Nursery withholding pudding

[Roseybuddy]

Hoping to get some advice here.

I am currently 2 months into working at a nursery which my DS (3.5) has recently joined. I have always thought the preschool practitioners are very harsh on the children but now my little one is there I am even more concerned about this.

So, my DS is not the biggest and best eater. I have had around a year and a half of struggling with fussy eating but his previous nursery have done an amazing job in the past 4 months with encouraging eating and trying new foods. His new preschool which is also my new workplace don't encourage but more so, make them eat and it must be all within a time limit otherwise no pudding. This is done infront of the other children, their uneaten meal and pudding is put in the bin infront of them and if or when they are upset by this, no comfort is given.

Quick example, my DS doesn't like curry, never has.

Today lunch was Thai green chicken curry & rice. DS loves rice but nursery mixed the curry up with the rice and made him eat. He sat and cried whilst forcing himself to eat, he managed half. They allowed him his flapjack pudding, he didn't want it by this point so they took it away.

4 hours later at tea time, they serve up turkey paste rolls and cucumber slices, DS isn't hungry but again, made to eat. He eats half the roll and no cucumber. Because he didn't eat the entire roll they told him he wasn't allowed his fruit yoghurt and put it in the bin as punishment for not eating his entire roll.

So really all I want to know is;

1 - can nurseries without food from children as punishment?

2 - I have approached deputy about my disagreement of this to be told, this is how they do it and he will eat eventually. Should I take concern higher to owner?

3 - Surely, if the pudding is a healthy option this shouldn't be taken away without parents agreeing to this? Calories are so important in growing children.

I work with the younger children so am not in the room with DS when this is happening otherwise I would assist in encouraging him to eat. I would never force a child to eat or remove pudding as punishment

Grateful for any advice please, I am only a trainee practitioner so not currently qualified

Dear Christ!! Is this sort of sadistic nonsense still alive in 2023?

As a child brought up in the late 60s~ early 70s, it was common practise, but I cannot believe this is still happening.
Your poor DC.
I would report to everyone I could think of asap, make a written record for your self so you don’t forget anything and b3 an utter ‘pita’ to them.

Vile people like this should not be allowed anywhere near children, the elderly or anyone vulnerable quite frankly.

You are your child’s voice, op, start shouting!

I was forced to eat as a child and it created big problems for me to the point that I hated meal times. I genuinely wasn’t a hungry child and I was forced to eat when I felt full and it was absolutely awful. I still remember the anxiety about sitting at the table and knowing what was about to happen.
Awful outdated practice. Please remove your child from this situation.

Please please report to ofsted immediately! This is abusive behaviour. I would not be sending my child there for a minute longer!!

Defo report to ofsted asap and I would defo take ur child out and tell them to stick there job up there ass if that's they way they treat a child it's abuse....no one should force a child to eat something they don't want or like....

My DDs nursery give pudding regardless in order to ensure they try new foods no matter what. So not to cause issues with food.

I pay a fee for my daughter to have meals and snacks, so I expect that to be offered.

She also gets as long as she needs to eat, to reflect what is likely to happen at home.

I know with working there it will be difficult, but I'd bring it up next staff meeting.

If they try the 'we're preparing them for school' thing - my eldest DD is at school and can eat for as long as needed until their one hour break time is over - if she misses a chance to play outside because she's still eating, it's on her. They also sit children at mixed age tables so they're helped and modelled on behaviours.

I would find it telling if a nursery worker didn't have their own child in the nursery! If I were you I'd send DC to another nursery - their practice is outdated.

I work in a nursery and we would absolutely never behave like this in a million years.
meal times for us are a social occasion. We encourage the children to serve themselves, taking turns. This way they can also control how much goes in their own plate (staff member sat with each table to supervise and assist where necessary). If a child point blank refuses after some gentle encouragement, such as us speaking to the other children about how the food tastes, and staff having a small plate of the same food themselves, we will offer a slice of toast or a couple of crackers etc. Children can’t learn when they are hungry and some are with us for long days!
we would also never ever refuse pudding. We usually just have yoghurt or fruit for puddings, but occasionally treats such as a small fairy cake etc. I’d rather a child ate something than nothing.
my little one also attends my setting and it breaks my heart to think of him getting anxious at meal times. You’re in a difficult position as it’s your job but try looking elsewhere and move both yourself and your DC. I don’t know where you are exactly but early years is crying out for L3 qualified staff right now!

