Nursery settling not going well

[littlebopeep1991]

my little boy has been trying to settle at nursery for three weeks now and it’s not going well. he’s been doing 2 or 3 sessions every week. There’s been very slight improvement but hardly. He gets so upset he’s made himself sick, had nose bleeds, lost his voice twice from crying so much. He has had the odd 5 minutes without crying whilst there.
He is 13.5 months. All the nursery have said is some family’s pull them out and others carry on and they do eventually settle but it’s not often they’re as upset as he has been. Has anyone experienced a little one be this upset as this and what the outcome was with childcare? Not sure if we should try him in a childminder, keep going or look if we can afford an alternative solution.

We do this as far as possible as he’s 13 months so really doesn’t have any interest in reward charts but we do get them so give him bananas which are his favourite food and i avoid giving at home much and takes his favourite toys

yes my thought was if it’s in a home its more like we have gone on a play date

Can you find a childminder or 1-1 babysitter? The nursery are telling you it's unusual. 13.5 months is young. It has ruptured his attachment safety.

If the childminder is good it’s great. If they’re flaky it’s not great. You’re relying on one person and there are pros and cons to that. Personally I couldn’t hack the upset so for me it was worth risking the possibility of an unreliable CM!

Not a single one! I didn’t realise when we signed him up they don’t allow any parents into the classroom. I have asked them to reconsider this but they have stood firm. I didn’t even know this is a thing but apparently a few nursery’s are like this since Covid as they found many kids settled better this way.

I think CM are suboptimal, care in someone else domestic home in a mixed age group
Nursery is better quality imo
Its been 3 wk you need to be more fake it to make it positive
Let him chose nursery clothes, put items in his bag, chose snack, get into the routine of it big it up

this makes me so sad to think. Someone in our own home would be better but financially I’m not sure it makes any sense to work if that’s what we have to do.

We managed for about 6 months and took ours out. It wasn’t for him. We went with a childminder who is best friend of our good friend. So I felt trustworthy from their judgment.

Best thing we ever did, he settled straight away with the mixed ages and thrived.

we are about to start pre-school / school age 3 nursery in September and I am DREADING it

He's a baby! 13 months. One to one care with a cm in her home is not suboptimal! Goodness do some research.

• I dont mean he'll be the only child but they can build a one to one bond. She'll know him well and he only has to get used to the one caregiver.

Does the handover always happen to the same person so he can build a bond? I'm a cm parents have normally come and stayed...paperwork, initial chats etc....three or four times before leaving baby for an hour. We then build it up daily until they settle then rever to the contracted working hours.

It’s one of three people usually :(

Yep! I think some kids are suited to nursery and some aren't!

Pardon....so really annoying adequate rated nursery with high staff turnover and relying on 18 year old apprentices is always better than a childminder even if they have been rated outstanding for 12 years, got a degree in early education done specialised courses in various things from language development, adverse experiences, supporting children with SEND etc? Have you used a childminder?

Cm in my opinion is suboptimal as essentially the child in someone else domestic setting in a mixed age group. It’s not homely. It’s a kid fitting around someone else domestic routine
I chose nursery for the age appropriate rooms and not reliant on one person. I did my research

I had a similar experience and it was fairly pain free at preschool age. Hopefully it will be similar for you!

That is against the whole idea of a key worker and attachment theory where it's recognised young children need to feel safe and secure with a consistent caregiver the lo won't know who they are going to be handed to so it's going to be harder. Baby should be mainly with their key worker especially on handovers.

They generally fit their domestic routine around the kids. Usually they go to groups and out for walks during the day, which I think is nicer than being stuck in a nursery all day.

Pardon what? You chose what your happy with and I’ll do the same
Bring the apprentices forward I say

From what I remember them saying they would wait to see who he bonded with best and then that would Be his key worker

for some children (and it’s hard to know which ones!) nursery isn’t the right fit. It’s totally ok to explore other avenues - I think childminders are potentially kinder but only if you can get a good honest experienced one with maybe one other child (during the early years). Interestingly DD has done her work experience in a nursery recently and came out saying she would never put her baby in a large nursery. Not because it was dangerous or really awful, just because they employed too many unqualified transient young people.

So in your opinion a natural family environment is not good for a baby they are better where they have to compete for attention with three others at the same developmental stage lined up in high chairs and taking turns to have a spoonful of food. Similarly should families only be one child families?
Children learn from other children they copy speech, follow older children etc. because they are exposed to much more conversation in a baby room there are a couple of adults...and sometimes teenagers chatting about the weekend...and 9 or so babbling babies.

That makes bonding harder how comfortable do you feel if you go for an appointment say a massage or hair and don't know who your seeing until you arrive? A good nursery will be consistent from day one if over time a child shows preference for another staff member they can change key workers.

Of course you choose what your happy with but to imply a failing nursery is better than an outstanding childminder is mad.....you do know they are all inspected by the same inspectors to the same standards? That a childminder can have 4 adults working together? That inorder to take funding they have to be graded in the same way and certainly in my LA have had the early years teaching team involved? An inspector will grill the childminder for hours one to one...everything you do is watched every word you say to children scrutinised. You can't duck a question or pass it off to someone else. While your being asked about the EYFS welfare requirements you have to be spot on with meeting the needs and educating the children.

You’re just engaging in hyperbole. Of course you’ve created a narrative of failing nursery with felon staff or aPhD psychotherapist who just happens to be a CM

I would switch to a childminder, he might just feel more comfortable in a smaller setting.