Should I complain to Ofsted about this childminder or mind my own business?

[tokajlover]

For context, I am currently still at home with my 17-month-old daughter as I am taking a prolonged career break. As such, we are out and about all week at different toddler groups and playgrounds around us.

We live on a new estate, and you end up seeing a lot of the same faces around. As it’s relatively rare in the area I live in especially to still be on maternity or a SAHM, most of the people I see out during the day and at groups are childminders.

There is one childminder who I have noticed and who I believe has an appaling attitude towards the children in her care, but I am not sure if I am overreacting simply because my parenting style is very different. She has 4 children normally in her care, and when she comes to this drop-in toddler group & cafe she is mostly on her phone ignoring the children, rolling her eyes about them, giving them derogatory nicknames when talking to other childminders and just generally being distracted. Now, I get that the point of this stay and play is that the caretakers can have a bit of a break and a hot drink, while the children are diatracted by each other and the toys, it’s why I go as well, after all! I wouldn’t expect her to actively play and follow them around, but she does not pay attention when they hurt themselves, need help or even when they go up to her to talk or ask her about something.

I have seen her in one of the local playparks as well that has some quite tricky equipment just on her phone, not paying any attention to the children.

However, the bit that concerns me most is how she acts towards the one baby in her care. This baby is maybe 9-10 months old, as she is crawling, and she is routinely, in my view, neglected whenever I see her. She will be put down in the middle of the room and left to her own devices except when she’s being fed, and she will routinely be left to cry. What I mean by that is, she will either hurt herself, or just start crying as babies do, and she will deliberately ignore her, even as the baby desperately points in her direction. If she does go to get her it takes her ages and she will normally only do this when other childminders or the lady who runs the toddler group will go over to check on the baby and try and console her. I have only recently started going to this group but from the way the childminders act, it seems to be a common occurence, as they are all used to being the ones to pick her up/console her when needed.

When she goes to the bathroom, she will not say a word or ask anyone to watch the baby, she will head towards the door, the baby will start crying hysterically, she will look back and then proceed to walk out the door, leaving other people to comfort the baby. She never plays with her or engages with her. Other parents and childminders take it in turns to look after her or engage with her as she will desperately be seeking connection by going up to other people and asking to play.

Another mum that has joined recently and I actually started talking about this today, she said she so attends another church group where this childminder goes as well, and that the baby is routinely ignored there as well. Whenever someone else picks her up, which I haven’t done as wouldn’t feel comfortable picking another child up without their parents’ permission, she will just say “oh she’s fine she’s just tired”, while making no effort to ever comfort her until the other people start being visibly uncomfortable. This other mum has said this particular childminder is the reason she has delayed going back to work, as seeing her interact like this (or not!) with the children has made her afraid others might act this way too.

She genuinely seems to have utter disdain for the children in her care.

I have been nosey and read her Ofsted report, she is rated “Good” and it says she’s warm and caring and has a strong relationship with the children in her care.

Am I just getting unfair snippets of her day at these groups and in parks? Should I mind my own business or would others feel uncomfortable about this as well?

I have thought about reporting her anonymously to Ofsted but I think she could figure out quite easily it was me or the other new mum and as I am also local, I am wary of creating any troubles for myself, it just breaks my heart to see that baby every week, she looks so miserable.

That baby cannot speak and doesn't haves voice to explain all of this.
Please do it for them.

I’ve seen this with childminders too but assumed like some of the Mums they just needed a break and to converse with adults for a bit.

The worst one was actually a Grandpa well known at all the local toddler groups who would go along with his grandson then completely ignore him, he would sit with a book or his paper and not look up once. The little boy would get up to all sorts or be dirty and he wouldn’t care. The Mum would come along occasionally and she was one of these loud I have an important career types don’t you know, quite a show off about cats and houses and I did judge.

Appalling!!

Could you post anomalously in the local Facebook group asking for childminder recommendations with real experiences? With any luck a parent of those children will make themselves known.

You should definitely report this OP.
Just imagine if that was your daughter and no one reported it. How would you feel?
That poor little girl is obviously being neglected.

As an early years educator, I would never dream of leaving a baby to cry or leave them to their own devices.
Being on the phone 😡what in the actual hell......
Don't just report this also try and make the child's parents aware.

Especially since Jeremy Kyle didn’t start until 2005!

😂

I would report it. I don't think you'll get found out, but tbh I wouldn't care if I were. I am shocked that no-one else has had the balls if it's a well-known occurrence !

The only good I can see in this is that you now know some of the good childminders and will be able to choose one of them as your childminder should you go back to work.
I would be very tempted to report her too.

I suppose it's like any job, but childminders fight so hard to be recognised for the educated professionals that they are, and there's always a few that spoil this.

Being on the phone is necessary sometimes, to update apps or message parents - although I wouldn't do it at a busy group as I need my eyes! However, you're not allowed to wander off to the toilet and leave them with anyone else.

There is a big difference between neglecting children and stepping back allowing independence while watching from a distance....and obviously you can chat while you're watching....hopefully what you see is supervised play not totally ignoring.
It's a difficult one because we have lots of helicopter parents who judge others because they allow freedom and independence it's a delicate balance.

I reported another childminder to Ofsted once for similar behaviour at a toddler group.
I don't know exactly what happened but in future she was much more attentive and stopped doing the particularly harmful behaviour.

Please report this. I would definitely try to get in touch with any of the parents. Sometimes childminders have a social media page and parents may have commented on or liked their page. Have a look online. Poor little things, their parents would be heartbroken to think their babies were being treated like this.

Definitely report, they can do a surprise inspection. The childminder won't know it's you, anyone can report so it could be another childminder, a school, or a parent. It sounds like she hates her job . You could also let the parents know of the children she cares for if you know any of them.

Imagine what she's like when no one is watching

This is what I was thinking.

The fact that she's openly calling innocent children derogatory names is a massive concern. Also leaving a baby to cry repeatedly without offering any comfort, how is she being paid to be a childminder?!

Even if the children are physically safe, what she is doing emotionally to them is abusive.

Children can't speak up for themselves. Please report, and hopefully the parents will be notified.

I know of a nanny that was doing similar, she was leaving the baby on his own on purpose so he would learn some independence and to stop crying as soon as he’s put on the floor. She cares for lots of children and couldn’t constantly hold him. It seemed harsh and lots of people payed attention to it, but it worked, eventually he learnt to play by himself at playgroups and gained confidence.

There are other ways though. I would not accept my child being left to cry by a carer.

I would definitely report. I've also seen this behaviour from a childminder. Completely disengaged to the point of being neglectful. Unfortunately it seems to be quite common and everyone used to talk about it at playgroups as it was more than just having your hands full or taking a 5 minute breather. There's a clear difference snd the fact you're concerned and feel uncomfortable shows it's a problem. The parents probably have no idea sadly