Nursery, childminder or grandparents?

[Bestforchildcare]

We have recently become very proud grandparents. My daughter and son-in-law have already started planning for when maternity leave is over in 4 month's time. The suggestions so far are that both Grandmothers (early retirement, fit and well 60 year olds, both former teachers, one a nursery teacher, living 15 minutes away. Grandfathers are still working full time) could look after our granddaughter one day each then nursery the remaining two days. Both of the Grandmothers get on well and we've agreed between us that if needed due to sickness, holidays etc, we would swap days or take on the full two days cover. The other option is that childcare is split, two days each grandmother which we're more than happy to do. Our granddaughter would be taken to baby groups, taken out and about. The baby will be 9 months old. No nursery. I'd really appreciate thoughts from parents on what you think would be the best option for our granddaughter and her parents; grandparent care or split with nursery? What would you do? Thank you.

Family childcare can work amazingly well if everyone gets on well enough that they can be honest, and the situation is reviewed (and no offence taken if a different choice is made).

My mother in law seems to have no interest in helping when it comes to childcare for my nearly 1 year old. My mum has had her 4 days a week since my girl was about 4 months. And aslong as she is happy and willing, I wouldn't have it any other way! The bond with grandparents will be like no other!

My friend did this and it worked well. Her DD did three days with one set of grandparents and two with the other. But she started nursery at two and a half.

Wow your granddaughter is so lucky to have such fantastic support! I would say if you are both truly happy to do 2 days each then that is the nicest option whilst she is so little. You could look to change and add nursery at around 18 months or so when she might start to truly appreciate the more social side of being with other children.

That's not to say she'd be unhappy or disadvantaged in nursery or anything but if it's not needed then why not keep her with people who she is properly loved by.

I think no nursery if possible, it’s expensive and I imagine with the chopping and changing between three different situations plus home, it might be easier to remove one of those for the baby. Then nursery could be a back up plan for if a grandparent needs or wants to change their plans later down the line.

Think it’s lovely you’re both thinking of doing it!

Grandparents all the way.

I wouldn't want to leave a 9 month old with strangers.

Has your daughter actually enquired about nursery places in your area? 4 months would be nowhere near enough time for a free place in my area.

Depends what kind of childcare would be provided in the home setting eg would you be willing to take them to toddler groups etc?

I agree

Grandparents solution sounds perfect as long as everyone is on the same page, and nobody's going to get offended if nursery seems a better option later for any reason.

If grandparents are willing and have the energy, I would say that is preferable for the child. However a slight note of caution - my mum is similar to you (64, ex TA). My mum and dad do childcare for my niece, who is now 3, but they have done it since 1. I know my mum finds it tiring having my niece alone. So I would be careful not to over commit, or at least agree to review it at points and consider nursery later if needed.

I'd happily do a regular day a week as long as the t was mid-week. I'd be wary of offering more because I'd have to offer the same support to any other grandchildren in the future.

I'd happily do extra to help when if the parents were stuck in illness.

I think if your daughter and son in law don’t have a nursery or a childminder lined up then there might be very minimal choice in the matter.

for context; I booked my nursery place for DS3 the day after my 12 week scan.

Now, I had 2 other children at the same nursery so I knew I wanted to use them, but even so. Looking 16 weeks in advance and expecting a place seems unlikely.

I'd say split care between grandparents until the child is about 18 months or two if possible. Then add in some nursery too, whether one which is open from 8 - 6 or a pre-school type one with you doing wraparound. That's the age where they will get more wilful & tiring whilst also being ready and getting more from a more social atmosphere.
I also think it's good to have a "review" after 6 months, a year and so on. Either you or the other set or grandparents might have a change in circumstances and you're suddenly doing 4 days a week on a regular basis.

I assume DD only works 4 days per week?

I would go for 1 day each per grandmother then the remaining days at Nursery.
This gives you wriggle room for the future should either grandmother become ill etc. Even at 60yrs it is surprisingly tiring looking after a baby/toddler.

