what to ask my first au pair

[TheFennelandtheIvy]

I'm about to hire our first au pair. am I right that the going rate (in the UK but outside London) is about £55 per week plus room and food? for up to 25 hours help a week? is it more if they have lots of experience already?

I know someone had a list of things to ask an au pair when hiring them - who has it? would really appreciate seeing such a list.

And who pays for their travel if they come over from another country - you or them?

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2300&threadid=46829&stamp=041202154245\here's} a recent thread about what to expect from an au pair, fennel. Sorry, I don't know the answer re rates/questions to ask.

thanks, YD/HD!

I have an application from a lovely sounding Swedish one with 3 years experience (also very tall, think and glamorous - eek!) - won't she think £55 terribly little?

AFAIK, £50 a week is about the minimum for 25 hours. You would expect to pay more for a good standard of English, a driving license and relevent (provable) experience. My totally crap Polish au pair balked at £60 (for 30 hours), but the agency told me that this was the right rate since she spoke no English and couldn't drive. Once you factor in the value of the room & board, and the tax-free nature of the pocket money, it works out over £5 an hour - more than minimum wage for what is basically a minimum wage job.

You could always say you'll increase their pocket money after a couple of months - this will give them incentive to work well.

They pay their own travel into the UK, but you pay their travel from the airport.

thanks, amerryscot. I don't really need someone very experienced as we are around lots, so they could be less experienced. and they do fewer hours than 25.

so an 18 year old from Eastern Europe would be OK with about £55, but not an experienced Swede maybe?

I mean they could do fewer hours than 25 a week rather than be paid more maybe?

Hi there, I have a list. CAT me and I'll send it to you. I'm not sure if mine is the one you are referring to, but I have sent it out to several mumsnetters. I am relatively new to the au pair / nanny thing. But, I learned an awful lot awful fast last summer when I made a bad choice on my first au pair (who was really more of a nanny as she worked full time and had sole charge of my toddler).

Some more possibly helpful facts/advice:

1- You must take on being this person's employer, which means you are responsible for paying his/her tax and yours. Many people advise that you should pay him/her in gross. But there is no law requiring you to do this (I don't). A great website for sorting out what your responsibilities are is nannytax.co.uk (although there is a competitor called nannypaye who is cheaper)

2- Interview questions and reference checks are SOOOOOOOO important. Definitely follow up. A good book, which you can find at Waterstone is The Good Nanny Guide. Definitely read the chapter on interviewing/hiring.

3- "Au Pair", "Nanny", whatever you feel like calling him/her is up to you. If he/she comes from the EU, they can work as many hours as you want them to (within EU employment law of course).

4- If they live in your house, you are obligated by law to pay them minimum wage. If they don't, then you are.

4- Anything that is related to childcare, household duties, cleaning, running errands, laundry, etc. is fair game for reasonable duties (within the pre-defined hours of course) is fair game for an au pair.

5- She may also ask you to send her to language class. This is not required, but is common so you may want to pick up the tab for this if she asks.

6- Personally, I think that if you are taking a young girl from a foreign land into your home to live as part of your family you should personally pick her up at the airport (not just pay for it).

7- If you hire a teenager, expect her to act like one! If you are not looking to bring another child into your family, consider looking for someone older.

Sorry, my toddler has been teaching me to count.

The first "4-" should have read:

4- If they live in your house, you are NOT obligated by law to pay them minimum wage. If they don't, then you are.

Au pairs from EU countries (including accession states) should be able to get free English language lessons. My au pair goes to three different classes a week - all free.

Not sure if there is a hard and fast rule about how their age affects their pay. I think an au pair who is more worldly wise probably would know to look out for higher pay if they have the appropriate skills.

My au pair is 26 (which I thought would be a great thing), but she behaves like a pouty 15 year old - by US/UK standards. It seems that a lot of Polish girls (obviously not all, before everyone starts jumping on me for making sweeping generalisations) live at home until well into their 20s, basically taking orders from their mothers and not really learning the kind of lifeskills that we would expect from someone that age.

thanks Uwila and amerryscot. I will CAT you for that list, Uwila.

See \link{\www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2300&threadid=47685&stamp=041207170833\au piar nanny questionaire} thread. I posted on here earlier today. But, of course if you want it in MSWord format, feel free to CAT.

That didn't work!

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2300&threadid=47685&stamp=041207170833\au pair nanny questionaire}

Merry Scot (great name!) - I am not jumping on you, but having spent a large chunk of my adult life in Eastern Europe (both before and after the fall of communism), most Europeans live with their parents until they marry (and some afterwards as well). Not a generalisation, but it can be very difficult, culturally and financially, for a young woman there to live on her own or flat share. On the plus side,they often come from large extended families and are used to looking after small children from a young age. My current au pair is Romanian and while she is great with the children, she has never lifted a finger to help in the house before and has needed a lot of guidance (eg she has to be told every week to put the children's clean clothes away). And shown how to use a duster!

