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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

The AP's Boyfriend!!!!

46 replies

ingles2 · 04/02/2008 11:43

Hasn't happened yet,...but it's coming and I want to be prepared!
AP has met a bloke on Facebook (!!!!!!!!)
He lives in London, 29, Irish.
She went to London last week to meet him for the 1st time.
He came to Kent this weekend and they met in Canterbury.
She's gonna ask if he can stay very soon I think, probably this weekend!
She's in the granny flat,... would you let him stay?

OP posts:
jura · 04/02/2008 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebumcleaner · 04/02/2008 11:56

I would say the same. Just say that you are not comfprtable that he will be so close to the children. If she gets stroppy could you offer some money towards a hotel? Sounds sleazy now that I have written it, but gets them off your doorstep lol.

ilovespring · 04/02/2008 12:00

NOT A CHANCE!

morningpaper · 04/02/2008 12:02

OK I don't have an au pair

But I don't see what the problem is

Am I thick

spokette · 04/02/2008 12:02

Nope!

spokette · 04/02/2008 12:03

I would not want a strange person (male or female) in my house or around my children.

crumpet · 04/02/2008 12:06

Will she be on duty when he comes? Is the granny flat separately accessed from the rest of the house?

If the answer is no and yes respectively, then, if you feel she is old/mature enough to be independent in her relationship (ie you are not in loco parentis to a v young AP), I in your position I would let her treat the granny flat as if she lived out, unless you don't like the look of him. Would have rules about her not inviting people into my home though if eg I ws away.

FioFio · 04/02/2008 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 12:13

Ok,... my dh doesn't think it's a problem. I do!
But only because he picked her up her on facebook with no introduction from a friend or anything. So, really she doesn't have a clue who he is. The granny flat is completely seperate so they don't have to come into contact with the kids and I think at some point he can stay but I guess I just want to make sure he's not a complete chancer. She's 24 but quite naive.

OP posts:
Squiffy · 04/02/2008 12:30

I think it's her life, TBH. All you can do really is let her cry on your shoulder when it all goes wrong... but I I do empathise with how unsettling it can be. My last live-in nanny had a really revolting BF and it turned my stomach when I saw him slouching off across the back garden on a Sunday afternoon. (I even re-activated the house alarm monitoring service, he looked so shifty... )

Now, if you're living near Canterbury, you may wish to discuss this over a stiff drink via this thread here

yogimum · 04/02/2008 12:47

I think she should be able to have a guy/girl stay over, doesn't mean they are at it. . I often had friends stay over in my nanny flat on my time off.

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 12:49

She has her AP girlfriends to stay over all the time Yogi,...
It's the strange bloke that worries me.... and she'll definitely be at it!

OP posts:
FioFio · 04/02/2008 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ShakeysGirl · 04/02/2008 12:52

If its seperate from the main house and he wont be around the children then i don't see a problem, the flat is her home and Shes entitled to a private life.

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 12:55

I do!!!!!! I can't help it!!!!!!
I know I'm talking to people i don't know on here, but is it not slightly different with a bloke in a sexual context.
I'm just a bit concerned as to why, a guy living in London, would approach a lovely, but not gorgeous, Eastern European AP in Kent on her Facebook page?

OP posts:
FioFio · 04/02/2008 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Anna8888 · 04/02/2008 12:57

Agree, you need to invite your AP and the boyfriend for lunch and suss him out before letting him stay.

Perfectly reasonable IMO and probably what the AP's parents would do too.

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 12:57

Fio PMSL..... We've got one of those at the bottom of the field!

OP posts:
madamez · 04/02/2008 12:59

She is old enough to have a sex life. And she is living in a granny flat with separate access, so it's not a matter of you and your DC having to encounter a stranger over the cornflakes in the morning, is it? So it's actually none of your business who she has to stay overnight.

Anna8888 · 04/02/2008 13:01

madamez - and what if said new boyfriend is totally unsuitable and an obvious criminal/child molester/other undesirable sort? Don't you think the OP has a responsibility towards herself and her children to check out who comes on her premises?

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 13:02

not sure about none of my business Madamez. It's still my house. I think if it was one of my dc's I'd think it was my business and as I treat AP like one of my dc's similar rules apply.

OP posts:
madamez · 04/02/2008 13:04

ANna: the girl is staying in a separate flat. THe OP can say she doesnlt want strangers in her own home when she;s not there, for instance, but policing the sex life of a 24 year old is excessive and unethical. And pretty patronizing as well: just because she's employing the girl doesn;t mean she has licence to meddle like this.

Anna8888 · 04/02/2008 13:05

The flat belongs to the OP and is on her premises? Then the OP has a responsibility to herself and her children to vet who comes in and out.

An au pair living on the premises doesn't have any automatic right to invite whomever she wishes home.

Original poster
ingles2 · 04/02/2008 13:09

Whooah there Madamez
I don't know if you have AP's but the deal is they are treated as part of the family. I take the respnsibility of having an AP very seriously and will try and protect them if I think they are making an error of judgement or any other sort of mistake.
I will also do what I can to protect my own family.
I'm not trying to police anyones sex life,.. but in a family environment, family rules apply regardless of whether she's in the granny flat or not!

OP posts:
Weegle · 04/02/2008 13:13

With the Granny flat I don't see it as a problem as long as it is accessed separately from your home and you are not expected to entertain.

I would feel differently if she had a room in your house. I like to know it's a serious relationship before any staying over as I don't want random people coming in and out of my home.

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