Childminder asking me to drop her daughter to work

[theactual]

Wasn’t really sure where to put this.. My DD goes to a childminder 2 days a week. I usually collect somewhere between 4-5pm depending when my meetings finish.

Last week when I dropped her off she sprung on me that she wouldn’t be able to take her daughter to work as she would still have the other 2 children and it’s a faff loading them all in the car, so asked when I collected DD could I drop her to work. It’s about a 10 min drive from my house, not a massive diversion. I was a bit taken by surprise but just said yes that’s fine. Her daughter is 19 and works in a restaurant.

She’s just text asking if I can drop her daughter to work both days this week that I collect. I’m worried this is now going to become a ‘thing’. I was actually going to collect DD early tomorrow and take her to the beach.. but I don’t want her to be annoyed at me and therefore take it out on DD. (Though I know that’s probably unlikely).

How would you respond? I thought I was helping her as a one off..

I’d say “no, sorry, I can’t, I’m taking DD to the beach” and then leave it there

I will say that for tomorrow, but I don’t have any excuse for Wednesday. I could just do it.. but then will it become a weekly thing.

Why can't the daughter get herself to the job?
Isn't this something they should have thought of?

It seems a bit off to me to ask you to do this, unless you're both friends as well as having childminder relationship, which I'm guessing isn't the case

No, we aren’t really friends. I chat to her at drop off/pick up but nothing more outside of that. It’s a 13 minute cycle, presumably she can ride a bike.. it’s just awkward now as I’ve done it once.

Just say you didn’t mind doing it that nice to help her out, but you can’t do this regularly as you often take dd places afterwards and this week you’re going to the beach.

no - dont start this!

do it this once and explain its a one off, you want to do things after work and not wanting to be commited to this! madness

Will you get a discount on childminding fees? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes say this!

This is good.

Just say you can't this week because one day you're going to the beach and the other your going to Tesco/your mum's house/have to rush back to let a plumber in.

Hopefully she'll get the hint.

Thanks everyone, I’ve made my excuses.. hate being a yes person and wish I wasn’t!

Just laugh and say no that was a one off as a favour does she not have a bike?

You don't need to explain OP. Just say 'No, sorry'.

Surely the 19yr old thought about transport before taking the job! Her options are:
-Walk
-Bike
-Public transport
-Asking her partner for a lift (if relevant)
-Her childminder mum straps 2 kids into their car and takes the teen! 🙄

Heck, why doesn't the teen ask her a random customer in her restaurant to come and collect her to take her to the job??? IMO, that is similar to asking you, a paying customer of the child minder, to become a taxi service. CF of a child minder.

Thanks everyone, I’ve made my excuses

What did she say?

Wow that is SO cheeky of the childminder wtaf!?

She just said ‘oh never mind just thought I’d ask’ 🙃

I don’t really understand much about childminders but I wouldn’t be happy as a paying customer if she was putting my child in her car and driving around in this heat to run a personal errand. Surely she does this outside of her working hours.

Sometimes you can’t help but do ‘personal errands’ whilst working. Obviously, this is a different situation but I take the children places if I have to. If one of the dogs needs to see the vet then that can only happen during my working hours. Same for doctors and dental appointments. The only way round it is if I close and then parents need to find alternative care. Everything can be a learning experience and many parents choose a childminder because it really is a home from home which involves the usual everyday things. I always try and do things outside of working hours but it’s just not always possible.

@Tootsyknickers
I have never seen anyone take young children to the dentist with them. I think it is a safety issue.

I've taken my toddler in with me, he is in his buggy

Actually, it’s a great experience for young children. It gets them used to a dentist, they can see what happens and what a dentist does. It helps prepare them for when they have a dentist appointment and that it’s nothing to be scared of.

likewise, the children have seen me have a blood test and have vaccinations. They can see it’s not a scary process and nothing to be worried about. This really helps when they have to have a needle used for any reason as it’s not an alien concept to them, they’ve seen an adult have it and they are prepared for what happens.

Out of interest, what do you think parents do when they have a dental appointment?

I wouldn’t want my DC being taken to the doctors for someone else’s appointment. To start with there’s lots of sick people in the waiting rooms, doctors usually overrun and may end up having to wait for half an hour plus, and then in the appointment the children would have to listen to sensitive information or things they shouldn’t really see. Fine for a baby but when they’re 2,3,4 it’s not really appropriate. I have 2 DCs and don’t take them for my doctor or dentist appointments.

“Absolutely, happy to drop DD off at work this week as a favour. Not sure what your plans are going forward but unfortunately I won’t be able to make it a regular thing as I often have other commitments in my morning”

I can understand that this is not convenient for you, the childminder was stepping outside of the relationship between childminder and parent by asking and that a 19 year old with a job should be able to get there under her own steam...

But a very small part of me wonders if this is how the village is supposed to work... helping each other...

For anything sensitive, I book time off and close. You are very lucky if you don’t need to take children to appointments, many parents don’t have that choice.

The parents who bring their children to me are all more than happy for me to take the children. Doctors and dentists are part and parcel of normal family life. Parents appreciate that children are ‘desensitised’ as such and see these things as a positive experience. They all report rather children chat about it, if old enough, and it makes a positive difference when the children have had to have dental check ups or vaccinations. As I said, it’s also a great learning tool as we learn about different professions. If a child never attends and appointment with and adult and sees that there’s nothing scary about it then, for many children, this can cause fear and worry when it’s their turn to visit. Especially for dental appointments.

sadly, I don’t have a choice to book appointments outside of my working hours. I have children 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. If I had to close for appointments then parents would have to source alternative care. This is extremely difficult for many and they appreciate that they don’t have to do this because I take the children with me.

It was a while ago for me but I used to go to the dentist on a Saturday or my MIL came over for a couple of hours. It suppose it is OK if a baby or toddler is in a buggy but you can’t have them running round at the dentists and as I said I have never seen it.
Yes I have taken my children with me to the doctor. On one occasion when I had a hospital appointment for an xray, a man in his 70s was being told off for bringing his grandchild with him. He was asked who they thought was going to look after the child while he had his xray?