what to ask my first au pair

[TheFennelandtheIvy]

I'm about to hire our first au pair. am I right that the going rate (in the UK but outside London) is about £55 per week plus room and food? for up to 25 hours help a week? is it more if they have lots of experience already?

I know someone had a list of things to ask an au pair when hiring them - who has it? would really appreciate seeing such a list.

And who pays for their travel if they come over from another country - you or them?

I would really prefer a young inexperienced woman who wanted a friendly family to live with while learning English. Don't really mind if their English is poor and they're a bit clueless as long as they're enthusiastic.
I am a bit uneasy about hiring an experienced professional from Eastern Europe really for the reasons people are mentioning.

I would have to stress that you consider what you are and are not willing to tolerate. Young could mean that she is less opinionated and more willing to follow your lead. Or, it could mean that you take on parenting an irresponsible teenager. Just, please please remember to grill her in the interview process. It may be worth finding someone in her mid twenties rather than late teens.

My older nanny is perfect fo us because I don't need to be there to teach her how tolook after a toddler. On the other hand, sometimes she is a bit opinionated and set in her ways, which are not always the same as mine. For example, she is very much into homeopathy and all things natural. DD has ONE shirt she appears to be allergic to. The shirt is part polyester and the nanny now thinks I should go buy her an all cotton wardrobe. I had to get a bit cross with her the other night to get across the point that I am NOT throwing away the whole polyester part of the wardrobe. I am convinced that the nanny avoids the polyester clothes when I am not around. She alos won;t put DDs VERY cut hat on because it is part polyester (it cost twenty quid at Daisy and Tom and I am not replacing it!)A younger au pair would probably not be this bold, so I there are benefits if you don't mind taking the risk of having to be her parent.

I think that it is lovely to open your home to someone who is still getting to grasps with basic English, but it is important to appreciate that this does add additional stress over someone who can already speak English well. The whole point of the au pair programme is for young people to learn English.

If the standard of English is not good, it is very difficult to communicate your specific needs to the au pair. If you want them to do something differently, you have to tell them - and this can be very hard if they don't understand what you are saying. It is often easier to do it yourself, and then you set very low expectations for the work which is difficult to change later.

Having had a 26 year old au pair, I am now very open to having a younger one. Chances are with a younger au pair, they will be no more than a few years out from their school English lessons, so should theoretically pick up the language quite quickly. They'd also, hopefully, be less set in their ways are more likely to be open to doing things the way you want them done.

I think there is probably a lot to be said for younger au pairs, most of which I won't for fear of offending the PC brigade.

This is all very useful. It makes me think that a young au pair who's here to learn English but whose language I spoke would be a good bet? which limits it to Spanish or French or maybe German, not Eastern Europe, but maybe that makes sense in terms of communication.

we've had young Spanish lodgers in the past very successfully, but of course they've always been paying us in the past!

Hi. I have alway gone for an Au pair in her mid 20s with good good level of English. I my experience the older Au pair was very set in her ways. She previously worked very hard for a German family up to 35 hours a day for £50, but was very set in their ways of doing things. I also think she was restless always looking for new adventure - I was alway left wondering how long she would stay

our current Au pair ( again Polish) is 20 her English was very poor when she arrived, but everthing was new and exciting for her. SHe needed a lots of supervison and guidence. she did a lot of pushing the boundries and jobs were never done. At times i felt so annoyed and frustrated, but continued pulling her up for things she did badly. I have learnt a lot over the past year.

I am pleased to say this young girl has improved ten fold since the day she arrived.

first it was better to be direct and strict in the beginging about standards and boundries, but always fair. If they don't like it, then they are not for us.

I alway pay the basic £55 then increase it as time goes by and standards improve. I will show appreciation and give treats when its earned.

I do expect an Au pair to integrate with us and do things as she would at home with her family like a hand putting the shopping away, help clearing the dishes away if she chooses to eat with us at the weekends ect

I used to have a live-in nanny from Ukraine ( in her fifties) and she was fantastic. She did not have any "real" qualifications in child care but she was a mother of 3 grown ups. She became a member of our family and was treated as such, we treated her well and paid her well including covering cost of going to Ukraine twice a year to see her sons.Unfortunately she remarried and left. In my opinion you cant expect some very young girl or boy ( yes !)( in her his teens) to be as good as older woman. What teenagers know about child care ?? Nil. And for such a low pay I would not bother either. No wonder some au pairs dont work hard ...

