Should I complain to Ofsted about this childminder or mind my own business?

[tokajlover]

For context, I am currently still at home with my 17-month-old daughter as I am taking a prolonged career break. As such, we are out and about all week at different toddler groups and playgrounds around us.

We live on a new estate, and you end up seeing a lot of the same faces around. As it’s relatively rare in the area I live in especially to still be on maternity or a SAHM, most of the people I see out during the day and at groups are childminders.

There is one childminder who I have noticed and who I believe has an appaling attitude towards the children in her care, but I am not sure if I am overreacting simply because my parenting style is very different. She has 4 children normally in her care, and when she comes to this drop-in toddler group & cafe she is mostly on her phone ignoring the children, rolling her eyes about them, giving them derogatory nicknames when talking to other childminders and just generally being distracted. Now, I get that the point of this stay and play is that the caretakers can have a bit of a break and a hot drink, while the children are diatracted by each other and the toys, it’s why I go as well, after all! I wouldn’t expect her to actively play and follow them around, but she does not pay attention when they hurt themselves, need help or even when they go up to her to talk or ask her about something.

I have seen her in one of the local playparks as well that has some quite tricky equipment just on her phone, not paying any attention to the children.

However, the bit that concerns me most is how she acts towards the one baby in her care. This baby is maybe 9-10 months old, as she is crawling, and she is routinely, in my view, neglected whenever I see her. She will be put down in the middle of the room and left to her own devices except when she’s being fed, and she will routinely be left to cry. What I mean by that is, she will either hurt herself, or just start crying as babies do, and she will deliberately ignore her, even as the baby desperately points in her direction. If she does go to get her it takes her ages and she will normally only do this when other childminders or the lady who runs the toddler group will go over to check on the baby and try and console her. I have only recently started going to this group but from the way the childminders act, it seems to be a common occurence, as they are all used to being the ones to pick her up/console her when needed.

When she goes to the bathroom, she will not say a word or ask anyone to watch the baby, she will head towards the door, the baby will start crying hysterically, she will look back and then proceed to walk out the door, leaving other people to comfort the baby. She never plays with her or engages with her. Other parents and childminders take it in turns to look after her or engage with her as she will desperately be seeking connection by going up to other people and asking to play.

Another mum that has joined recently and I actually started talking about this today, she said she so attends another church group where this childminder goes as well, and that the baby is routinely ignored there as well. Whenever someone else picks her up, which I haven’t done as wouldn’t feel comfortable picking another child up without their parents’ permission, she will just say “oh she’s fine she’s just tired”, while making no effort to ever comfort her until the other people start being visibly uncomfortable. This other mum has said this particular childminder is the reason she has delayed going back to work, as seeing her interact like this (or not!) with the children has made her afraid others might act this way too.

She genuinely seems to have utter disdain for the children in her care.

I have been nosey and read her Ofsted report, she is rated “Good” and it says she’s warm and caring and has a strong relationship with the children in her care.

Am I just getting unfair snippets of her day at these groups and in parks? Should I mind my own business or would others feel uncomfortable about this as well?

I have thought about reporting her anonymously to Ofsted but I think she could figure out quite easily it was me or the other new mum and as I am also local, I am wary of creating any troubles for myself, it just breaks my heart to see that baby every week, she looks so miserable.

I would report this. That poor child.

That sounds awful OP, I would definitely have to say something.

I wonder if any of the soft plays or anything would have cctv proof as I would imagine she will just deny and be Mary Poppins on inspection?

You should absolutely report this. If she does this in public imagine what she is like when she is at home with these children? Her behaviour is appalling.
I would report it without hesitation, she will never find out it was you.
I’d also be trying to work out who the mother was so I could tell her too.
my child was looked after by a childminder. I would absolutely have wanted to know if this was going on. Horrible woman

Absolutely would report, imagine how you'd feel if this is they way that your children were being treated.

I experienced something similar in the past OP except I'm not in the UK so no ofsted to report to here. I wasn't comfortable enough to call her out on it, but I remember thinking I would have loved to find out who the kids parents were and drop them an anonymous message about it. It doesn't really bear thinking about, the thought that someone you trust to look after your kids treats them like that 😢

I would be tempted to report, but would the parents of the kids actually find out then, or would she be able to sweep it under the carpet?

