Nursery settling not going well

[littlebopeep1991]

my little boy has been trying to settle at nursery for three weeks now and it’s not going well. he’s been doing 2 or 3 sessions every week. There’s been very slight improvement but hardly. He gets so upset he’s made himself sick, had nose bleeds, lost his voice twice from crying so much. He has had the odd 5 minutes without crying whilst there.
He is 13.5 months. All the nursery have said is some family’s pull them out and others carry on and they do eventually settle but it’s not often they’re as upset as he has been. Has anyone experienced a little one be this upset as this and what the outcome was with childcare? Not sure if we should try him in a childminder, keep going or look if we can afford an alternative solution.

Not at all there are brilliant nurseries and brilliant CMS there are also awful ones of both....I assess childcare so go into a variety.....my argument is your saying a crap nursery is always better than a childminder regardless of that childminders skill.

Wow that’s insane @littlebopeep1991 why would they expect a baby to be ok with being handed to a total stranger? It contradicts all attachment theory and I think I’d be having a meeting with the manager about this. If they refuse to budge on it I’d look for alternative childcare that does allow a proper phased introduction that includes you. This kind of settling in is what’s recommended by organisations like NCT, and honestly I don’t think I’d be comfortable leaving my kids in a childcare environment that didn’t understand this.

https://www.nct.org.uk/information/life-parent/support-change/settling-your-baby-childcare

i have contacted some childminders that seem to regularly be recommended in our local Facebook group. Are there things you would particularly recommend I ask or look out for?

Id say start with an initial chat, see if you have similar values and get a good vibe, are they interested and warm with baby. Look at any references how long have children been there, have they had siblings return. Will they do a second visit with mindees present so you can see the bond and relationship. How is the settling done. What experience do they have....then you have the usual what's the routine etc. are they interested in the job as a career...... qualifications other than mandatory first aid and safeguarding. Always read through a contract and get a copy. Most should be happy to meet you and have a few discussions it's normal not to keep a space until parents have signed contracts so if your interested make sure you let them know.

@jannierthats great Thankyou

The point of a secure attachment is building confidence if your lo has been well supported as a baby the next stage should be easier....some of the most clingy ( for want of a better description) babies have gone on to be the most confident outgoings of children when they leave me for reception.

My son at the same age was pretty distraught at first, he did settle, but if I had any choice whatsoever I would have delayed him starting until he had more language to be reassured about when mummy is coming back. If you can afford nanny or childminder or delaying work I would do that.

How long did it take to settle in the end?

Your lo will be fine today I had a 14 month old who doesn't even stay with gran or let daddy feed him, run in excited to see the others....school hols so 2 almost 3 year olds and 2 schoolies ....he was laughing and giggling and actually calling a couple of their names....in his version of babble. You will get there once your lo feels secure.