Childcare posted ds biting to all parents

[Nov191919]

Hi

My sons going through a tricky time, not sleeping etc and v cranky as a result. He's 3 1/2 and yesterday bit another kid at childcare. The childcare posted the incident report to the general group with my sons name.

Any advice about what to do here?

I think you've misunderstood my post. I've got no real issue my child was bitten, it happens. What i'm saying is at those ages its pointless the nurdery refusing to name the biter as my child could tell me anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not pointless at all - the nursery is legally prevented from sharing the names of children. It’s irrelevant whether your child can tell you.

There are some precious parents on here.

Of course it's not nice when your child is hurt but small children bite and small children get bitten. If you are going to put your child into a group childcare setting, then there is a possibility that this will happen. There is a strong possibility that, amongst a relatively large group of small children, at least one or two will go through a biting phase. Short of muzzling the relevant child, there isn't a lot nursery staff can do to reduce the risk to zero, although they can and should be intervening swiftly and implementing age-appropriate consequences. And there is nothing the parents can do at the time, though of course they can reinforce good behaviour at home and I'm sure the OP is doing this. So a lot of the snarky comments are uncalled for. I speak as someone who had a bitee not a biter and who was a target for another child for a bit. We spoke about keeping out the way of Jack's teeth (namechange) and I know Jack's lovely mother was very anxious about the situation.

But no, of course the child should not be named. The parents may well know who it is, but it's an invasion of their privacy. Should the nursery send round emails saying "Tell your children not to play with Amelia. Her parents constantly send her in with a snotty nose and they might catch something" or "Darren doesn't share and is always whinging"?

Naming the child was definitely not the right thing!

How do you know what OP's immediate focus and biggest concern is? She could have been dealing with the behaviour, ringing the health visitor for advice etc. And then turned to mumsnet for advice on a related issue?! I would hope she's looking for advice about dealing with the biting somewhere a bit more specialist, rather than on a forum where everyone's going to tell her what a terrible parent she is but not be particularly helpful.

Exactly. The law applies whether or not people think the incident warrants it.

I taught in a special school where biting was sadly not unusual. We were absolutely not allowed to name the biter, even in the injury and incident books that only staff saw. In the injuries one we'd put the name of the child who was bitten, and "bitten by another child". In the incident book, the name of the biter "bit another child"

Naming the biter to all parents would have put me on a disciplinary report.

I think you've misunderstood my post. I've got no real issue my child was bitten, it happens. What i'm saying is at those ages its pointless the nurdery refusing to name the biter as my child could tell me anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Whether your child is old enough to tell you or not, the nursery does not have the right to tell parents confidential information about another child.

Obviously they can't stop kids from talking about incidents, but that doesn't mean they should just start blabbering because it may come out of a child's mouth anyway.

They shouldn't have mentioned your child's name, that's basic stuff.
I'm not even sure why they felt the need to tell other parents there was a biter in the nursery. We don't do that.
We don't even tell the parents who bit their child. Of course the children do but not much we can do about that.

That is terrifying, you have completed gdpr training so are well aware of how serious a breach this is yet you feel it is acceptable?? You shouldn't be working in that job, where confidentiality is so hugely important, with your attitude.

Yes children tell their parents but in 18 years time they probably will not remember who bit them or when.

But the OP's son's information is 'out there' there is no knowing if it has been screen shot. This is why GDPR is such a big deal, once something is posted you cannot be sure it will be deleted before it has been copied / forwarded.

They should not have named the child.

Have you any idea why he isn't sleeping?
Have you checked for worms?

Agree 100% with @fluffypuffyrug

I disagree my child has come home twice with a bite from a 3 yo that has broken the skin and been on antibiotics twice for the bite.

all children who have been bitten where the skin has been broken should be on 5 days of antibiotics.

sorry but you need to stop your child biting. Our children deserve to be safeguarded from children like yours. 3.5 is too old for biting

Because she is DEALING with the biting ALREADY

If the bite breaks the skin you absolutely do need to go to A&E. My niece was bitten at nursery twice by the same child who also bit 2 other DC several times too. She had to go to A&E because skin was broken.

Our children deserve to be safeguarded from children like yours. 3.5 is too old for biting

It's absolutely not too old for certain circumstances, it's completely common for some ASN children.
Your talking about a child you know nothing about.
No one wants a child to bite or be bitten, but it unfortunately happens.

Indeed. All "safeguarded" means in these circumstances is that the nursery will take all reasonable care to prevent incidents occurring and deal with them appropriately when they do. It doesn't mean zero risk to your child.

^ FFS. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yeah, let’s ostracise a little three year old child. Brilliant. You work with children, you say? Poor things

I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you and your son are experiencing. It's not uncommon for preschoolers to go through phases of disrupted sleep and crankiness, and sometimes this can lead to challenging behaviors like biting.

Firstly, it's important to address the incident report shared by the childcare. Privacy is crucial, especially in a preschool setting, and your son's name should not have been included. I would recommend speaking calmly with the childcare manager to express your concerns and discuss how they can prevent such breaches in the future.

At home, maintaining a consistent routine can help with your son's sleep and mood. Also, gentle discussions about why biting isn't okay might be helpful. Remember, this phase is temporary, and with support, things will improve.

Lastly, don't hesitate to seek advice from child development specialists if you feel it's needed. They can offer strategies tailored to your son's needs. Hang in there!

It’s very likely human error. Yes it’s GDPR but it’s no big deal because I can absolutely guarantee that every single child will have told their parents who did the biting.
Having been a nursery teacher I agree with the poster that said that a three year old should know not to bite. Sadly, this is another result of parents NOT telling their children off. I’d be furious with my child of three if they bit another child and they’d know about it.

Have you actually read the thread?

It is a breach and they should massively apologise, but honestly everyone already knew! Before two, my son would come home and tell me all about the biter and who she bit today. Hilarious at pick up time when they told me they couldn’t mention names (I understood completely) and he pipes up it was X and this is how she did it and did full reenactment with what I assume was some dramatic license! At three they definitely will. Most parents will understand it and recognise it’s the nursery role to monitor and keep other kids safe.

It’s utterly irrelevant whether other parents knew or not - that’s been explained at length on here.

Having been a nursery teacher I agree with the poster that said that a three year old should know not to bite. Sadly, this is another result of parents NOT telling their children off

Having been a nursery teacher you should be well aware that not all children are the same developmentally just because they are three. You know nothing about OPs child, and can not possible comment if it's a case of not being told off. You'd also be aware of confidentiality and how mentioning another child breaches that, regardless of children going home and talking about it.