I think my nanny is lying about being sick

[OnThisHarvestMoon]

Hi all,

I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. We employ a nanny part time for 20 hours a week spread over 4 days. She’s worked for us for 5 months, and has been off sick for a total of 11 days during that time. I worked out that that’s a sickness rate of 11%!

Wanting to be decent employers, we have been paying full pay for sick days, even though our contract states SSP only and anything else at employers discretion.

Her most recent absence however was suspicious. She texted saying she had woken up with an awful cough, fever and other flu symptoms, then after the first week off said she now had a stomach virus. She got a doctors note for this last part but it wasn’t v detailed, just said she was signed off for a week due to diarrhoea. It seemed a little unusual to me to get one virus immediately after another, but not inconceivable. However when I was asking her about the illness when she eventually returned to work after 8 days she said she had “been into her other job the first few days as she thought she just had a cold”, which conflicts with her text to me making it sound like she was at deaths door, and then she had had food poisoning! I was so shocked at the time I didn’t know how to reply.

It bothered me, but I thought I’d wait and see what happened next and sure enough, she’s only been back with us for two weeks and has called off sick again. Another slightly weird story that she had bad cramps and got an emergency gp appointment where they apparently immediately scanned her (I’ve never heard of a gp doing this on site but I guess it’s possible?!) and referred her for further tests.

I’m planning to have a chat with her but am unsure how best to approach it. My inclination is to say we’re moving to SSP as can’t afford to keep supporting this rate of sickness but I don’t know if it’s worth also bringing up the inconsistencies in her previous story.

I’m also wondering whether to cut my losses and get a nursery place instead. I’ve lost trust in her, I think, and she is only an okay nanny. She has a nice manner and is helpful around the house if my 1yo is napping, but she just kind of sits quietly with them while they play (no songs, games or even talking really).

Any advice greatly appreciated. I’m feeling kind of icky about the whole thing.

Not about a nanny but sympathetic to your predicament. I have a useless employee always off sick. She's handed in notice (yay!) And is doing nothing for the whole of her notice period. Whenever I notice her phoning in sick I just thank my lucky stars she is going soon.

Definitely pay only SSP and find a nursery.

You've lost trust in her, that seems to me to be good reason for her to go. And if she's sick again in the meantime you just pay ssp as her contract.

It sounds to me like her other job pays better and she's telling you that she is sick in order to do extra work there.

Well the deciding factor would be that she managed to work her other job. I guess she doesn't get full sick pay at that one!

Honestly get rid. The main reason people go to the expense of a nanny is that it provides more flexibility i.e. they can still have your child if the child is ill. But the high sickness rate of nanny is having the opposite effect!

It doesn’t matter how or what and why - if you have lost trust in someone who works with your child/ren and in your home - get rid immediately.

This.
i got a first bug in last week of November, rewlly awful cough. Then just 2 weeks , whilst still tail end of cough, vomiting, diarrhea and then flu like symptoms (Covid test negative), then just recovered form that and came down with the really drippy nose virus. Then back to cough
its only this week I’m fully better.
its incredibly common this year . Most of people I know are in throws of it, or recovering (nope didn’t give it to them as I was careful - retired so can stay at home ).

therories abound to that it’s 3 virus doing rounds that are overlapping. Also that we’re all dropping like flies as we’ve lost immunity due to isolation during Covid. Whatever, it is pretty normal just now.

BUT

1. with that you are within your rights to say if her “Bradford factor” (look it up) is so high you will pay minimum legally required. Apologies.
2. Check where her emergency Gp appointment was. Some do happen in hospitals so could be referred along to on site to A&E , but she’ll still have had to wait in line. If it was at health centre she’d have been told, if emergency, to go to A&E herself. A GP can’t access scans directly, they can do referral to consultant at hospital for not so urgent, or send patient to A and E. So it’s odd she didn’t just say she ended up in A&E with a scan. Doesn’t feel right to me.

My advice is to tell her that you have decided to use the nursery. Do everything by the book with the notice and all that. Do not mention it is because she has been ill too many times. We had a friend that the nanny sued or reported them and it was mess. She was wealthy so they tried to take advantage even though she was not doing anything wrong. It was ok but a hassle and stressful. I heard a few similar stories with less wealthy people. Hope it all goes well.

