Paying Grandparents for part time childcare

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So, hypothetical question here as we aren't pregnant just preparing to TTC this coming year.

My mum has said a few times that she would give up work once she had her first grandchild (I'm an only child) to care for them about 3 days a week. She's in a well paid job she gets paid by the day but doesn't usually get work every day its random when she gets called (like bank nurses). She HATES working and always has, the field she works in is getting harder and harder to work in, and she wants out in the next few years before the stress makes her ill.

I couldn't afford to pay her 3 days a week of her usual wages (like 150-180 per day) as that's more than i get paid per week but couldn't afford nursery either. So me and DH would do compressed hours to get a day off each and DM would do the other 3 days which is what we have discussed so far. We wouldn't be considering TTC if my DM hadn't made this offer as we know it wouldn't be responsible as we couldn't afford it, so her doing this is making us having children actually possible. We would take a full year shared parental leave so DM would start caring when DC was 1.

What do you think is fair to pay a grandparent who cares for a grandchild 3 days a week and is voluntarily giving up a job to do so? My dad pays enough to cover their living expenses so what she earns is just fun money.

I was thinking when the time came to pay for all her petrol for the month so she can take DC anywhere she likes without being out of pocket and then cover all her own travel too, to do about £200 on supermarket reloadable card a month for the shop near her house (mostly for her own shopping but also just in case she ran out of something small for DC). Then maybe £100 cash for herself too? And then I'd cover things like soft play or baby groups she took DC to. We would provide all food and nappies etc and if DM came to care in our home (she said she'd do a mix of both ours and hers) we'd feed her too obvs.

What do you think is fair? Am I being a CF or planning on paying too little? I Darent TTC until I can definitely afford to pay for everything as finances stress me too much.

DMs current job is working with young children and those with SEN

I'm intrigued how she can be so well paid as working in this field is usually notoriously badly paid!

Anyway I would agree maybe to her doing a day or 2 days and use a childminder too (usually cheaper than nursery). Then you have a back up. A child minder might work out a similar amount tbh as they don't usually take them on days out.

You need to have a conversion with her about how much she wants to be paid and then decide if that works. Strangers on the internet can't work that out for you. It will probably be fine, plenty of us use grandparents for childcare, school runs etc. If anything had happened to our parents we would have worked something else out, but it was all fine. Can't believe people think 2 years nursery fees are needed in savings before having a child, most of us don't have that!

Don't forget minimum wage is more than hourly childcare from registered childcare in 90%or more of the country....before you take of the tax free 20% with many charging £5 or so an hour.

You said she’d be caring for them until school but The expensive bit is really only until they reach 3yrs. At 3 you will qualify for 30hours free childcare. Will your mum be ok only being paid for the extra 6 hours (if you even need that?)
also have you checked out all the info on the govt website around childcare? There are certain tax benefits for grandparents providing child care I think. Another thought is that it’s likely you’d qualify for the tax free childcare but that has to through an approved provider so it is possible you’d end up paying your DM more than you would a nursery….

How old are you OP ?

Nursery is a better option as If the GP’s are ill /want to go on holiday you’ve got to cover them.
If I’d offered to look after my grand children I wouldn’t want paying.

I'd strongly recommend not doing this. I did the same thing and it was a source of stress for years. DM wanted to retire early as hated her job. On the plus side, I didn't have to worry about being 5 mins late for pick up like you do with a nursery. The kids were happy. On the downside, DM started off asking for a relatively small financial contribution, but this increased rapidly until she felt she needed what I would otherwise be spending on a childminder. Given that I was a low earner at the time, a single parent and DM was also tutoring other children while mine were there (so mine didn't have her attention), it was stressful a lot of the time.

In the end I moved away from the area for work - I could have stayed there and commuted but tbh the fact that DM held so much over me in the form of childcare (which I had to be grateful for despite paying for it) was one of the main reasons I thought it better to move and deal with childcare on my own.

Grandmother here. I take care of my grandchildren whenever needed (holidays, vacation of daycare/school, sick child, datenight for parents etc.etc.) Never offered money and wouldn't accept it - but to be fair DH and I don't need it. We buy diapers etc. and provide food for our grandchildren when they are with us. One child often with us (lives same town), two children occasionally but for longer stretches (living abroad). I guess it's different for each and every family, but this is what works for us 😊

Just as another point I thought you had to be registered as a childminder to be paid for childcare so you might want to check what the threshold is.