have hundreds of questions.

Firstly.. Nannies taking children out? Which rules do you set, ie times, money, meeting others, places etc

Secondly.. Do you give your nanny complete autonomy throughout the day re activities, food, outings or prefer to leave a check list?

Thirdly, anyone have any horrific stories of what should be avoided /things to be aware of?

Thanks

I meant waking early as he didn't need the sleep in the day so that he would sleep 7 - 7.

Know what you mean about 5am and foul by evening - had one of those this week. She was very disagreeable - tried to turn her round by telling her that I liked her the most when she was happy as she reminded me of a princess we then had a strop as she didn't want to be a princess ever!

im lucky.... even though our school run starts at 7.50, given half a chance they are NEVER awake a moment before 8am and by the end of the summer hols make it 8.30

lol at princess strop!

Another question! Nanny required to work before and after school term time and full days during all holidays.

How would you suggest paying this?

Thoughts are either by the hour and her pay will vary month to month or adding up all hours and then dividing it by 52, or 12, to make the wage the same every month. Think the latter may be easier with tax?

It is certainly easiest for tax if you smooth the salary year-round.

However - that can have a slight sort of psychological effect, in that those long hour holiday days end up being paid "no more" than those short term-time days - obviously this isn't a rational thing to be bothered about as it's just perception, but it really does seem to have a - psychological isn't really the right word - motivational? attitudinal? - something like that - effect.

What we do is a partial smoothing - some, only, of the full-time pay gets smoothed into the year-round part-time salary - so that nanny has a good basic year-round wage, but the long-hour holiday days still get recognised by attracting a slightly higher take-home. It is complicated though! - and this reminds me I need to speak to the agency about updating records of her full-time days.

PS - smoothing at all is pretty essential, as part-time hours, unless awe-inspiringly well-paid, are quite difficult to live on.

Nannies, do you feel the same? Devils advocat again.... you are a wealth of knowledge bink!

would you expect the nanny to be available during the day term time say in case the children were ill or would they be free to get another job in that time.

if you need them to be available then you should be paying them.

some people pay a retainer amount for those hours not needed at all times but just if child is ill.

so maybe a yearly net salary would be better

i am a sole charge nanny - I dont like shared care, well actually I have never done it, as all my jobs have been sole charge BUT when parents are around with the nanny, children are generally more badly behaved

I have had 2 MB on ML and sometimes parents in this job and other jobs might work from home (though rare) BUT I am still in charge, the children ask me if they want something, and I have no hesitation in telling children off whether parents are there or not

I also do what I like, when I want BUT as nannyl said I also wouldnt do anything that I know my employers wouldnt like

regards to pay, although a same monthy income is handy to budget, it is nicer to earn more if working 10+hr days rather than earn the same iykwim

re termtime/holiday hours. we paid an hourly rate for a 40 hour week of which we used 30 hours every week with the additional 10 available if we needed them - so essentially on a retainer basis. Then, in the holidays when we needed 55 hour weeks we paid overtime for the additional 15 hours. Given the hourly rates, our finances and our nanny's income needs this worked well for us.

Mrs Wobble - a proper accountant's arrangement!

Re the autonomy thing, I think another key thing is the age of your children. My nanny - who is wonderful and hugely experienced - has complete autonomy, because I am entirely comfortable that she will either do things exactly as I wanted, or if not, that it will be for a good and defendable reason to which common sense has been applied. So I might think occasionally "Ok, I wouldn't do that, but I can see why she did and its not a stupid decision at all". My DCs are 6 and 4.

When they were smaller I did have more of a view over their routine, just because I thought that routine was important and I wanted to work with our nanny (a different one)on something that we were all agreed on. Having said that, her views as to the routine were equally valid with mine, so it wasn't micromanagement so much as being more involved in day to day issues.

