Impact of nursery on under 3s

[trufflesandolives]

My DS who is nearly 1 is due to start 2 days of nursery a week from next week and I've only just come across Erica Komisar's work claiming that nursery is psychologically damaging for under 3s who should remain with their primary caregiver. Obviously I've been aware of arguments in both camps but hearing it come from a child attachment specialist hit a bit harder than hearing it come from other mums or social media. Since then I've looked into other options (again), considering a nanny (they are significantly more expensive) and looking for coworking spaces with childcare (since I work remotely) but there don't seem to be any in my area. My question is does anyone know of any other significant research around children and nursery in the early years? I'd like to find out if research in both camps is equally extensive and significant or if what Komisar quotes is the scientific consensus. I don't bother talking about it with friends or family because all I hear is unqualified opinions telling me that my DS will benefit from the socialising which isn't, as far as I know, supported by evidence.

I was a nursery manager. I think of you get a good nursery then it's fine. The children become sattached really quickly to the staff. However, you need to make sure that the staff are consistent and not changing all the time. The baby room was my favourite room and I felt very protective of them. Not all nurseries are like that. You get a gut feeling though when you look around.

I’ve been googling and cannot find any evidence…

The issue is that it's really difficult for the evidence to be like for like as there are just too many variables - how a child fares will depend on quality of care at home, quality of care at the nursery, a child's innate personality and also how many hours they attend a setting.

Obviously a very young child, attending a nursery with a large turnover of disinterested, under qualified staff with poor language skills for long hours every day will not fare well. But if the same child attends a well funded nursery with engaged, qualified staff with a low turnover for fewer hours a day they probably will.

I would go and look round the nursery and childminder options near to you and then decide.

It's not possible to have fully evidence-backed research on these as there are too many confounding factors. I feel you - i'm an overthinker evidence type of person too. However think about it: you can't properly A/B test children's wellbeing based on whether they want to nursery vs stayed at home. There are too many dependencies (quality of nursery, quality of home, no way to causally link that future 'wellbeing' was determined by whether they went to nursery or not). You will tie yourself in knots love, looking for a study that simply doesn't exist.

You have to go with your gut. You know best. And it's not necessarily black and white. Anecdotally, I felt awful dropping my child at nursery age 1 but I also know I needed to get back to work (for my MH and for money). Child absolutely thrived. Made lots of friends at 2. Is school-ready now; resilient, independent, kind.

My kids went to a fantastic nursery and turned into well balanced kids (now young adults). I’d have no hesitation doing the same again.

My daughter has been in nursery since around her 2nd birthday and it's the best thing I ever did for her. Her language development has come on leaps and bounds, she's socialising, making friends, toilet training has gone smoothly as nursery have supported well with this.
I'm a firm believer in the "it takes a village" mantra and nursery are part of DD's village.

Depends not only on the child, but also on how many hours a day they spend in childcare. Personally, I think some children can't cope with being in childcare at all, others will enjoy themselves but even then, they shouldn't be spending more than 6 hours (which includes a nap) in nursery. (this is just my personal opinion based on my personal experience with my own children, who were in nursery from around 15 months old and did stay longer than 6 hours, and from seeing the other children in nursery).

Childcare is beneficial only if children are socially isolated at home (which is often the case) or come from dysfunctional families. However, parents also need to work so I don't think anyone should feel guilty for sending their child to nursery!

Update: Thanks for the responses, I read the additional research you recommended. My DS started nursery today after a week of short settling sessions and stayed at nursery for 4 hours before I picked him up. He seemed in a daze when I picked him up, showing no reactions to anything and it was only until we got home that he snapped out of it and became very clingy. After a quick google search I read that it could have been a disassociation response which I find really concerning since it's a kind of emotional shutdown because he wasn't feeling safe enough to relax at nursery. On the surface, his nursery carers were delighted with him since he played, ate and slept. Should I be worried?

I'd just say he's had a busy first day and is a bit tired.

Starting something new is always an adjustment- do you not feel a bit frazzled after a first day in a new job?

I imagine he was just tired. I wouldn't read too much into it personally.

It is a big change it took mine 4 weeks to stop crying on drop off and 6 weeks go start smiling there. In month 3 now really enjoys it but does get overtired with the very long days.

It is great that yours slept and ate on first day! Took mine a month to start sleeping there.

The reality is that most people don’t really have a choice. I read that the perfect situation is to have a stay at home parent until 3 (with grandparent or nanny as close seconds) but attend stay and play activities with caregivers 2-3 time a week from 6 months then have 1-2 activities without caregiver from age 2. From 3 until school attending part time nursery, half days is very beneficial.

Not everyone can, nothing you can do if you can’t but if you are able to do this it’s good for your child

The perfect situation also has to include a parent who wants to stay home and is happy to stay home.

It isn't good for a child if the parent isn't happy or fulfilled at home.

I wouldn’t read too much into self-styled American ‘experts’. The context is too different for a start and early years provision is very different from here -
ratios/accepted standards etc. I’d focus on research by the likes of Kathy Sylva.

