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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nursery withholding pudding

82 replies

Roseybuddy · 27/07/2023 21:37

Hoping to get some advice here.

I am currently 2 months into working at a nursery which my DS (3.5) has recently joined. I have always thought the preschool practitioners are very harsh on the children but now my little one is there I am even more concerned about this.

So, my DS is not the biggest and best eater. I have had around a year and a half of struggling with fussy eating but his previous nursery have done an amazing job in the past 4 months with encouraging eating and trying new foods. His new preschool which is also my new workplace don't encourage but more so, make them eat and it must be all within a time limit otherwise no pudding. This is done infront of the other children, their uneaten meal and pudding is put in the bin infront of them and if or when they are upset by this, no comfort is given.

Quick example, my DS doesn't like curry, never has.

Today lunch was Thai green chicken curry & rice. DS loves rice but nursery mixed the curry up with the rice and made him eat. He sat and cried whilst forcing himself to eat, he managed half. They allowed him his flapjack pudding, he didn't want it by this point so they took it away.

4 hours later at tea time, they serve up turkey paste rolls and cucumber slices, DS isn't hungry but again, made to eat. He eats half the roll and no cucumber. Because he didn't eat the entire roll they told him he wasn't allowed his fruit yoghurt and put it in the bin as punishment for not eating his entire roll.

So really all I want to know is;

1 - can nurseries without food from children as punishment?

2 - I have approached deputy about my disagreement of this to be told, this is how they do it and he will eat eventually. Should I take concern higher to owner?

3 - Surely, if the pudding is a healthy option this shouldn't be taken away without parents agreeing to this? Calories are so important in growing children.

I work with the younger children so am not in the room with DS when this is happening otherwise I would assist in encouraging him to eat. I would never force a child to eat or remove pudding as punishment

Grateful for any advice please, I am only a trainee practitioner so not currently qualified

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

xyz111 · 27/07/2023 21:55

Never force food on a child. An ideal way to make them have issues with food later in life.

calmcoco · 27/07/2023 21:55

This should be reported. Almost unbelievable.

Finchgold · 27/07/2023 22:00

My child’s first nursery did this, one of the reasons I moved them. Wasn’t allowed to join a birthday celebration with cake because they didn’t eat their fruit.

They’d have a cereal and fruit breakfast at home with me then nursery would feed them another breakfast as they arrived and they were surprised they never wanted to eat lunch at 11.30.

Topseyt123 · 27/07/2023 22:00

I'd try to get a space back at his old nursery and hope to send him back there.

Yes to reporting these dolts.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/07/2023 22:03

This is appalling, and yes, abuse.

I'm really upset at the thought of all those families dropping off their tiny children thinking they're being looked after in a lovely environment and the poor kids are being bullied and threatened by the adults that are supposed to be nurturing them.

Original poster

Roseybuddy · 27/07/2023 22:06

Thanks everyone for replying.

I am 100% going to speak to the owner with high concern to this, I'm more concerned about DS well-being than my job so hopefully it will get sorted.

Just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable/overprotective.

Thanks again

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 27/07/2023 22:08

That's awful. Both mine are fussy & would have sat and eaten no Thai curry. They would not have eaten turkey paste rolls.

Can't they serve plain food? Surely other children don't eat everything.

Withholding other food then throwing in bin is really controlling & also a waste of food.

ModestMoon · 27/07/2023 22:09

Because he didn't eat the entire roll they told him he wasn't allowed his fruit yoghurt and put it in the bin as punishment for not eating his entire roll.

This is horrible, withdraw DS straight away and let other parents know,

ModestMoon · 27/07/2023 22:10

Throwing his yoghurt away, that would devestate my same aged child. Awful.

mulesrules · 27/07/2023 22:12

Please report to Ofsted, this is a huge safeguarding issue.
If you can afford to leave your job and remove your child with immediate effect, then please do so.