Bolekilolek, that's probably the difference between an au pair and a nanny though, as fufmum pointed out. You're not supposed to expect an au pair to work like a nanny or be experienced, but to want a friendly home to live in while learning English or experiencing living in another country. and to be prepared to do some work to pay their way.

I disagree somewhat with the definition of an au pair being discussed here (but only somewhat). The practice of an au pair only working part time comes from an exchange / visa programme of allowing forgeigners into the country, but only allowing them a limited amount of work/income. Today people hire "au pairs" from within the EU, and they are not restricted on the number of hours. They require no special visa, and are bound by the same employment laws as any other emplyee.

However, I think some practical expectations in terms of their duties still apply. They are generally inexperienced and looking for a place to live. Hence, I would agree that they are not nannies and should not be left with sole charge of young children for long periods of time.

The job title of "Au Pair" is often a stepping stone to becoming a nanny by a candidate who already speaks English. It is often people who want to travel and experience a new culture for very little (you are giving them a place to live).

Also, Au Pairs can be expected to do a bigger variety of duties than an experienced nanny. For example, they do more house cleaning whereas an experienced nanny would not expect to do that. However, some nannies will do a limited amount of tidying, laundry, miscellaneous cleaning.

Hi here is something else you have to worry about when you let young and attractive girl into your house ... www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004570809,00.html Anyone with bas experience ??

bolekilolek - it has crossed my mind that it might stop my frustrated DP from hassling me

I know someone whose wife did run off with the swedish (female) au pair.

WOW !!

Double wow! and am impressed by yuletide's former au pair working 35 hrs a day

sounds like i feel...

Bolek i Lolek - are you Polish?

Yes !!! 100% Polish .

I have a Filipino nanny/caregiver who I reckon I am paying over the odds for - salary + accomodation + food + flights home - cost me about STG38,000 per year - but she is away now, all my kids are sick, I run a business and I am going mad - can't do without her but would prefer to pay less. I have a friend who has a Polish au pair and gets on fine but I have to work full time and can't guarantee they won't get sick. Mine also does all the housework!

sugaralmond, how old are your kids? What do you mean by all of the housework? Does she dust? vacuum? cook? Pack lunches? Do the shopping?

Czesc Bolek i Lolek! Co slychac?

My evil nanny from hell was Filippina. I know you shouldn't generalise, and I do have a Filippina Ironing Fairy now, who is lovely, but I wouldn't employ one to look after my children again EVER. I think the scars will take a very long time to heal.

What happened TTT?

Uwila - most of it bar the shopping and cooking - the cooking isn't up to much but she does cook the kids lunches.

She did sod all, place was a tip - left lunch and tea stuff on the table plus paints for when I got home, gave the kids cold stew as she couldn't be bothered to heat it up, microwaved the fish fingers, told the kids to "get lost and stop bugging me" as she spent the whole day slumped on the sofa reading Hello magazine and watching daytime TV. I don't know what else she did, but the nursery told me that DD2 screamed and held onto her teacher's legs when X came to collect her. What else? Oh she got us to sponsor her husband to come for a 2 week visit, he stayed illegally, proved by the fact that she got pregnant and the dates didn't tie up with when she was supposed to be back in Manila on holiday (I may not be great at maths, but I can count to 9). It makes me so angry just to think of it, and we are still not rid of her, as she has to hand back her ID card and the Ministry of the Interior are chasing us for it. It also cost me 6 months salary to get shot of her, which we could barely afford (as we had to employ another nanny). Oh and her husband came round and tried to menace our new nanny, but made the mistake of coming round when I was at home. I'm sure there's more, how long have you got?!

Gosh TTT sounds awful. Must have taken a while to get over. Sounds serious about the id card - Hope you manage to get it sorted out. Hope everything is now going well for you.

Jeez TTT - I'm gobsmacked - sounds like something my last childminder would do and I have photos to prove it if she ever complained about us not treating her right - UUUUUUUUUUGgggggggggggggggggggHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!