I'm getting the impression that people have an inaccurate idea of American staff to child ratios in daycares.

In my state, the rules for licensed daycares are:
6 weeks to 14 months - 1:4
15 months to 23 months - 1:5
24 months to 36 months - 1:8
36 months to 48 months - 1:10
48 months to 60 months - 1:20
School age - 1:20

UK nurseries -
Under 2 - 1:3
2-3 - 1:5
3+ - 1:13
3+ if staffing does not include a qualified EY teacher - 1:8

It was his first day. He’ll be tired. Think back to what it’s like starting a new job or moving to a new city. It’s exhausting!

Dont overthink it and stay positive.

Babies and toddlers just need time to get to know the staff and feel that they are safe people as they already do with their parents and close family. Many (but not all) will be unsettled initially until they know the adults caring for them do care for them and they feel safe.

Personally, I think babies/toddlers doing half days or core days two or three times a week for a few weeks help them settle rather than only doing one day or full ten hour days. That is because this gives them a chance to fully get to know staff and the environment but without making them over tired.

The biggest thing I have noticed in children who have attended nursery full time from babies is that they become very peer orientated and less responsive to adult direction. They also become institutionalised to a degree. Nurseries have fairly fixed routines through the day and rules that must be followed. If a child is there all day, every day it can impact their development in unexpected ways. We have had over confident children within the nursery environment who become very nervous when taken away from it (day trips etc).

However, nursery staff are well trained in speech and language and SEN etc and children do make good progress if they are given support at nursery, something inexperienced parents at home may not notice or do anything about until school age.

I can’t comment on the studies, but both my DC started at nursery when I finished mat leave (I had to go back to FT work). They were about 6m old when they first started nursery, and finished going when they started school. There was also a holiday club setting at the same place, so they attended that after they started school. I chose a brilliant nursery, with wonderful staff and facilities. My DC are 11 and 18 now, and they had the same staff looking after them. The turnover of staff was very low. Both my DC flourished there and we have lovely memories of their time spent there. We sometimes bump into the nursery staff when we are in town and they always stop to chat and catch up.

OP, give your little one time to settle in. It’s a new thing and he’s probably tired after his first day.

Children can’t “socialise” under the age of about 3. What they need is a consistent adult. If they have to go to nursery because of parents’ work or other needs, that’s a different matter. But nursery can’t be painted as being in the child’s best interest. At best it’s neutral.

My own experience of using a nursery was very negative. My children didn’t settle and I found the insistence on charting how much eg baby yoga they’d done, while neglecting their basic needs (particularly for sleep, and cuddles) really disturbing.

The nursery was highly regarded and my friends raved about it. Another nursery I looked round had children crowding round me when I visited, desperate for attention.
Another one had children running round the playground with their coats undone on a feeezing cold day. Another one had a cigarette lighter left discarded on a step in the play area.

Maybe I was just unlucky with the nurseries in my area. But I found a childminder much much better, and then in due course a preschool.

My son's only been going for a couple of weeks and only for 3 hours a week. He loves it, and everyone I've spoken to about nursery say how much it's helped their babys development

We didn't send ours until 2, and it was school hours only, but I really saw my kids flourish after they started going. They used to talk excitedly about their friends and what they'd been up to, and look forward to going in. I felt like they really grew in themselves and feel it was an overall net positive for them by 2 so I'd be skeptical of this lady's work. I suspect truthfully it probably varies a lot with different kids, some are ready earlier or later than others or are less upset at being apart.

On the grandparent thing - it's often touted as better than nursery, but in the real world, it often isn't. I thought a friend had the best possible situation with her retired teacher mum looking after her kids, but it turns out the kids were watching TV all day.

Similar here, my daughter is very confident being left with adults who she is very familiar with eg nursery, grandparents etc and has no issues separating as she knows we will always be coming back.

in terms of research, I’m not too sure, but I am a early years teacher, and from what I have witnessed, the issues seem come from parents solely relying on nursery 5 days a week/full time care, not being able to form as strong attachments , I’ve seen very anxious and sensitive children come from families who have used full time childcare since their little ones were small. This is merely an observation and passing no judgement! I believe the pendulum swings both ways and a balance to be struck is best for the child, quality time and comfort at home with their caregivers and time away from home, exploring, learning and socialising with peers independently.

I think you might be massively overthinking it. Nursery settling is stressful for both parents and children, but 100,000’s of kids go to some kind of nursery setting and are absolutely fine. LO bb has probably been over tired or over stimulated after his first day. When mine has been in for the 2 days a week he goes, it’s literally tea bath and bed because he’s shattered from a busy day.

Yes, I’ve seen this at toddler groups. Grandparent care often seemed to involve an exhausted looking grandparent who was struggling to keep up with a toddler. There was one family I wasn’t sure was even safe as the grandparent was reliant on a walking stick and couldn’t walk fast or far and had a very active young child with them.

I have seen excellent grandparent care but that was someone who’d retired relatively young and been a primary school teacher and who, crucially, only did one day of childcare a week for gc so they were always doing fun activities like the park, duck feeding, library, baking because she had the energy and enthusiasm.