Would you listen to your child on this?

[justherenowso]

My son is 4 and starts school in September. He attends a nursery for two days a week and also goes to a childminder for one day. The childminder was always a bit of additional hassle as I had to provide a packed lunch but I didn’t mind as he seemed to be happy. Now he isn’t. He gets quite upset if you mention going.

I am tempted to just put him in nursery for an additional day but I don’t want to mess him about with only a few months to go. I guess it’s a bit of a WWYD? The last thing I want is to cause any disruption to him.

Your post doesn't do much to explain your title? What are we supposed to believe or not? Believe your son on? What does he say is wrong about going to the childminders.

Plus, he's four quite old enough to decide he would rather have an extra day at nursery than the day at childminders if you can afford it then I don't see the problem with swapping them over if that's what he wants it's not long Mike you've chosen a whole new nursery

Sorry if I was unclear. I don’t mean to suggest I disbelieve DS - we don’t for a moment think anything is untoward but I suppose what I am asking is if you would listen to your child’s preference, bearing in mind he is four and four year olds are fickle.

Yes. Absolutely. He's four quite old enough to understand that this decision is permanent until he goes to school and there will be no changing his mind to go back to the child minder. Given you thought the childminder was more of a hassle anyway are there any advantages for you to have being at the childminders over the nursery hours cost?

I still don't understand what you are believing or disbelieving your child over. Why is he upset about going to the childminders now? I would definitely want to know what has gone on to make him upset.

It could be something as simple as another child leaving and his friend not being there anymore

It could just be the childminder asking more of him because he's now four

But it could be something much worse

Do you actually know why he's upset???

Neither the thread title or OP says anything about 'believing' anything, where are you getting that from?

If my 4 year old didn't like her childminder but happily went to nursery then I would add a day at the nursery if they have availability.

Thanks, I’m glad others agree … it seems like a big and final decision in some ways and I was a bit reluctant to pull him out before the end of the year for some reason but on balance it is probably best.

At four he is probably the oldest child with the childminder and wants to be with you or with friends closer to his age at nursery. Could you get him into the nursery of the school he is going to and use the childminder for wrap around care? That way he will be making friends with children he will start school with and ease the September transition.

His school doesn’t actually have a nursery - we hadn’t planned to use the childminder for wraparound care as we only actually need one evening a week and that’s easily covered.

Listen, listen not believe. Makes very little difference and your post added absolutely nothing to the thread!💁🏻‍♀️

This. He’s probably bored at the childminders, and having a much better time at nursery with his peers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well - it does make rather a lot of difference to be honest

What will you do for the 14 weeks school is shut?
Have you asked the CMS opinion?

I haven’t yet. I don’t want it to sound as if I’m accusing her of anything which of course I’m not. I don’t need childcare for holidays so that isn’t an issue.

No point paying for him to go somewhere he doesn't want to when there's another option he likes better. He's probably just outgrown the childminders.

If it's no extra hassle to send him to nursery an extra day, and he wants to do that, I'd just do that. I'm not sure what the dilemma is really.

It’s firstly because he’s four and four year olds are fickle.

Then there’s no wanting to disrupt the routine this close to him leaving anyway.

I don’t want the CM to feel we’re being rude I suppose; she’s done a lot for him although equally I haven’t been thrilled about some other stuff. Mostly it’s not wanting to disrupt things I guess.

How long has he been not wanting to go? If it's been a while I would take him out and put him in for another nursery day. If he's previously been happy and this is sudden I would talk to the cm to see if you can solve it first. Like you say, kids are fickle and you don't want to disrupt everything and next week he decides he doesn't like nursery anymore.

Is he able to say why it is he doesn't like about going to the childminders?

I think it’s mostly issues with another child but even this isn’t hugely clear.

Are you contractually tied in to the childminder? Is there space at nursery? I understand not wanting to hurt her feelings. Perhaps a white lie that you think am extra day at nursery will get him more ready for full time school.

I agree there's a difference between listening and believe here - there's nothing to believe or not believe - the q you are asking us how much weight to put on ds's (apparent) preference. You might not have much of a choice if there's no space at nursery or you are tied in and sometimes our kids just have to put up with things but here it sounds like all the factors are in favour of switching to nursery if it's a possibility

I would absolutely go for an extra day in nursery. It's not really disruptive (to him anyway) as he is already there. If anything it's less disruptive. I think this is more about having to cancel the childminder (which I get, I hate tricky conversations). But best thing to do is tell them straight that he is unhappy there, possibly because of another child.

The day is a Friday which is the quietest day at nursery, so there’s almost certainly space. I guess I just feel a bit bad because it feels like an abrupt ending rather than a natural one (with school.)

I think he’d have to keep going throughout march but then ‘finish’ and he could start at nursery on Fridays from mid April due to Easter holidays. It makes sense. It’s just that very abrupt ending that is a bit of a shame and makes me feel bad.

He may have outgrown the setting, OP. We had a bit of this with my four year old - he was almost a year older than the next oldest child at the childminder’s. For various reasons we had limited options for childcare so we stuck with it and added in some preschool sessions.

In hindsight I think he was quite bored and unhappy during that last year, especially during the last few months, and if I’d had another option available, I would have moved him. In your situation, I wouldn’t hesitate.

Don’t feel bad - he would have been finishing with the childminder within a few months anyway and that relationship would come to an end. It feels like the end of a stage (which it is) - but if it's right for him, you just have to focus on that.