Nanny activities with 3 year old and 8 month old

[TwoGirlsAndOneDog]

We have a nanny three days per week for our 8 month old baby. She also looks after our 3 year old one day per week. What activities would you usually expect a nanny to do with children of these ages?

On the day where our nanny has both children, she generally takes them into town for “coffee”/shopping, they go to the library for rhyme time and then home for lunch/3 year old’s nap (baby naps on the go) and playtime in the afternoon. Would you expect some more formal “educational” activities, arts and crafts etc?

On days where she has baby only, they occasionally go to baby groups etc but often go out to see nanny’s friends, have lunch etc. We are trying to get baby to sleep in her crib more often (moving on from
co-sleeping at night) but she is napping in the baby carrier when out.

Feel like they’re doing more “parent” things (hanging out, just spending time together) than “childcare provider” things.

AIBU or am I expecting more than is usual?

What would you like her to do?

Would you expect some more formal “educational” activities, arts and crafts

if i thought my 3 year old would have enjoyed it… yes. But not say that inclined… loved being out and about and when home wanted to play with his cars / garage etc

crafty stuff… no chance

Feel like they’re doing more “parent” things (hanging out, just spending time together) than “childcare provider” things.

which personally is precisely why i chose a nanny

your toddler goes to nursery and will get the craft “educational” stuff so let him have a chill day with the nanny

I guess it just feels like my children are tagging along her normal life, ie the day is about what she wants to do and they fit around her - particularly on the days when she only has baby.

I’m not really sure, just feels like they fit around her life rather than the days being oriented around them…

Observing normal life IS educational for a baby OP - they are taking in the real world around them.

That’s fair. My 3 year old loves crafty stuff, reading, learning the alphabet though… maybe I just need to emphasise this more to nanny as she might not appreciate that this is the case?!

Well she wouldn't be out having coffee with other nannies by choice, it's because she's looking after the baby.

I see what you mean why would they want to go shopping and for coffee surely they would prefer park / swimming ?!

That’s fair. I guess I’m maybe a bit resentful as it can feel like I’m paying nanny to go out for lunch with her mates. Wouldn’t mind so much if it was even framed as “we’re seeing X for lunch as thought baby might like them/their child” instead of “I’m going to take baby for lunch with my friend” almost like baby is tagging along to her social life?!

As I understand it, it’s not other nannies. It’s her mates. Some of whom have their own kids (who come along) and some who don’t have kids with them at all.

I’ve been a nanny and “life” stuff is generally good. However, if you want your infant to nap in their cot, I’d specify this. Personally, I’ve always thought it was preferred and the parents have agreed, so at 8 months, both naps were always in the cot.

When I’ve had 3 year olds, they usually like to play with blocks/cars etc. In trying to encourage independent play, I usually sit on the floor close by and help when they ask, but otherwise leave them to it. But we always have had reading and singing too.

Personally I hate crafts as I’ve found that it could take me 20 mins to get organized for a craft and they’d be fed up of it in 2 minutes. At school, when 10/20 kids are doing it, it lasts longer, so I always left crafts for group settings.

Your nanny should really be following your guidelines. It can’t always be exactly to the letter especially with 2 different age kids, but generally.

Yes, exactly. Doesn’t feel like the activities are decided based on the children’s’ requirements, more based on what nanny can do with them in tow.

The only thing that would bother me would be the nap at home. We used to get ours to nap in own bed where possible then head out again mid afternoon.

Do you have anything like zoo, farm park nearby? Could you book something like swimming?

I think they will get crafty activities at toddler groups or nursery & if children seem happy then I would not focus on that.

Thank you, that’s really helpful.

I would see it the same as you Op. I think the occassional lunch with her friends is one thing, but not every day/week.

Can you make a list of activities you'd like her to do, and sit down and have a chat about it with her. Do you have a budget for baby classes so she can spend some money on activities? Things like swimming, playgroup, music sessions, baby yoga etc?
With your baby nap times I'd set up something like a structured/planned activity every morning, home for lunch and nap time, perhaps park or a walk afterwards for some fresh air.

