Nanny Novice..

[NannyNovice]

Have been reading through lots of threads and have hundreds of questions.

Firstly.. Nannies taking children out? Which rules do you set, ie times, money, meeting others, places etc

Secondly.. Do you give your nanny complete autonomy throughout the day re activities, food, outings or prefer to leave a check list?

Thirdly, anyone have any horrific stories of what should be avoided /things to be aware of?

Thanks

On your first & second questions, basically one hovers a bit (tells nanny one's own preferences, asks nanny how she's done things in previous jobs, asks nanny what's planned, talks things through, etc. etc. - basically lots of information exchange) for the first few weeks & then, when you realise the nanny knows exactly what she/he's doing & is a competent grown-up, you back off.

(Or, of course, if after a week or two you realise nanny hasn't a clue, then you step in & impose rules/take other action.)

There aren't specific norms about these things - some parents are quite restrictive (no children on public transport; no other nannies/charges round at mealtimes; etc.); some parents are completely hands-off. I'm rather in the latter category - though I do ask my nanny to leave me a note of what she plans to feed the children for tea through the week - that is mostly so that I can make sure we have the provisions, but also because (by her own admission) meal-planning & cooking isn't her strongest point, & she quite likes it if I make suggestions for new ideas.

Thanks! That was a really quick response. Would expect to keep a nanny diary going more for reflection and any problems which arise but I am not expecting to have to leave a note of step by step stuff every day?

I know a mum who does do this though, would this indicate a clueless nanny or something else?

This is a minefield!

Daily step by step note (after, let's say, a month of employment) would either indicate clueless nanny or control-freak mum, or both.

My nanny and I write each other masses of notes - notebooks full now, she's been with us nearly 2 years - but they are things like "piano lessons went really well" and "don't worry about the fishcakes, I'll pick them up tomorrow".

Thanks! Are there any mums who do this out there who don't consider themselves control freaks?

Sorry Bink, playing devils advocat here!

That's OK - interesting question!

(I would though, if allowed, counsel against getting into micro-management, like that, (unless actually needed, re inexperienced nanny or something) - as the joy of having a nanny is knowing that your child is in the hands of someone who has consciously taken on complete responsibility: and so you really are free to concentrate on work - without thinking, oh no, I didn't tell X to change the sheets, so she won't, and then I'll have to do it tonight, oh no I can't as I'll be home after bedtime, so it'll have to be Saturday, but we're going out, so that won't work, and then when on earth am I going to be able to iron the washed sheets ... etc. etc. The other important thing is that good, commonsensical, energetic nannies MUCH MUCH prefer being trusted with making their own decisions & having autonomy. So you will get a better quality of nanny - usually - if you are not a micro-manager.)

Sorry to be so bossy. Ignore if you wish!

No, boss away! So... in terms of an inexperienced nanny, how long would you expect to do this mirco managing for?

Depends on the person!
Our current nanny hadn't nannied before - she'd been a nursery teacher - and I think we needed two weeks, no more, of talking about what needed doing, & putting together typical schedules to follow (& test out - she of course could come back & say "this doesn't quite work, shall we try this other way?"), before she was flying solo.

That was with a 7 and 5 year old though. And she is a thoroughly competent sensible person.

When she was away for 6 weeks we took on her friend (also a teacher rather than a nanny) as her stand-in and the friend took a week or so to take over the (by now, rather smoothly-running) ropes confidently.

So the norm for nannies is then NOT to have such step by step stuff?

My illusions are shattered! Less work this way, more responsibility for nannies..

Next question then..

Come on nannies, tell me, would you be happier with more responsibility or more instructions?

So questions thus far are:

Firstly.. Nannies taking children out? Which rules do you set, ie times, money, meeting others, places etc

Secondly.. Do you give your nanny complete autonomy throughout the day re activities, food, outings or prefer to leave a check list?

Thirdly, anyone have any horrific stories of what should be avoided /things to be aware of?

Fourth, Come on nannies, tell me, would you be happier with more responsibility or more instructions?
Thanks bink!

No children on public transport?! Why ever not??

As a nanny, I cannot stand to be micromanaged.

I know how the children respond to certain things, I know how the youngest would HATE to have to wait at a certain activity.

I alter my plans defendant on the children's moods so I can make sure they are as happy and satisfied as possible - so if the youngest is crying out for attention - I won't change the sheets that day - I'll spend the afternoon doing art and craft with him instead.