I honestly think that when she’s slightly older (1+) nursery will be really valuable. Grandparents provide childcare, nursery provides early education.

Thank you all so much for your responses so far. Much appreciated. Just to clarify, nursery provision is available for the dates if we need them. Both Grandmothers are very fit (runners etc) and used to the challenges of young children. I'm a former nursery teacher and semi retired in September 2023. Still working in an advisory role though as and when. We're just thinking what would be the best option for our granddaughter and her parents. Minimal stress to all really. Thank you.

PIL did an awful lot of childcare for SIL and her two DC, but as they grew, didn't know when to back off. They seemed to think of themselves as an extra set of parents. Became over involved in too many aspects of their life. Knowing too much. Always there. The problems grew as the DC became teens. No novelty in seeing their GP. Certainly no special bond. Just over familiarisation, frustration and resentment at their over involvement and lack of boundaries.
Now PIL are frail. 'Payback' is expected. SIL is tied living to where she is. Many regrets all round.
My DC had a great bond with my DM, she did very little childcare and they saw her once a month. Importantly too, we are beholden to no one.

I think grandparents 2 days a week and nursery for 2 days. Looking after a little one can be exhausting as much as the grandparents think it will be ok. I would want to put on my parents too much. It doesn't seem fair. Also if parents wanted the odd night out or a day together once in a while, it means one grandparent would have the little one for 3 days. What about the grandparents want to go on holiday? What's the plan.

Nobody will love and care for a child as much as the parents except for the child's grandparents. Your DD is so lucky to have two willing and able grandmothers , not to mention the savings on nursery fees. I believe no benefit at all of nursery until a child is old enough to interact with others. There will be enough variety between the two homes .

Nothing wrong with nurseries but just not on the same level as what you are proposing .

Super generous of you guys....

I'd go for 1 day a week each and you can increase to 2 days after 6 or 9 months if it works well.

Be warned: It is a big commitment and tiring.

My DM was VERY offended I didn't take her up on her offer of 1-2 days a week as she was similar but late 60s.

The reality is in the last 12 months she's had various unforeseen things come up....
Examples are things like dental and medical apps that could have fallen on "her days" and also has been in Ireland for 6 weeks across the year as there was some family illness ( my aunts and uncles)

If she'd be been doing childcare we'd have been having to find cover and it would have been stressful all round.

A year on she can very reluctantly admit I was right to decline.

Mumof1andaca - Thank you for your reply. As both Grandmothers would offer childcare, we've agreed that if there was sickness or holidays then the other Grandmother would take on the extra day/days. Tricky deciding on what's best for the baby.

The problem with not having a place in childcare is that it isn’t something you can set up quickly. So for example if one is ill or goes on a two week holiday then the other grandparent will be caring 4 days a week.
You mention retiring from teaching, but remember there are long holidays in teaching. If you take this on you will be doing it approximately 48 weeks a year.
Not saying you shouldn’t but you need to go in with eyes open. I would also make clear there will be a trial period so if it is too much for you in practice then the childcare place should be fallen back on.

Hmm possibly grandmothers do one day a week each and nursery the other two days?
Then the grandparents could do a bit of babysitting as well maybe if needed. If really keen, baby could do short sessions at nursery at first until a bit older.
Best not to overcommit at the beginning.

I look after my two grandsons two days a week and their other grandad does the other two. I have found it very tiring as both boys can be challenging but I wouldn't change it for anything. Already dgs1 is in his second year at nursery and dgs2 will go to playgroup later this year. Sometimes the days can be long, but the years whizz by. I have a routine for them. We go out every day. We do some drawing and painting. We read books and they play with cars etc. I love these two wee boys and mostly they make me laugh. Perhaps put a time to review in the calendar? Then you won't feel pressured.

I'd go with the split of nursery so it isn't all on you as Grandparents and if it doesn't work as well as expected then parents won't need to scramble around for a nursery and then settle baby there.