Am I being Selfish?

[Jayjay08]

So, me and my mum live together- we own the house jointly. I have a 2 year old and I am 6 months pregnant. I work as a full time teacher- single parent.
My sister has a 4 year old- my 2 year old and her 4 year old fight constantly like literally you can’t sit down always arguing it drives me insane. Anyways my mum has her two year old two days a week every school holidays (my holidays from work). But it’s driving me mad I live in this house too. I feel it’s unfair -they just agree between them when my mum is having him and I’m never consulted. But when my sister wants me to babysit she always asks me to go to hers and look after him because it’s unfair on my mum to have him at ours. Like I just feel that they don’t even consider me and they don’t see it as my house too and it’s my break from work . Am I being selfish? I’m considering putting my 2 year old on holiday club for those two days a week in the summer holidays but I feel like why should I be wasting £300/£400 when it’s my house. My mum said she feels bad to say no to my sister because she needs the help.

Isn't it your mums house too? It would be unreasonable for her not to see her other grandchild, she lives with your children.

Did you consult your mum before you got pregnant?

Yes it’s both our house we own it together.
When my sisters child is here they don’t stop fighting with my child. I never ever get a break and my sister lives 5 minutes down the road. So for her to go and have him at her house would be simple.

And I had my child before we bought a house together.

I feel sorry for your mother.

Well your pregnant again, did you discuss it with your mother beforehand? Maybe she doesn't want a newborn screaming all hours of the night?

She's entitled to look after her other grandchild at her (your) house, she says your sister needs the help.

Maybe you should start looking for another place to live if its going to bother you that much?

Does she look after your 2 year old whilst you're at work?

I had IVF so was a very much planned pregnancy. I pay mortgage/ half bills ect so if we were to get our own houses neither of us would be able to afford our own. My sister is on 100k+ between her and her husband so they can afford holiday club.

If it's only two days a week, could you take your toddler out on those days? Or compromise with your mum that she has your nephew one day at your house and one day at your sister's?

I do think your being a bit unreasonable here. It’s your mums house too and she can have her grandchild round if she wants. You have the whole school holidays, can’t you take your DC out for a bit on those days?

You're being unreasonable. The house is as much your mum's as it is yours and she should be able to have her grandchildren round if she wants, no, she shouldn't have to consult you.

@Luxell934 they share a house, not a womb!

I actually don’t think the OP is being unreasonable, there’s a big difference between dictating someone can’t see a grandchild and committing to two days a week every week.

It is the child’s home too. And there is an alternative!

Ok so why does my sister ask me to go to hers and babysit on some Saturdays. Like why could I just not have him at ‘our’ house - because she wants to give my mum a break because she has him two days in the week- but I practically have him those two days aswell.

Ah of course. The OP is at fault.

Some of these responses are just utterly ridiculous.

No OP, you aren't being selfish. She should definitely consultant you and you should both come to an agreement when it comes to babysitting.

Can't your DM go to her DD house once a week, and she babysits at the house once a week? Means you have some peace and quiet.

@GrazingSheep

Why??

Obviously, but OP is saying her mother shouldn't have her grandchild around so much because it annoys her BUT she's having another child who is going to live with the mother full time. What if the mother said actually I don't want another young child living in my house?

Bit different though as it isn’t the mothers sole house.

Yes, you are. Two days out of 7 while you’re not working. You’ll cope. Or help. Or take yours out.

I don't think it unreasonable to ask for at least one day your mother can look after nephew at your sisters house.

I had IvF for a long time- the current pregnancy was not a surprise it was planned and wanted by all.

I get it - because your kids don’t get on, it means that you are practically having to get involved and as such it’s like you are babysitting as well. It’s 2 days extra work for you.

Your mums in a hard position, but if you get on well enough to buy a house together can you not just talk to her and say you are struggling and maybe could she goto your sisters for 1 of the days as a compromise?

Yeah exactly that - the two together drive my mum and me mad screaming and shouting all day I end up having to lock myself and my 2 year old in a bedroom together to separate them. I take my two year old and her 4 year old old to the park or swimming ect but it’s hard to keep them out for 8 hours a day.

Don't explain yourself. Some posters are just awful.

@Jayjay08

YANBU

Why doesn't your Mum look after him at his house?

the kids arguing constantly won't last forever. Apart from YOU wanting the peace, it's not fair on DD to have to put up with an older cousin fighting with her 2 days a week either. If YOU have to go there to babysit to give your mum a break, why does the same not apply the other way around??

Take yourself out the next time your mum is 'babysitting' and she might not be so keen if she's left herself with the wee one.