Lucy

i think a lot depends on what sort of nanny you are thinking of employing and, as Bink has already said, the extent of your control freak tendencies.

The only really important thing is that you and your nanny agree on the level of autonomy - if either of you is unhappy then the relationship can become very difficult. I always felt it was important not to sweat the small stuff if I was happy overall and if I wasn't happy overall then to deal with the cause not the symptoms if you see what I mean.

It is also immensely helpful if you are consistent and predictable in your dealings wiht the nanny - you want them to be able to guess your reaction accurately so that they do what you would have asked or can prepare an explanation as to why they didn't. I'm thinking of things like unforeseen school cake sales etc - do you allow your children cakes or not? It's hardly the most crucial decision ever but if can be a source of irritation if they get it wrong and potentially massive micro management if you required them to phone you for a decision. It's also much fairer to them.

Mrs Wobble; good point about it being important to guess your employers perspectives. I screen employers so I only ever end up working for people with almost identical values / habits to myself

When I nannied I expected sole charge, this meant that I had pretty much complete autonomy over what we did during the day. I organised all doctor/dentist/HV/hairdressers etc etc. I also with discussions with the parents helped choose extra curricular activities. Playdates were down to me to sort out also. I used public transport on many occasions and went overseas with children in my sole care on many occasions.

I would say it comes down to lots of communication and when you feel comfortable with a nanny you will feel able to let go a little bit and let them get on with the job they are trained and experienced in. It is after all what you are paying them for.

As a nanny I would hate to be micro-managed but have found it helpful to have things set out clearly in the first few weeks. That way I know that I am/am not doing what is expected of me within me job.

As the employer you are the boss and ultimately have the final say on how you want your childrens day to be structured. It could be that you talk to your nanny about what sort of activities you would like included during the week and then see what sort of schedule she comes up with.

Having ananny is different to having a childminder as the latter sets up her own daily routine and your children have to fit in with her whereas having a nanny means you can have a routine that you feel suits your children and one that you may caryy on with on your nan working days. Particularly suitable if you have a baby - if you know that they regularly sleep from 11 - 12 and 2.30 - 3.30 you can structure your weekend around that routine so that your baby doesn't get too disrupted.

I've just taken on a nanny and when I was interviewing I made it clear that the only thing that I felt strongly about was that my youngest child had to have her longest nap at home in her cot. This is because she doesn't really sleep outside the house very well and if she doesn't get enough sleep, she gets very upset.

Other than that, they are free to do most things with them. But having to come back in the afternoon for a sleep can be restrictive (I find it restrictive and I'm her mum but she's a sensitive little soul) and I wanted to make it clear that that was what I expected and if the nanny wasn't happy to do it (at least until my baby is old enough to go without a nap or could make do with a shorter one) then we weren't a good match.

Most were fine about it but the trick is to make sure you make it clear what you expect in the interview and then anyone who doesn't like it, is free to walk away from the potential job.

Slight diversion... 5th question! Would it be acceptable for a nanny to leave as a result of feeling micro managed?

I'm thinking now of the mum I mentioned, a friend of a friend rather than a direct acquaintence, who definately "micro manages" but I wouldn't have known this was the name for it this morning!

General curiousity, would appreciate your opinions though.

Im a nanny

i do with the children what I Like
I feed them whatever i feel like, wherever i feel like.... ie at their home, at a nanny friends ("work") home, in a cafe, picnic etc.
We eat with friends a LOT (i would say 3 - 4 lunch times a week we eat with friends, more meals with friends in the holidays

and its up to ME exactly what happens with the chidlren when i work.... this is exactly hoe i like it (and tbh i wouldnt even a consider a job where the parenst decidied what I had t do!)

I have a large circle of nanny friends.... we all see / know each other and the children are all friends with each other too. (my bosses are Drs.... many of their Dr collegues also have nannies, so often the children / nannies i meet up with in my time, my bosses might meet with in their weekends too)

This seems to work for all of us nannies / children / 'bosses'

basically there is always a fridge / freezer / cupboards etc full of food for me to feed the children (and myself)(and i consider it my absolute duty to ensure the children are given a varied healthy balanced diet, so they do [wink)...

also whilst i do what I like i would always go along with specific parental preferences (ie nap times / sleeping IN a cot, going swimming / to specific groups etc)

saying that ALL my nanny friends have travel cots / highchairs etc so its VERY easy to put children for naps in travel cots etc at each others houses (In fact where I work the travel cot remain up in 1 of the spare rooms all the time as its used soo often!)

