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Original poster

cm club_ how do you tell a mother you suspect her child has autisum???

54 replies

dmo · 12/03/2008 14:13

i have tried to raise the subject before as i have concerns their is something not quite right, but mum got upset and said x was just shy that he knows his ABC and numbers etc etc
i have never heard x say more than 2 words in 2yrs he will be 3 in may.
after looking around i looked at autisum but dismissed it but then today somebody asked if he was autistic (another cm who has seen him twice a week for 2 yrs) we dissucused what he was like as a baby and she told me about a boy who she had in her care who was autistic and it sounds simier.
we are not doctors so we cant say for sure but how do i tell mum??? or should i tell her at all??

OP posts:
stuffitllama · 12/03/2008 14:16

No I really wouldn't.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/03/2008 14:18

I really think you should stay out of it. Nor should you be discussing another child with someone else regarding something so serious.

The mum clearly does not want to discuss it with her and if you are able to care for him without any problems it is really none of your business.

ruty · 12/03/2008 14:18

you don't. Quite a few children don't speak much till their 3. If the mother has concerns it is up to her to approach a doctor/think about diagnosis. IMO.

Iklboo · 12/03/2008 14:18

Not if you're not medicaly qualified you shouldn't.
DH's nephew hardly said a dickie bird till he was in pre school and he is not autistic, just lazy.

colditz · 12/03/2008 14:19

all you can really do is advise her to talk to her health visitor about his speech.

southernbelle77 · 12/03/2008 14:19

I wouldn't either. Have you mentioned your concerns about his speech etc?

I don't think you should come straight out and say anything though. She may well know there is something not quite right but having you telling her will probably upset her even more.

oops · 12/03/2008 14:20

Message withdrawn

oops · 12/03/2008 14:21

Message withdrawn

PotPourri · 12/03/2008 14:22

I don't think you should tell her your worries. She obvisouly doesn't want to hear it. However, if you are having issues with behaviour or communication with the child, then you should sit her down and try to work on strategies together.

I really think you shouldn't try to diagnose, it's not your role. And more to the point, she may be so offended that she takes the child elsewhere, where the cm isn't aware and isn't willing to support.

Miaou · 12/03/2008 14:23

That fact that you have approached the issue before and upset her speaks volumes. Don't approach it again! My dd1 never said more than two words at that age, and even now (aged 10) she is very very quiet and shy. However she is not autistic!

If the mother has concerns she will raise them with the appropriate HCP. If not, then it will be picked up on when he starts school and she will be approached by people who do know what they are talking about. Sorry to sound so abrupt but you really must stay out of this.

Iota · 12/03/2008 14:23

Is his hearing OK? I have known a couple of children who didn't talk much/at all and they both had glue ear.

Anna8888 · 12/03/2008 14:23

Agree with Colditz. You can't make a diagnosis of autism, nor should anyone else, because you haven't got the qualifications to do so. However, if you have raised your concerns about his speech with his mother and the mother says he speaks OK at home, leave it for a few months and see how things develop.

FWIW I just got my daughter's school report and they seem to think (a) she can't speak French (b) she is very well-behaved/reserved.

I know she can speak French as she chatters away with her father, brothers etc - and she isn't terribly well-behaved and certainly isn't reserved. But I also know that school bores her and that she doesn't particularly go for group activities with children her own age... and in those circumstances she does tend to be quiet and wait patiently until it's all over.

Yurtgirl · 12/03/2008 14:24

dmo

Dont say anything

Some lo dont talk until later - it doesnt nec mean there is a problem

If you still have concerns when he is say 5 then raise them - but tbh at 3 he is a bit to young to draw firm conclusions

Original poster
dmo · 12/03/2008 14:24

yes we dissussed his speech
ok i wont say anything at the mo but i will feel really guilty (like i havent done anything) if they say at school
(i am offering his education grants for sept so he will go from me to school)

OP posts:
Original poster
dmo · 12/03/2008 14:29

its not just about his speech.
he does not smile, cry, grin, etc
he does not play with children or toys
he likes to just sit and watch but not get involued.
if you call his name he wont come to you, you have to go over to him take his havnd and lead him.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 12/03/2008 14:32

Ah - why didnt you say that before? - with those details he does sound a lot more like a cause for concern

Does he make eye contact?

TheFallenMadonna · 12/03/2008 14:32

I dunno. I would want my child's nursery or preschool (don't use a childminder) to mention any concerns they might have to me. Especially with my first, 'cos I was utterly clueless.

But you can't mention autism. Because you can't possibly know, and some of this is hearsay from a friend.

Could you do some observation records or something?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/03/2008 14:32

QUOTE ok i wont say anything at the mo but i will feel really guilty (like i havent done anything) if they say at school
(i am offering his education grants for sept so he will go from me to school)

Not your place to feel guilty. Just leave it.

Can he hear okay?

Original poster
dmo · 12/03/2008 14:35

think so

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 12/03/2008 15:11

Its a very difficult situation for you DMO. Aparently cms are being made more like nurseries, with the same rules and regs of any establishment caring for the wellbeing of the under 8s, so actually, should you be mentioning something? I'm not sure I could. I bet its a grey area that Ofsted hasn't considered.

Anyway, for this instance I would say, firstly Austism is a hug umbrella for lots and lots of developmental and behavioural problems. If you Google, you'll see the spectrum is huge these days. If you were to mention the 'A' word to the parent, they could freak! I am in a very similar situation with a friend and her ds. I have been increasingly concerned that there is some kind of issue with his development, but I could never say anything to her. It'd break her. Once your mindee is in school, IF there are still problems, it won't take long for it to be picked up.

I know its hard, but you just have to leave it.

oops · 12/03/2008 18:11

Message withdrawn

CarGirl · 12/03/2008 18:17

when you start accepting the educating grants then you will have to write objectives etc for him. You could write some for him now along the lines of "come when he is called by name" and perhaps ask if he does this at home? "complete a 3 piece jigsaw puzzle" etc etc

I agree though that his mum seems to be in denial so perhaps best to leave it.

frannikin · 12/03/2008 18:23

I'd second the idea of observations/objectives - it may be that when you write it all down and look at it there's nothing abnormal, just lots of little things that can be worked on.

And if you're still concerned you have something to show to the mother - maybe start writing him little 'reports' like he might get at school.

cheapskatemum · 16/03/2008 19:54

Maiou - if the mother is in denial she almost certainly WON'T mention her child's difficulties to a health professional. It is only consultant paediatricians who can diagnose autistic spectrum disorder. Research has shown that, with no "cure", early intervention gives best developmental results e.g. the Early Bird programme. You could try phoning the NAS helpline for advice. At the end of the day, you are trying to do what's best for the child.

Blueskythinker · 16/03/2008 20:10

You sound like you want to help, but I wouldn't say anything. I have a friend whose CM said she thought her DD was 'different' and 'difficult' and hinted at autism. My friend really took it to heart (to the point of being obsessive). I don't think her DD is on the autistic spectrum, yet my friend is now convinced her DD is autistic.

FWIW though, this little boy's behaviour does sound a little introverted.