Could you just recap on that duster thing for me Tanzie?

Fennel and the ivy, I have a polish au pair. She started as our first au pair 6 weeks ago and I couldn't ask for anyone better!!!

I have hardly had to do anything around the house for the last 6 weeks. I go to work and come home and the house is immaculate. much tidier than it was before!!!

She is great with the kids but finds it alittle difficult with my soon to be 4 years dd, but thats ok because so do I sometimes!

I pay her 65 pounds a week and she is well worth it. Hewr english is very good.

She could have 4 days off a week but she doesn't ever take them. Her choice!! We have been in touch with the agency to find other au pairs in our area for her to meet but she said she would rather spend time with us and our friends. Which is fine by us as she is very friendly and more like a sister than anything else to us!

Good luck with finding your au pair and I hop you are as lucky as we are!!

thanks everyone. allthegirls your au pair sounds perfect. though one reason for getting one is my 3yo dd being such hard work!

Can i just add that an Au pair and nanny are completely different. I know it may sound picky and i don't want to offend anyone but I am a nanny and i would be very upset if i was referred to as an Au pair. An Au pair is someone from a different country who look after children while they come here to learn English. A nanny is someone who has decided on a working proffession as a child carer. Most of the time we have qualifications too.
Sorry if i sound like i am winging but i don't think a qualified doctor would like being called a part time med student. Ok i will get off my soap box now!
Good luck with the Au pair!

Guess few of you guys dont like Polish au pairs eh? Well I am Polish , moved of out of my paretns house at 18, went to Uni worked and studied at the same time , managed to be very good student and earn enouf money to support my mum , worked few times for totally spoiled professional British couples who never bothered to put their kids to bed or give them a bath , forget about reading stories. Fed them (2y old girl ..)with cold beans or pizza taken out from the fridge ( canned eughhh!!) So much for so called British standards. By the way why do you think that Swedish Au pair should be paid more than one coming from Eastern Europe ?? Cheap labour or what ?

I had a young polish au pair (whose job description was more of a nanny but her qualifications were like au apair). She came straight from Poland, and was 20 years old. She was crap. She was more interested in boys then she was in DDs welfare. She did not know common toddler safety, they would watch the X files (until I caught wind of it), and she would eat nothing but junk food -- and share it with DD in direct opposition to my instructions. She last a month and a half until she resigned, and was susequently fired before she left.

We now have an older nanny from Estonia. She has no formal nanny qualifications, but has two grown children of her own. She is very well versed in education, entertainment, and toddler safety. She doesn't take the day off when she is sick (I offered to stay home and she declined). I love her.

What's the difference? Poland vs. Estonia? Probably not. I chalk it up to the age difference. I grown woman who has raised two if her own children (and spent most of her life under soviet/communist occupation) has a lot more experience and maturity under her belt than 20 year old seeking internet access to find herself a man.

We actually seeked out a polish girl the first time because when my granny was elderly and couldn't take care of herself, we hired a polish woman, who was very hard working and responsible. Again, the diffference was probably age.

Sad but true, Bolek, people do hire eastern Europeans because they are cheaper. It isn;t that they are worth less in terms of the job. But, they are more willing to work for less. The average two working parent family struggles to afford an au pair / nanny and simply can't afford British rates. German, French, Swedish girls typically expect more money and benefits. Things many of us couldn't dream of forking over.

I think it is market forces that determines how much someone will be paid. If Eastern Europeans are willing to work for less, then they will probably get paid less. It's a fact of life.

But I think the main driving force for the pay is the standard of English. Families pay more for good English and I can see why.

Bolekilolek - you are right a Polish au pair shouldn't be worth less than a Swedish one. I would expect to pay the same rate to either but I suspect a Swedish one may not want to work for it as they can usually get more than that by working in Sweden - the £55 a week for helping out with children and housework. Sorry if it came across wrong.

we don't want a nanny, cheap or expensive, we already have a good nursery for weekdays. We just feel overburdened with 3 under 5s and 2 careers and thought an au pair might be quite an enjoyable way of getting some more help.

One of the respondents to my ad is a 44 year old music teacher from Poland with 20 years teaching experience. It is sad that she's presumably applying as it's more money than she'd earn teaching music in Poland.

Allthegirls, your au pair sounds wonderful! (my thread is linked below, describing my sorry experience so far). - what agency did you use? Are you in London? (sorry to hijack).

Fennelandivy,
That's probably true. My nanny doesn't make a vast amount working for us. She has a degree in education, one in nutrition, and one in veterinary medicine. Whe she came to interview, the one concern I had was why someone with all of that education would want to work for me for the very low pay I was offering. She said that it was more money that she could make as a teacher in Estonia. The down side is that probably when her english has improved more, she will go find a more lucrative job. But, I will certainly enjoy her while it lasts.