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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Nursery - Terrible Treatment

52 replies

Locomotiveracer · 21/02/2023 20:00

So DD attended her third 'settling in' session at Nursery today. When I picked her up I could tell that she had been upset straight away. She was the only child there holding her blanket and I know she only screams for her blanket if she's tripped or trapped her finger in a toy or something at home but I took it to nursery and put it in a box just as a precautionary measure.

Her eyes looked bright red so she'd definitely been crying and she didn't look 'with it'

I asked if she had been told off and the one nursery worker said "yeah at dinner time" I asked why and another nursery worker chirped in full of attitude shouting "she wouldn't sit still to eat her dinner so she had been shouted at." At this point DD looked up and looked absolutely petrified. I asked to speak to the manager and had a meeting with the manager. I felt like my concerns were listened to but not sure whether the trust has completely gone, there's just no need to traumatise a child because they wouldn't sit in a chair, she obviously didn't want any dinner!

Not sure where to go from here, whether to pull her out or put it down to one incident and give them the benefit of the doubt. I just can't believe others would also stand by and let this happen, what an absolute bully!

OP posts:
MisschiefMaker · 21/02/2023 20:37

Upsidedownagain · 21/02/2023 20:16

Don't send her back. My dd aged 17 works in nurseries. She has experience of 4 different ones and walked out of a trial shift at one where staff shouted.

Good for her! Don't think I would have had the guts to do that at 17.

Easternext · 21/02/2023 20:40

I would lose my job or be given a warning if I shouted at the children no matter what it was for! Nursery's are usually pretty strict on things like this aswell, we have to avoid telling a child no also as its negative and would never be aloud to tell a child they are naughty.
If these staff have a awful attitude with you and openly say they shout at the children then their is no way my child would be returning.

Moonicorn · 21/02/2023 20:43

watchfulwishes · 21/02/2023 20:07

Being shouted at by strangers in a new setting would be very frightening for such a young child. I would be frightened if that happened to me and I'm an adult!

Show quote history

Frightened and traumatised aren’t the same thing

gemloving · 21/02/2023 20:52

Take her out. What? They shout at your child at a settling sessions. Goodbye to them.

Eatentoomanyroses · 21/02/2023 20:54

Shouting at a child during a settling in session is not acceptable at all.

bellamountain · 21/02/2023 20:59

I don't know why we call them nurseries here in the UK (nursery to me should be nurturing). They are day care centres.

I'd find a good childminder if you can. Someone who will text you during the day to update you on how your child is doing. It's a more natural environment for small children if they are there all day.

NY152 · 21/02/2023 21:00

Definitely no shouting or even I would say telling off at our nursery. It’s very much ‘no we don’t <insert behaviour>’ and then distract/remove from the situation . The fact they obviously think this is normal is pretty sad.

gallina · 21/02/2023 21:06

I'm about to send my two baby girls to nursery for the first time. We've never been apart and reading things like this terrifies me.

Can you find her a different nursery? Or a childminder. I'd be so angry if this happened

Velvetween · 21/02/2023 21:13

I imagine settling new children always adds a bit of stress to the day in a nursery. But it’s part of the job and if they can’t handle it without resorting to shouting at a new child, they aren’t getting it right. And you should remove your child. She deserves better.

fruitandfibreg · 21/02/2023 21:18

Wow. My child would absolutely not be going back and I'd be making a complaint. Shouting js horrible ESP on her first day by a stranger! Absolutely no excuse. Pull her!!

PatientlyWaiting21 · 21/02/2023 21:59

Moonicorn · 21/02/2023 20:02

I think ‘traumatised’ is a bit of an overreaction but they shouldn’t be shouting at the kids anyway, especially not for a non-violent incident and during a settling in session. I would change nursery.

Just fuck off with this one! I HATE being shouted at, it is traumatic, it’s worse for a child. There is never any need to shout at anyone, especially a child!

Moonicorn · 21/02/2023 22:02

Oh come on. It’s unpleasant, frightening and all the rest but traumatic? Not all feeling and reactions are equal/valid.

OP should remove her child who is probably shaken but will have forgotten all about it next month

Butterfly44 · 21/02/2023 22:22

Nope. I looked at 4 nurseries before deciding on one. A couple were downright awful, and spending time there was so sad. The one I chose unfortunately happened to be the most expensive but it was wonderfully caring and everyone was happy.

Snugglemonkey · 21/02/2023 22:41

PatientlyWaiting21 · 21/02/2023 21:59

Just fuck off with this one! I HATE being shouted at, it is traumatic, it’s worse for a child. There is never any need to shout at anyone, especially a child!

Show quote history

I totally agree.

WeWereInParis · 21/02/2023 22:49

How old is she? I'm only asking out of interest, the shouting because she wouldn't sit in her seat is unacceptable regardless.

I wouldn't read anything into her having her blanket though. I think giving a child their familiar blanket from home during a settling in session is probably not uncommon. Not that it matters really, since the shouting overrides any blanket issues anyway. I just wouldn't be surprised if you find another nursery where they give her her home blanket even if she's not screaming for it.

Ptemple · 21/02/2023 22:52

I couldn't leave her in a place where they're not kind or caring.

Rellywobble · 21/02/2023 23:01

As the mum of a toddler who’s child was shouted at and I didn’t twig for months I would definitely remove your child immediately and report to ofsted.
My son is now in his 20s and he can still remember this woman shouting at him …I still feel so guilty that I didn’t notice the signs and thought son was just being tricky.

Copperoliverbear · 21/02/2023 23:35

Take her out straight away, I've been a childminder for over 30 years, you don't shout at children

spiderlight · 21/02/2023 23:46

Please don't send her back there!

Gistbury · 21/02/2023 23:58

Pull her out straight away.my don had similar bad experiences at his first nursery and it really made him very anxious and unhappy. He was much happier at his new nursery.

DESGUSTING · 23/02/2023 13:05

Pull her out

Original poster
Locomotiveracer · 28/02/2023 09:36

Just an update so we pulled her out and didn't go back. We've been charged for the month of February so all the sessions she would've attended if the settling in session was successful. Not just that we pulled our 11 month old baby out of there also as they terrorised our three year old and have been charged for all the sessions the 11 month old would've attended.

They asked parents to pay the invoice before the settling in sessions, I've asked for a refund but no luck. Do I just suck it up or ask again? I find this quite unreasonable considering I haven't made any formal complaints and just took them out.

OP posts:
DESGUSTING · 28/02/2023 09:41

We paid a month in advance tbf, do you have the policy/contract to sign what you had?

VariantHela · 28/02/2023 11:10

Do you have any sort of contract?

Tinypetunia · 28/02/2023 11:18

This is not the right nursery for your daughter. Find a better one as soon as you can.

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