I think my nanny is lying about being sick

[OnThisHarvestMoon]

Hi all,

I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. We employ a nanny part time for 20 hours a week spread over 4 days. She’s worked for us for 5 months, and has been off sick for a total of 11 days during that time. I worked out that that’s a sickness rate of 11%!

Wanting to be decent employers, we have been paying full pay for sick days, even though our contract states SSP only and anything else at employers discretion.

Her most recent absence however was suspicious. She texted saying she had woken up with an awful cough, fever and other flu symptoms, then after the first week off said she now had a stomach virus. She got a doctors note for this last part but it wasn’t v detailed, just said she was signed off for a week due to diarrhoea. It seemed a little unusual to me to get one virus immediately after another, but not inconceivable. However when I was asking her about the illness when she eventually returned to work after 8 days she said she had “been into her other job the first few days as she thought she just had a cold”, which conflicts with her text to me making it sound like she was at deaths door, and then she had had food poisoning! I was so shocked at the time I didn’t know how to reply.

It bothered me, but I thought I’d wait and see what happened next and sure enough, she’s only been back with us for two weeks and has called off sick again. Another slightly weird story that she had bad cramps and got an emergency gp appointment where they apparently immediately scanned her (I’ve never heard of a gp doing this on site but I guess it’s possible?!) and referred her for further tests.

I’m planning to have a chat with her but am unsure how best to approach it. My inclination is to say we’re moving to SSP as can’t afford to keep supporting this rate of sickness but I don’t know if it’s worth also bringing up the inconsistencies in her previous story.

I’m also wondering whether to cut my losses and get a nursery place instead. I’ve lost trust in her, I think, and she is only an okay nanny. She has a nice manner and is helpful around the house if my 1yo is napping, but she just kind of sits quietly with them while they play (no songs, games or even talking really).

Any advice greatly appreciated. I’m feeling kind of icky about the whole thing.

I’d get rid of her. She’s unreliable and most likely not being truthful. This level of illness would trigger an investigation in most companies I’ve worked in.

I'm not surprised your bullshit meter is spinning, I wouldn't bother having her back. Is it possible to find another nanny at all if you don't really want to do nursery?

If she isn't even interacting with your kid then what's the point. Get rid on both fronts asap

Sounds like she is taking you for a ride, calling in sick and getting full pay from you whilst probably still working at her other job as well. I'd get rid and find a new nanny or send to nursery.

Nursery and get rid.

Just give her notice saying you don't need her anymore as you're likely going to send DC to nursery. Be prepared that she will call in sick during notice, so have contingency. If she does call in sick, just give her SSP. If you have a contract which states notice period on your part, then follow that. If not you can just give a week I think.

Ditch her

That is an incredibly high sickness rate and would make me rethink the situation

. I just wanted to chime in however and say I just had the exact same illness's as your nanny is claiming. I had a cold for a couple of days, thought I was okay and just worked through it, then woke up one morning and literally couldn't walk I was so poorly. So around 6 days feeling rough with COVID and then I caught norovirus straight off the bat!

I wouldn't mention the inconsistency in illness, I would just mention that the sickness rate is incredibly high and it is making things a little difficult.

Generally illness % that high happens when people have a medical condition and are off for the same thing. That many different viruses etc are massively suspicious. I would guess that once she realised you are paying her full wage for sickness, even though she hadn't been there long, she carried on. Most places I have worked have had a probation period, where you get ssp for the first 6-12 months.

People like her are the reason so many companies don't pay company sick pay anymore.

And just a heads up that even companies that do still pay csp don't tend to pay it during the first 6 months.

Stopping the csp will soon determine how ill she is, but bearing in mind she's not a good nanny anyway id get rid of her.

I'd give her notice and just say it's not working out, and find a new nanny or nursery.

Thanks for this perspective @WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive . I don’t think I would have questioned it except that her story just didn’t add up. A stomach virus isn’t the same as food poisoning, and if she just thought she had a cold for the first few days then why didn’t she tell me that instead of saying she had flu and was too ill to work?

Have you looked for a nursery place? Anywhere decent near me has a massive waiting list. I’d definitely say you are concerned about the frequency of sickness and you are moving to SSP only (and if that’s what her contract says pay her that for the recent illness)
How she interacts with your child is a separate issue but you should address that too if you are not happy.

You need to be more proactive with this.
No text for sickness.
Phone call on the morning by a set time.
Phone call the day before they are well enough to come back.
Back to work meetings when she returns.
Ssp so she gets nothing if off.
Keep to this till she manages to get her sickness to a reasonable point.

She sounds unreliable so move to SSP only to see if that makes a difference. In all honesty though why not nursery where you don't have to worry about being let down especially if she is not that engaged with your child?

Look for a nursery, but don’t tell nanny until you’ve got them booked in. Then ask her to leave.

TBH the fact she sits there and doesn’t interact very much with your children would worry me a lot. They’d be much better off in a good nursery.

Get rid of her

Moving forward SSP. It sounds like trust has broken down and you need to think about nursery or a new nanny.

Thanks @Patchworksack . I found a few good nurseries in December that still had places available so I’m hoping one of them still does. Otherwise I found a drop in nursery nearby that’s cheaper than our nanny, so I suppose that could do in the meantime if I do give her notice.

And you’re right. How she interacts with my LO is a different issue and I should bring it up because it’s useful feedback even if only for her next job. She is quite sweet with my little one, just very passive, and I guess I find it’s pushing me toward nursery as they do so many fun activities there.

@Cornishclio yes this is basically what I’m thinking at this point!

@LizzieSiddal yes I was thinking that’s the best way round to do things.

It’s just been such a disappointing experience though. I’m sure there are so many amazing nannies out there and I’m sad I didn’t end up with one of those. Oh well! Lessons have been learnt

@newyearnewnothing these are all great points. I will definitely put these in place if I ever hire a nanny again but I think my trust has been broken in this one and I’d feel happier giving notice (and just SSP for the inevitable sicknesses that will come for the remaining time)

OP be reassured that if you were my employer you'd be calling a meeting to discuss sickness level after all that sickness! It's vert standard to do so.
I'd definitely let her know she's moving to SSP which is btw not payable for the first 3 days if memory serves.

I bet if you didn't pay sick pay and she had to claim SSP, she'd soon reduced her sickness. However my trust would be broken now, I'd go with a nursery 100 percent. When giving her, her notice I would explain why. She's been great with my child. But she's far too unreliable, because she's taken x days in x months which is unacceptable. She should know this to improve herself for her next client.

This, if you decide to keep her on. And I say this as a former nanny of 15 years. But in 15 years of full time nannying I had less than half the sick days your nanny has had in 5 months! I hated letting my families down when sick and was only off if horrendously ill, or if something likely contagious would give them the option.

But sickness aside, it doesn’t sound as if your nanny is that great. She should be fun and interacting more with the child, not at all moments of the day, but for parts of it at least.