I put my career on hold, turned down promotions and now earn next to nothing having started and running my own company to be more flexible around my children. I share the work load and childcare with my partner. One complements the other where we can.
Society today is driven by the economy not humanity. I believe in business & capitalism but it needs to be balanced.
Governments want to see growth in the economy and want all parents working as much as possible, there has been increasing push on this over the years and people told they need to get back to work after having children asap. Raising children has also been devalued and considered a burden.
You state "I see my job as my adult time, something I’m proud of and an investment into my pension." You should be proud of your achievements but you should also be proud to be a parent and what you achieve through that. Child raising is seen as a burden and less important than a career. When you look back what are you more likely to say "I wish I had spent more time at the office" or "I wish I spent more time with my children"? I've only ever heard the latter.
When a person or company outsources they outsource what someone else can do better. Why outsource what no one can do better than you?
You are aware of your pension and contributing to it so you are on the ball there. State pension credits are covered by registering for child benefit so no loss of state pension if not working. A few years of missing top up when children are young is not going to affect it significantly (as least not for the value you'll get back with your children), also you still get the tax advantages if your other half pays into your pension for a while, even if less than now.
People may feel shame and guilt if they used child care or when they hear others talk of the harm caused by it. They need to look at the facts and move on, not try to change the facts to suit their feelings. The proverb about planting a tree...Best time to plant a tree: 25 years ago. Next best time: Today. Do what is best for your child today.
The proper research (not something knocked out on funds from a nursery) and evidence from Clinical Psychologists is that typically child care before 3 is harmful. From 3 good childcare is fine. There are exceptions such as if the parent(s) are unable to adequately care for the child then good quality child care maybe better for the child in those circumstances.
The evidence is clear. When a child is 0-3 years they need love and nurture from a primary care giver. They need to be kept safe and feel safe, not abandoned to another. They do not socialise at this age despite the well pushed misconception. This is common sense...human babies are unable to survive on their own. They are so far behind in relevant development compared to other species. Many baby mammals are walking minutes after birth. Humans are not that far along their development...it typically takes a human a good year...this is mirrored in their mental development.
Why is anxiety and mental health issues on the rise? Not the only reason but a contributing factor is children have been farmed out to child care facilities. The most important time in a childs life is 0-3.
When they are at school its important to be there for children after school and before hand. The government push for breakfast clubs at school is a joke...again it is purely economy growth focused and completely the wrong path to take. (Except where children are not getting breakfast at home and socioeconomic reasons in the family mean external provisions are required, but even then the solution is not necessarily send the child to school for breakfast). The government should be more generous with child benefit, forget free nursery places and give the money to parents to decide how to raise their children. Allow parents to be...parents. And stay at home if they wish...in fact promote this importance of this to children and to society.
Sorry to bring the government into it but one of the pressures people face to go back to work are due to finances and this is really hard for people and cannot be avoided in many cases and I feel for these parents. But if it is unavoidable at least knowing what is optimal you can work around this and understand it to be able to counter it as best as possible. And the other pressure caused by government and society is making parents feel they need to go back to work and work as much as possible. That the only sense of achievement is through work and raising children is not important.
Parenting should be a team effort. Maybe now or in time you other half could work a bit less to accommodate you working and take on some of the child care.
I don't mean any offence by my message but I think you under play the value of you in your children's life and the opportunity you have now. Their childhood will fly by.
Adults need to live more like children...in the moment. Focus on each moment with children and not be distracted by the other pressures of life when with them (easier said than done).
No job is more important or has more value than being a parent.