Paid childcare for 1st month or two after birth

[bluprince13]

We are a couple living in London. Recently found out that my wife is pregnant.

Our parents are both based outside the UK and are not healthy enough to come to the UK to help out. We don't have any family in the UK and we're reluctant to burden our friends as well. Our friends and parents have said that the first month or two after birth is the hardest. I could take the 1st month off to help myself, but I would have to go back to work after that.

I just wondered if any of you have managed through the 1-2 months without external help?

Also, is it possible to hire a part-time nanny or something - e.g. for 4 hours per day or something - just to keep the cost affordable? Has anyone done something like this for the first two months?

Any advice is appreciated!

That's a really good idea

Mat leave and breastfeeding don't inevitably set up a "Parent A/Parent B" dynamic. I think that's very much more to do with the attitude of the parents. No Parent A/Parent B dynamic within my family, despite having 12 months Mat leave and breastfeeding for longer than that, times 2.

Ive had 2 children and I dealt with it myself.
No nanny no help from anyone.
I done what millions of other single mums done got on with it.

None here either, now, but there was when they were babies because I was with them 24/7 and my breasts were their sole source of food and main source of comfort. No dickhead DH, he did all nappy changes when he was home and plenty of walking the floors when they weren't sleeping, but I was definitely Parent A on maternity leave. Shared parental leave was fantastic for resetting that, for the kids as much as the adults.

Let's not judge parents for getting some practical help, you don't know why they want it or need it and tbh we should atop this nonsense of expecting others to suffer or " manage " because you had to.

I would have loved having an extra pair of hands in the day to pass baby to so I could shower, eat and toilet without a baby screaming in the background.

There's nothing wrong with getting some help in.

It's manageable without help normally. Wouldn't say it's fun but very doable especially if you will be on hand for a month too.

Absolutely sensible to get some help
https://doula.org.uk/find-a-doula/
Tick the postnatal box

Have a chat to a few and see who you both like best

I think it depends on the person. I would have much preferred childcare help so I got a break even if it was to do that stuff

1-2 months 😂

The first 1-2 months will be about adjusting to waaaaaaay less sleep than you're used to getting, and being at the beck and call of a tiny little human 24/7.

Pretty much anyone who has had a child has managed to get through this time without help. That's what being a parent is about.

If you absolutely need external help, focus on hiring people who will help manage the house so you can both focus on baby.

Yes, it will be hard. But it will pass.

I echo many of the other comments on here. We have never had a minutes support from
anyone since our DS was born even when we have been ill ourselves and struggling to care for our DS.

What we did was to outsource pretty much everything we could aside from work and childcare. We have a cleaner, gardener, DIY handyman, decorator etc. We also use supermarket home deliveries and Amazon a lot. This takes away a lot of the pressures of having no family support.

It does still make dealing with emergencies such as nursery being closed quite difficult as we have no alternative childcare options. To counteract this we have both got very flexible jobs which allow for WFH for the majority of time and also allow short term flexibility if needed.

Just keep chipping away and you’ll soon see that every little change you make starts adding up into a significant beneficial lifestyle change.

Am I talking about people with additional needs?

It's not about having to 'manage'. And have you missed that he has a month off work too? There are two of them. They can meet their baby's needs between them.

I accept everyone is different, and there maybe specific individual needs such as pre-existing maternal conditions or subsequent issues such pnd or physical birth related traumas. But those factors aside, the best outlook for a newborn is to be cared for by his/her mother (and father).
Mothers with partners have access to a break when the other parent is at home. And paid practical help frees up the other parent to take care of the baby allowing the mother a bit of time for herself.

You probably won't need help f you're taking a month off work. We didn't have any help (no family local or well enough to support) and it was fine.

If you can afford help then get what you think you'd like, but I wouldn't pay if it was going to make things tight. That's better saved for nursery.

Yeah, all three of mine, 3 under 5. It's hard but you manage.

First child born when we were living in the USA, all family in UK. Husband had 2 weeks of holiday off as no paternity leave available. Absolutely no help with looking after the baby. We coped fine, even with a bit of a shock when baby was taken back into hospital and into the high dependency unit with the possibility of meningitis mentioned. In the end he was fine but it was a rough few days!

@DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum obviously one can cope but why is it seen as such a negative to have additional help if you can afford it. As they said they have no family, what is the difference between eg a friend coming to help and someone paid?

I had a lady come in every morning to clean and look after the baby while I was getting ready. She was a godsend.

I coped fine when dh went back to work and we had no local family. I had friends but they were mostly work friends so not around either. My dh was very hands on when he came in from work, and would crack on cleaning or scoop baby up and take over to let me have a break. I also got out of the house every day and did join groups to meet people and ended up with a great group of friends who were in similar position to me (no family around).

If you can afford it I'd organise a cleaner (preferably one that does washing!) and even a healthy meal service delivery.

How the fuck would I know

And if you aren't maybe you stop excluding them from the conversation

You are not taking time off work to "help"

You are taking time off work to "parent"

why do you consider you caring for your child is "helping" your partner, rather than she taking time off work to care for the child is "helping" you.

Please look hard at your attitude - you have only just discovered the pregnancy and you are already designating your partner as the default parent, rather than thinking of yourselves as equally responsible.

And almost everyone does this without outside help. If you want outside help, then meal delivery, cleaners, or service washes are the way to go, not outsourcing parenting from day one.

Good luck, I am sure you will be amazing parents

Jesus the sneering is out it force on Mumsnet today this morning eh.

My DC are adults but I had no help at all although was in hospital for two days with my first which was the norm then. My DH picked me up from hospital at 12 and went back to work at 2. This also was fairly typical at the time.

Do you need childcare for other children? I’m confused by your post. If it’s just one baby then you don’t need childcare as your wife will be on maternity leave?