Would you listen to your child on this?

[justherenowso]

My son is 4 and starts school in September. He attends a nursery for two days a week and also goes to a childminder for one day. The childminder was always a bit of additional hassle as I had to provide a packed lunch but I didn’t mind as he seemed to be happy. Now he isn’t. He gets quite upset if you mention going.

I am tempted to just put him in nursery for an additional day but I don’t want to mess him about with only a few months to go. I guess it’s a bit of a WWYD? The last thing I want is to cause any disruption to him.

It’s a bit of a funny one @CatStoleMyChocolate because it’s actually quite big - there’s a few childminders so I’ve said child minder and nursery to distinguish between them but there’s not actually an enormous difference in terms of number of children (the nursery is bigger but the children in DS’s room total about twenty I think and the childminder has about fifteen.)

He used to be as thick as thieves with another little boy but he’s been saying that this boy has hurt him and that he’s a bit rough. But then doesn’t really give tangible details.

Then you start working together ask how he seems explain he's not keen at the moment and see if she's noticed it doesn't have to be criticism she may actually say I think he would be better at nursery.

It’s ultimately my decision though @jannier and with respect she isn’t likely to do that, as she would probably struggle to fill the place between now and school time. There is really no ‘then you’ about it. My preference would probably be to have DS at nursery just because it’s easier for me but for that reason I am mindful of not imposing my feelings on him if you like.

Difficult to know what you're actually asking here if you and your DS would both prefer the nursery, and you don't want to try to work with the childminder about it. Just give your contracted notice and move on.
I can't imagine losing a 4 year old one day a week will be that big a deal to the childminder especially as it's a bigger setting and a 4 year old isn't very profitable.

@littleluncheon i suppose I’m wondering what others would do. How much away to put on a four year olds views, really. And I do feel awful that it’s a sudden ending really.

@justherenowso

your comment about the ending being sudden, struck a chord with me.

often as adults we have feelings and thoughts about situations when for the child it is vastly different.

you feel bad about a sudden change
your ds feels happy he doesn’t have to return somewhere he didn’t like

put your thoughts to one side, your ds is unhappy and has communicated something about another child, focus on that, not so much on yr adult thoughts about ‘endings’ needing to be a certain way.

it will be fine to change back to nursery if space, its familiar and comfortable for ds

But the only way to makes decision is to find out what is happening and talk most of us are not money grabbing and prefer children to be in the best place for them nobody wants an unhappy 4 year old one day a week may just be insufficient for him so better to move.

No one is saying you are money grabbing. But it is a business and will naturally want to retain custom.

It is unlikely he presents as unhappy. At most he’ll be quieter than he normally is. One of my concerns actually is that they haven’t really noticed him being withdrawn. But it’s a busy setting and he only goes once a week.

As I said you won't know if they have noticed if you don't talk to them they may have been noting it in their concerns and monitoring him waiting to see before they talk to you. He may no longer fit for them either but they don't want to give you a problem for the last term.
I don't get why there is a problem talking.

There isn’t, but my decision isn’t going to be based on that. I would prefer to give my decision as an established fact, mostly because I don’t like bad feeling and I know I’d be very quickly persuaded to stay if the CM expressed disappointment or sadness, and she’s a nice person and probably would.

I think us mothers don't have the luxury of not being disruptive when we have children.
Have you asked him what's wrong?

Yes; he’s made vague references to another child being rough but this child is someone he used to be very close to. I know relationships can be fickle at this age and that’s why I don’t want a knee jerky response when ideally he’d finish the year nicely with a ‘graduation’ and nice feeling, otherwise it feels very abrupt and not entirely pleasant for either party.

Equally I don’t want to ignore DS. Difficult one!

It seems like the issue is more yours and how you feel than anything else.
I'd do whatever you feel happiest with - I really doubt it will have as much impact on your DS or the childminder either way.