Thank you. I think I’m more concerned about the naps right now too as we’re transitioning from co-sleeping and therefore don’t want to confuse baby too much. That said, 3 year old is still on one nap per day and if they all stayed home for all naps, they wouldn’t leave the house!

The 3 year olds I care for go to nursery some days of the week, so when I have them, we do things they want to do. Usually that means a group in the morning like Outdoor Playgroup or Church Toddler group. Then may mean we go on a bus, on a train, or just watch busses at the bus station or trains from the railway bridge, go in the lift at the shopping centre, watch the boats on the river, paint their pottery money box they got for Christmas, dress the dolls, bath the dolls, make biscuits/cakes, go to the playground, kicking balls on the football pitch, take the dolls/teddies for push in their pram.

If we had a baby, then baby would come with us. The focus would be on what the 3 year old wanted to do, and baby would tag along, as babies love to watch what is happening around them. Baby would complicate things in terms of timings for feeds/naps, but if in a routine, they may nap for a block of time in the afternoon when things at home can be done, such as cooking, play with playdough, painting, marble run and other such things where you want small pieces kept away from baby.

Thanks, glad to know I’m not alone :) We don’t have a budget per se but, on the occasions where she has suggested activities, we’ve always said yes.

@TwoGirlsAndOneDog you’re right about trying to coordinate the naps, it really does get you trapped in the house!

My last little guy took two naps when I started but when he moved to 1 nap, around 16 months, it was a whole new world! But I wasn’t trying to also manage an older child’s schedule too.

And I used to get together with a friend, but it was during COVID and we couldn’t do anything indoors, so it was walking initially, and then the playgrounds opened up, so we’d go there, and finally the zoo, which was his favourite! And even though the friend was mine, she did spend lots of time talking to and playing with little man, so it was twice the attention for him. Not a bad thing.

Do you want your home to look like a bear pit when you come home from work, or do you want your child to have spent time doing the things you mention the nanny does? The cafe, the library, storytime - all sound great to me. The children are learning to behave in a cafe and to listen to the stories and modify behaviour in the library.

Three year olds have the attention span or a gnat, and the manual dexterity of the average water buffalo. Crafts would take a lot more time to set up and clean up than they're worth.

I was a SAHM to five DCs and avoided crafts and especially painting until the DCs were at least five. In winter they liked making houses and forts using the furniture, and they drew with coloured pencils, played with playdoh, clay, and toys. We went to the park whenever it was mild enough, and the library was our second home. A bonus to this was that they picked up reading very quickly.

I think you have a good nanny. Many nannies would think twice about bringing a baby and three year old to places where quieter behaviour is expected.

Nanny can't do much with the children if she's busy clearing up the aftermath of a craft or painting disaster in the kitchen. Crafts are better left for group settings where there is more manpower for the setup and cleanup.

If she's talking or singing to them, teaching them how to walk safely on a path, and teaching them how to behave in public places, that's really great.

Thank you, this is really helpful! I think we’re missing the element of it being about what the children want to do/are interested in.

I was a sahm for 10 years - so long in fact that the local nannies started inviting me to stuff as a fellow traveller! I really like the sound of @nannynick's days. That is exactly the sort of thing I did as a mum - hours of train platforms in my case.... I couldn't have given a toss about nap times (no one died) but took whichever combination of ages I had with me to at least one 'event or outing' a day and then would arse about at a playground, play cafe, see people when they weren't sleeping.

I'm afraid I saw loads of nannies who couldn't give a shiny shit but at least they took their kids out to stuff that the kids broadly enjoyed. I think yours is taking the piss.

Thanks. I was using “arts and crafts” as an example of something that might be more child focussed and educational rather than necessarily saying that’s what I want them to be doing all of the time. I love the examples of activities that your kids did!