SprinkleRainbow · 27/07/2023 22:13

This is so bad.
30 years ago I was a ridiculously fussy child, I had to sit with all the other children but not once would any member of staff try and force me to eat. I went to a lovely nursery.

I had to take part in meal times, but if I didn't eat once everyone was finished I'd be taken into another room to eat a sandwich or something else that I would eat.
Still have major food problems now, but that was 30 years ago and it wasn't acceptable to do that to children then (in a childcare setting) but in 2023 with the amount we know about psychology in children especially on force feeding and restriction - report them! And take your DC out.

BertieBotts · 27/07/2023 22:15

This sounds really outdated.

Our nursery often serve things like thai curry but there is ALWAYS a plain alternative. I fairly often get a report that one or other DC has only eaten plain rice, they don't force anything. They don't do pudding at meals but they do have an afternoon snack which is pudding-like - and this is offered totally independent of anything at lunch!

Molehillminnie · 27/07/2023 22:16

Leave. Remove your child. Report to Ofsted/LEA/LADO as appropriate.

kjokise · 27/07/2023 22:21

My heart is pounding even just reading this. I literally wouldn't send my child there for another second, I would never ever ever ever let anyone treat my child like this knowingly. Please please take him out of there asap. How absolutely awful

kjokise · 27/07/2023 22:23

I was actually just about to go to sleep and am now wide awake and feel so sad reading this. I so hope you take him out of there and blow the whistle for other kids too

Emmamoo89 · 27/07/2023 22:25

This is abuse. Definitely report x

spotnoodle · 27/07/2023 22:27

How do they make any kid eat anything? I mean literally... how do they do it?

ferntwist · 27/07/2023 22:28

That is so bad. You must blow the whistle to other parents or Ofsted if you can?

csandsickofit · 27/07/2023 22:32

This is abuse and this used to happen to me 58 years ago. I still remember it with horror. It also happened to Alan Titchmarsh in his autobiography. It will stay with him his whole life unless you do something now. It is very very cruel.

234vhh · 27/07/2023 22:33

Don’t talk to the owners, get him out of that damaging and abusive situation asap and report them to protect all the other children. Tell as many parents as you can to let them know - I would want to know.

cupoftee · 27/07/2023 22:34

This is outrageous.

Please report to ofsted they are damaging children's mental health and well being.
'Breaking their spirit' is a phrase that comes to mind.

You won't get anywhere talking with staff/ managers/ owners as chances are they know it's happening and turning a blind eye. It's a culture. It's normal to them. You will probably be seen as a troublemaker.

I can't understand why you'd put your precious child in an environment where you know this happens. You obviously don't agree with it but you're allowing others to treat your child this way.

Imagine the confusion and upset these little children feel watching an adult have the power to throw away their treat in front of them.

If you took away 'nursery' and 'staff' and wrote this as at 'home' 'mum' does this to child, SS would be involved.

God, what do they do if a child has an accident when potty training or doesn't put a toy away.

This nursery needs closing down. Or contact Panorama.

grievinggirlneedsadvice · 27/07/2023 22:38

Nope, my child would be out of there.
It's one thing to hold a standard of no dinner, no pudding (not saying I agree/disagree with it) and quite another to shame, punish and force-feed in what sounds like an abusive manner.

NotMeekNotObedient · 27/07/2023 22:39

This is terrible.

Sounds like they are stuck well in the past!

Paste sandwiches....odd odd odd.

LilyLemonade · 27/07/2023 22:41

Bloody hell, that's awful! Absolutely agree with the other PP. Food must never be used as an inducement or punishment. Very cruel.

Aria2015 · 27/07/2023 22:46

I'd be so cross. There is lots of information out there that shows how damaging this kind of thing is to children's eating habits. It actually can have the opposite affect to what they're aiming for.

My dd is a picky eater and sometimes will not eat any of her nursery lunch but they will give her pudding (as much as she wants) and offer crackers as an alternative. She never goes hungry and her lunch isn't stressful (which is exactly how it should be!).

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