Also all of my nanny friends charges all have a similar routine of morning activity, lunch, sleep, afternoon activity, tea etc so all the younger children know, and expect to be put to bed after lunch no matter what... and they do... and it works

Im very happy to go along with parental preference etc but ultimately like to decide all exact details myself, to fit into our fun and busy week that we always seem to have!

Most nannies who are sole-charge, ie when the parents are out (slightly different circumstances when parents work-from-home) prefer to do things their way.

It has been a main sticking point of mine, and I unfortunately had to leave a lovely job recently because the Mum was on maternity leave and decided not to go back to work, but still wanted a full-time nanny. Her daughter didn't do well with having both mum & nanny around as she never knew who was in charge, etc. (age 1.5) so I left. Sad, but I prefer to be a sole-charge nanny, not shared charge.

Going out, etc. is very common sense. Nannies probably won't run the children ragged, but won't want to stay cooped up all day either. I'd say 2-3 playdates a week, maybe 2 scheduled activities, and the remainder of mornings/afternoons free to improvise. Just make sure to pay your nanny's travel expenses if in London, this was another touchy subject for me, as employers don't always realise out of the kitty must come Oyster card charges!

Thanks Cottage Chicken. I'm worried that if I took on a nanny and was too OTT she'd maybe then leave... I'm sensing that this is an acceptable possibility, ie who'd want to be bossed about (not intentionally of course).

Can anyone give me an idea of specific instructions of a note that they would leave or that their bosses would leave for them?

Thanks

nannyL

I'm really glad you added this bit;

also whilst i do what I like i would always go along with specific parental preferences (ie nap times / sleeping IN a cot, going swimming / to specific groups etc)

sometimes nannies seem to think that they are the parents and should have total free rein whereas they are 'employees' (though hopefully treated more like friends) and the children do not belong to them but to their parents

Nannynovice...

my bosses wouldnever ever leave me a note...

actually thats not true, i think i have once or twice been left notes simlar to 'cake in cake tin ' please eat the remains of our sunday roast today (as it needs eating etc)

(I have to say i HATE notes, i really really hate them actually)

basicaly, i get there, do breakfast, school runs, activities, meals and bath children and give them back at the end of the day!
By the end of the week we have done lots of diffrent types of activites, eaten a HUGE variety of nutritouse food, the washing / ironing / beds are done, and if my bosses are lucky we will have made them a cake or smething tastey for the weekend too!

(nbee glad you liked that bit..... i think its fine for parents to have a few specific things to want your nanny to do, but generally let them get on with it!)

(my bosses liked my charge to have his sleep in a cot (in a dark-ish room, but it didnt have to be his cot IYSWIM)

Right now my charge is nearly 3.... mummy and daddy NEVER put him down for a nap anymore but i always ensure he has 45mins in bed (with books, because thats what I like to do

Lol about the cake for the weekend - my boss specifically said that cakes are best made early in the week so that they don't end up on her hips!

Re the sleep - if mb asked that he didn't have a sleep as he was waking at 5am I'm presuming you would comply?

i have nannied both shared and sole care dont mind either.

a nanny who wouldnt do any shared care has always concerned me a little - what have they got to hide that they dont want parents to see.

I am completly confident in my care of children and do exactly the same no matter whose around, i wouldnt hestitate to dicipline a child even if mum was standing there.

I proxy parent for a family and last year when they were nannyless for several months i did every sat they have 4 children and they were both home and it meant all the children could have some one-one time with parents and the older 2 got to go out with one or the other parent. Loved being there with them real family atmosphere never felt an outsider. Also used one of my annual leave weeks to help them out and mum is a stay ay home mum. Have to say really doent bother me.

I think as parents you should be able to leave lists of what you want done with the children that week - doesnt matter what day as long as its done,, be able to write a menu is you wish. - but remember this may be unnecssary work if you have a highly comptent nanny.

well yes nbee, if it was a problem id obviously comply.... IMO children ip ay 5am are FOUL by the evening anyway

my charge doesnt have a sleep

he has a 'rest' and i watch the news with my cup of tea

should say UP AT (I have a dodgy keyboard with lots of letters rubbed off at the mo!)