Please report - you can ring MASH and put in an anonymous referral

Report asap. That poor poor baby, i would be furious if i found out my child was being treated like that

Please report this today. It's a safeguarding issue. As someone else previously said if she can behave this way in public what is going on in her home with these children.

What happens if I report her, does anyone have any experience of this?

Given that her Ofsted inspection and reviews are really good, presumably she would just not act this way if anyone came by? They would only really know if they observed her at one of these groups without telling her they were doing this

TBH this is why I would never have used a childminder. I have seen far too many examples of shoddy behaviour by childminders, and the reality is that they’re not really overseen by anyone. An ofsted report once every five years or so counts for nothing.

When my DC was growing up I saw childminders who:

Ignored the kids at baby groups/soft play
One who used to leave one of her charges in the car, out of sight, while she delivered another one to preschool, and would then arrange for one of the other mums to bring her home.
Another one who really disliked one of her charges so much that if he cried more than a bit she would ring his mum to collect him. The mum eventually terminated her contract with her so not sure what happened there.

Obviously there are some decent childminders out there, but the fact that so many of them do it purely because they don’t want to leave their own children but still want to make money is going to inevitably lead to a lot of bad ones.

Just look at the amount of threads on here from people saying they need to find a job,and one of the suggestions, apart from @take in ironing,@ seems to be @have you thought of childminding?

Def report. She won't know it's you

Do uou know where she lives

Can you follow
And wait for mum to
Collect and talk to her

You can report to Ofsted they then do an unannounced inspection. You can also contact your LA families information and report to them who may turn up to groups.

You seem to have a lot of detail for someone who only saw childminders at groups
Very few childminders do it as an easy stay with your own kids jobs that's a very outdated comment do you know about the application process nowadays?

MASH has been replaced: they are now C-SPA (Single point of contact) and you contact them if you have a concern about a child.
You contact LADO if you have a concern about a childcare provider.
Both contact details will be through your Local Authority, so check on your County Council website.
You can contact OFSTED direct, but LADO is the local contact, more likely to know both the childminder and the playgroup and they will contact OFSTED themselves if they decide it's necessary.

Beentheredonethat101

How long ago was this, and what happened when you reported them?

I would report but more importantly I would try and find out who the parents are (not necessarily easy, I know) and tell them.

I would report, just make sure you keep the report limited to a factual report of what you've actually seen. I'd also try and film it if possible.

I would speak to the parents if I could find them as well.

I have seen far too many examples of shoddy behaviour by childminders, and the reality is that they’re not really overseen by anyone.

They're overseen by everyone who sees them out and about, as this thread demonstrates, which is far more than you get at a nursery where it's all behind closed doors.

When my son was3 months old I had to go back to work ( this is mid 90s) in London and we engaged a part time nanny share - but most of the day she was with our son as the rest of the share was school aged pickups for 2 hours.

She looked after him at our flat- one day my H had to come home midday as was unwell and he could hear our son screaming his head off- so he stayed outside the flat and listened- this went on for an hour and he heard the woman watching Jeremy Kyle and telling our 3 month old son to 'shut the fuck up' - he eventually walked in and fired her.

Ever since that point I'm afraid I preferred nurseries- less one on one but more people around to witness poor care if it happens.

There are some really amazing childminders (and luckily we got one between 3 months and 15 months) but like any job there are some who do it just for the money.

@NuffSaidSam I disagree-as per post I just made-

You're describing a Nanny, not a Childminder, Crickeyalmighty.
A childminder works in her own home, not yours.

Why are you even asking? You know it’s wrong. Report her.

Your husband stood outside his flat, unwell, for an HOUR listening to his child cry and the nanny watch Jeremy Kyle?!

I hope you got divorced shortly after!

@Tanith yes it was more a nanny share I guess- part time at mine, part at the other families- the 2nd person I had was a similar kind of share- but all done from her house- she was marvellous

That's ok. We're allowed to disagree!

But what I would say is....you found that out because you were able to come back and walk in on them in the middle of the day....can't do that with a nursery. All behind closed doors. All the witnesses too young to say anything. Presumably, if your baby regularly cried for hours your neighbours would have mentioned something, for example? Not in a nursery.