Get rid - even on the basis of her not interacting. You have been too kind. She went into work for the less generous family and stayed at home with you because you pay full sick pay.
now bullshitting about a scan at the GPs.

As a nanny myself, that level of time off work is shocking. I’ve been with my current family for two years and I’ve had one sick day which I felt terrible about.

I have a great understanding that if I have to take the day off work, it has a knock on effect with the parents having to take time off so I don’t do it lightly.

Get rid of her.

No songs, games or talking to your one year old!? That's really sad for your little one. That plus the fake illnesses is a no brainer. I'd look for another nanny or a nursery place.

I probably wouldn't bring up the story inconsistencies but instead just explain you're going to move to SSP as per the contract.

I manage a team and had a staff member who used up all his paid sick days for various ailments such as colds, fevers and stomach bugs. Once he got moved to SSP, he stopped taking sick days.

I have a staff policy whereby I only accept phone calls to report sickness. No messages. It cuts down sickness rates. It sounds you have shown a level of kindness and understanding about her sicknesses which has left her a little too comfortable calling off sick. (That is not a criticism btw! Being a nice person is a good thing!)
I think I would recruit someone new and make sure they know about the phone in only sickness policy from the offset. when anyone then calls off sick I think you may need to express your disappointment at the inconvenience a little more strongly whilst still showing humanity for their ailment. Also might be worth googling how HR in a company environment would conduct a meeting with an individual about high sickness rates. You could have a meeting with your current nanny based on that framework if you decide you want to give her a chance. Good luck 😊

Oh and I would absolutely only offer SSP. And stick rigidly to this. At least until a nanny has been with you a year and then you can always use your discretion once you have built a relationship of trust. I would generally advise other forms of reward for good work, like bonus's etc as opposed to full paid sickness.

I wonder if her other job pays more but is ad hoc, or they've offered her overtime at a higher rate, so she's doing that instead of working for you. Plus, having a laugh because she knows she'll get double wages as you're still paying her.

Definitely put her on SSP going forward and issue a warning for absence.

Have a good think if she's the right fit for your DC, though. You may have just been unlucky with this hire.

Haven’t read all the thread but honestly, get rid. The high level of sickness and inconsistencies will mean you will never fully trust her - you’ll always be anticipating that call or text to say she’s sick once again.

I used to Nanny before having my own children.
The only time I ever called in sick was when I broke my ankle and physically couldn't drive there! I found them a replacement while I was off!
I was fully aware that my sickness always disrupted my employers work and the chances are, if I was sick, so were the children so we just cracked on!

I would say to cut your losses and either look for another nanny or a nursery (but be prepared for your child to pick up every Illness!)
She is definitely taking your generosity for a ride!

She might genuinely have been ill and you can't prove otherwise, so I wouldn't open myself to the can of worms by openly sacking her for the sickness rate.
But I would definitely stop paying her for being off sick and I would move my child to nursery asap. You hire a nanny because you want reliable, high quality care and you aren't getting those things, so it's fine to make other arrangements.

I would consider looking at childminders as well as nurseries. A homely environment and consistent care giver is really nice for a young child and they’ll form really nice friendships with a couple of other children instead of being in a bigger group.

We tried my DS at nursery for a year before changing to a childminder and he’s doing so much better at the childminder. Obviously there’s huge variations between different nurseries and childminders though.

Stop paying full pay for sick days. She will amazingly be healthy

Yes if nanny is really I'll /rarely takes time off pay her sick pay or if she gets something off you/kids

But 11 days in 5mths when works 4 days is a lot

And I say they as an ex nanny of 20yrs

I never had a sick day off till in last 2yrs of nannying and year before I got married and ended up having a blood clot dvt that Went to my lung and collapsed it and 2w in hospital over new year

Most nannies and myself included would go in if feeling poorly but just say will be a sofa /tv/snuggle day with your kids

As an update, I’ve looked into things a bit further and now it’s crystal clear she’s been lying. Although it kills me not to challenge her; I don’t want to open a can of worms where it becomes a dispute so I’m just expediting my search for alternative care (childminder or nursery). I also may decline to give a reference when the time comes as I don’t want to put another family through this stress!

Thanks again for all your advice!