I think if you micro manage you end up with either a pissed off nanny or a good one who does not stay. One of my acquaintences used to put out clothes for the children to wear and leave a long daily list of issues. Her nannies did not stay longer that a year and she routinely spoke of them as being quite useless and indecisive which I think is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

By the way, I'm extremely controlling on most things , but even I can see this delegation as a good thing.

thing is why pay a dog, but bark yourself

not that I am calling myself a dog, but you know what I mean

if you employ a nanny, you have to trust her, to make good decisions over things, while you are at work

I am micro managed @ work. I thought this was the way it was for every nanny. Doubting competancy now as we speak!

Bump, any advice on how to deal with this?

S'ABC, how long have you been in your job? Are you the family's first nanny, or have they had others before you? (What I'm trying to find out is how easy it might be to change the dynamic - whether it's an entrenched pattern, or whether it can be changed easily.)

If you're their first nanny, and not been there very long, then I think your first step should be a sort of campaign of initiative - come up with masses of ideas and make suggestions: playdates to arrange, when/where to get hair cut, what the children might like to do for a special day out, different kinds of food to try them with, ideas for helping development - just lots of ideas, showing how much thought you put into the job. You might have to don a thick skin at first, as they might not accept your input right away, but keep going & eventually they should realise you are a resource - not just a functionary - and start to respect you for that (and accordingly, allow you more freedom in how you work).

Of course if it becomes clear they're not interested whatever you suggest, or see your suggestions as threats to their authority - then that's your answer & you'll know whether you want to continue in that sort of job.

Nanny no1, been in position 5 months. Have lots of own ideas try hard to implement them too.

Feel bad saying anything negative but lists are par for the course every day.

I'll be honest, it's starting to get me down.

Can you give us an example of the types of things in the list?

Is it just - can you give 'x' a,b and c for lunch and she will need a nap at 1pm. Or is it more specific - like whether she wants you to take her to the park etc

Things like, x wants to play with.

Play with certain resource for an hour or so.

Buy x,y,z.

Seems really petty putting it in here but can get a weeeee bit much.

Treading delicately - is the mum "influenced" by any particular kind of child-rearing theory? - so that there is a programme, or schedule, or routine, she is trying to follow, so thinks there will be some dreadful fall-out if the routine isn't stuck to?

If so, then I guess the only way is to read up on that particular approach & then say, "X showed particular interest in resource Y - how about we move on from resource Y to resource Z"? (So join in, but beat her at her own game kind of idea?)

If not, then suggest you pick a topic (feeding always a good one!) & aim to "own" it by leaving a suggested menu covering a few days "for comments".

More importantly - how have you tried to implement your own ideas so far, and what have the reactions been?

Hmmmm - can understand why you may be a bit peeved - especially after 6 months.

Could you maybe draw up an advanced timetable. Do one for a whole working week. Break it down into hourly segments and fill in things that you already do regularly and some things that you might like to do - include all sleeps, meals etc. Alongside it draw up a meal planner with favourite foods and a few new things you might like to introduce.

Present it to Mum and say that you thought a timeatable might be a good idea for both of you to save the need for the day to day instructions. Point out that it will save Mum time in the mornings. Also tell her to add to it if there's anything you've missed. Tell her that you can both review it from time to time as the little ones needs change. You could also drop in that this was something that you covered on a course/at college and that lots of parents/nannies find it useful.

Hopefully she'll be pleased at your initiative and after following it for a while she'll see that you are fully competent and be prepared to step back a bit!

simple - not suprised you have had enough

does she not trust you to be able to make decisions about what toy/activity to play with, and making you do a time limit

we might do paining/playdough but after 15mins charge might have had enough of it

not sure about a time table, sounds very structured, what happens if you want to go to park,meet friends for a swim etc, or do something not on time table?

Just thought a timetable may show Mum that she can organise the day to day needs of her charge.

Mum doesn't have to suddenly let go of the 'reins' and can have some input as to the timetable and hopefully after a while she will realise that the nanny can do things without the autonomy that is currently in place.

Must admit I don't work to a timetable either. Today dad was working from home so we did more outdoors things to give him some peace to work.