Wow that's awful! DS went through a little phase of refusing dinner then demanding pudding, 3 ish at the time. He's always eaten well and a broad range, but at home pudding is fruit, yogurt etc mainly. Nursery once he went into the preschool class, it's custard with sponge or flapjacks, ice cream etc and he was asking for seconds of pudding after not even having a bite of dinner.

We asked them not to give him pudding if he had made no attempt to eat his dinner at all, they told us if we really felt strongly about it we would have to write a letter as they couldn't withhold food without written instruction from the parent, even pudding. We just told DS that if he didn't stop messing around and eat some dinner we would write that letter. It worked, and we didn't have to, but as I say that was him chancing his luck with dinners we knew he liked.
This kind of treatment could give a child issues around food for life!

Is this true? If so as everyone says this is truly awful and against all guidelines. The poor kids.

So often I think parents don't know the half of what goes on at nursery (although not saying many do this! This is extreme - but bet the parents don't know)

Absolutely not. Even if he refused to touch his main meal they can’t withhold pudding.

You should report it to the owner, but you need to find another nursery.

There are so many ways to encourage a child to eat this is not one of them.

Leave immediately and report to ofsted. This is abuse.

disgusting absolutely complain - are parents paying for this? Surely regardless the food is part of the fee anyway.

This is essentially abuse

No , food should never be used as punishment.

no wiggle room on that.
im quite shocked , this was part of our training 20 years ago 🤯

Trust your instinct. Go above the deputy manager. Very bad practice and will end up causing eating issues if not challenged.

Good luck !

Horrific.

Report this to ofsted. Wtaf

It's denying basic human right to food actually. And it's poor practice because could encourage eating disordered behaviour. Using food as punishment is a definite no no.

Personally I would secure another job, get DC into another nursery & not look back.
Go to Ofsted with your complaint to boot but get evidence of this practice before you do because they'll deny it.

I've never heard of a nursery or school deliberately throwing good food in the bin.
I think that eating disorders are no longer hidden. People often talk about them more to raise awareness and, quite frankly, I think the norm should never be that food is used as either a reward or a punishment.
Those kids are too young and some might end up being being conditioned due to this if it's a daily thing. Food should not be associated to neither amazing nor terrible feelings as a daily thing.

You probably need to leave & remove DC because if they're doing that they'll be doing other outdated practice also.
Owner probably knows already. Report to Ofsted

Abusive. Contact OFSTED

That’s outrageous and completely outdated. I had a fussy child and now he’s a teenager who eats everything. I managed that without traumatising him or withholding food.

When I was 4 I had my tonsils out and was in hospital for 10 days. Mum was with me all day but during the nights I was on my own - horrendous. I did not like plain milk - still don’t - and on the morning of discharge the evil matron bitch told me if I didn’t drink my milk mum wouldn’t come and get me. I’m pretty sure I didn’t drink it but that feeling of powerlessness was awful. That happened once and I’ve never forgotten it. No kid should feel like that.

This is a massive safe guarding issue and emotional abuse

Report to ofsted and remove your child

Another thing - drives me nuts that many nurseries do tea at 330

Child isn't really hungry or will snack

But often they need a second tea at home which isn't helpful to the working parent

Why don't they do tea at 430/5

Take him out of there and repot this!

This has made me so upset
Please report this asap and make sure you do everything to stop this

You may need to find a new job but please do not let this horrible practise continue

I'd have this investigated. Contact a lawyer and enquire about withholding and removing food as a punishment in a UK education establishment. As far as I know it is not legal practice to do this, I'd see this as punitive and abusive.

Disgusting outdated practices.

I'd wonder what else they are doing that is no longer best practice.

I'd pull him out. And I'd let them know why.