Help me understand what to expect of our childminder!

[Littlewiseone]

Short summary for context:
DS (10 months) has been with childminder now since end of Oct and having regular settling in sessions ranging from 1 hour in the beginning and now we are up to 8 hour day twice per week. DS will go 4 full days from January.
When I first met with the CM in the summer at her home I got a great first impression - friendly, warm, experienced, lovely home and garden area.
Was delighted to have found cm as they are hard to come by in my area.

I looked through a folder of references, accreditations, and various other things that I now cant remember... But I think included a rough idea of what sort of activities they do. It was also mentioned that they spends loads of time in the garden.

Fast forward a few months and we are six weeks into DS being with the CM and he seems happy enough ie doesn't wail when I drop him off and seems well looked after. As it has been a number of months since we first met, I have more questions that have arisen since then that I feel are fairly common to want answered. However, I feel like I am being drip fed information about how my DS is getting on when I pick him up. Bear with me:

1. After 8 settling in sessions of only one hour after which the cm would take him out to me, I jumped on here to ask for advice on how to approach this as I was getting frustrated. I then contacted CM and asked politely if she could take him for longer next time and so on and that it was a little more difficult not being able to sit in with him at any point (nobody allowed in at any time to main area which is fine). She responded politely to say lets try longer next time but that if I wanted to go elsewhere she wouldn't be offended. I didnt want that I said, I just want to ramp it up a bit. I felt like I had to take the lead there and this caused me a lot of anxiety as I expected the cm to take the lead.
2. I asked how many children she looks after and she said "it varies from day to day". That was the end of the conversation - AIBU to want to know how many kids are there?
3. I know that DS has not spent any time outside all the times he has been there. This bothers me a lot.
4. The first few weeks I was always greeted by the cm with a happy smiling face, very happy to see us. In the past week or so its only her assistant (daughter) who comes to the door at drop off and pick up. There is no real feedback during the day except for the odd photo of DS and so I rely on having a chat at pick up however, its in the doorway/front door and I just feel like a burden standing there asking how he got on. They dont rush me, but arent forthcoming with much info. For the first month he stayed very close to the cm which is fair enough. Now he is down on the floor with the bigger kids. I am obsessing over what they do all day! And I cant seem to let it go. At the end of the day, my baby is not even 11 months old - AIBU to want to know about his development during the day and how his needs were met in that way? I feel like this cm is fairly vague and will answer questions, but wont be forthcoming themselves with extra information. There is no "platform" to share information on DS and how he got on, its a quick chat in the doorway and off.
5. I messaged the CM yesterday (after weeks of thinking too much about it) and asked if myself and my partner could pop round before xmas for 15/20 mins to discuss contracts, get copies of DBS checks for both, sickness policies etc AND to get a better understanding of what DS will do all day when he goes full time. CM responded no can do, very busy before xmas but could perhaps do a call first week of Jan. I tried to lock in a date but heard nothing back to that end. I am worried she thinks I am a pain but I feel entitled to ask questions. I know my limit and wouldnt be bothersome! I simply would like to know more about what my DS will do when he is there full time.
6. Today on pick up the CM's assistant greeted me again and the cm was in the background briefly and said hiya... but I could feel she was standoffish and not the usual super friendly cm she was. I dont feel I have done anything wrong here. I am super stressed and anxious about the whole thing.
7. Finally, I believe DS nappy was changed only once today. In 8 hours :(

In summary: I am bothered that I dont know more about what DS will do all day in CM setting - any CM's to advise what to expect from a CM's day roughly?

Thanks x

I've only known one person to work in a nursery. They were horrified to find that staff made the book up and had the children sleeping outside to make them nap longer, then lied about it. Just because a nursery keeps a book doesn't mean it's the truth!

This childminder doesn't sound like the right fit for you op. She doesn't sound like she needs to keep your business and she's not motivated to meet your needs, which are pretty reasonable requests. If it was me, I would worry that if baby wasn't happy or there were issues, I wouldn't necessarily be told because there's no clear line of communication. I would look for alternative care.

Most settings would not allow parents in at the drop of a hat ...it takes a staff member to shadow you for safeguarding which means someone is watching you ...even if it's from a distance ...rather than giving attention to their work....your also going to unsettle other children who may want their adults or be focused on you.
You see training records references etc on meeting a cm you don't need to keep looking at them. All staff have to have a current paediatric 12 hour first aid...the training is with the same companies.

The fact you want to hang around for 20 minutes is why most won't want parents in .....having seen parents sit down and make themselves at home at 6pm with no regard to the fact it's been an 11 hour day without a half hour lunch break I think that's totally reasonable....make an appointment ...the cm has agreed to one just not fixed a date yet....lots of things to sort before January.

Feedback for a 10 month old....they played with the treasure basket, crawled not yet standing, put toys in mouth...like tipping out, shaking, mirrors, enjoyed singing, clapped, chewed a book ...how many of those updates is it reasonable to expect....I know a parent wants every minute every detail but that's what babies do.

Normally a baby update is poohed or not, normal or not, normal wet nappies, ate ....normally it not ....X number of bottles, water, slept for x showed interest in .........getting better at ........tried for the first time.....how long does that take?

My childminder used to provide a book with a run-down of what he did and whether he'd slept/what he'd eaten. It wouldn't have occurred to me to want to know how many times she'd changed him unless there was something noteworthy about his poop. He's older now so I've told her not to worry about giving me such a detailed written run-down. I trust her and he can tell me himself. But YANBU at all to expect a basic description of what he's eaten, when he's slept and for how long and the main activities he's done.

Not taking them outside isn't good, I would be unhappy about that. My childminder takes them to the park, off on scavenger hunts, to the shops to buy baking ingredients or post letters etc. I'm full of admiration for her, I see her in the corner shop with a buggy and two toddlers on reins and she always looks so serene 😆

It sounds to me from your post that you don't trust her/feel totally comfortable and I can understand why. In your situation I think I would change settings if I could.

Do you provide the food and milk? If so most leave any uneaten food so you know what has been eaten....and the times are the current routine. Your normally told if anything outside of normal happens ...like didn't sleep for their usual time....otherwise your just repeating what everyone knows like today I left at 8 went to bus stop and got on the 98....you wouldn't tell someone that you both know the routine...so it's I left late, no buses today that is talked about.
Have you asked the cm if the assistant can give more information about new stuff, changes in what baby is doing and outings....although again if your told we go on a school run or to a library on Fridays is there a need to say that every day....or is it more likely you would be told of it not happening or special things? It's hard to leave your baby and natural to want to know every second and every detail but it's not normally possible unless you have a nanny or the use a setting that stays in a set ground or room

Sorry answering in bits ....you absolutely should have a copy of the contract and policies....although the requirement to have policies is limited to safeguarding, GDPR, ....most have many more.
You should have completed forms giving medical and residential information and permission forms.

Nappy only changed once in the day is not good.

Otherwise a 10 month old doesn't usually have much of a report day to day. I'm a CM. I'd note what times nappies were changed & if wet or soiled, times of naps & how well they'd eaten.

Aside from that meals & snacks, playing, reading, walk if the weather is good & other school pick ups take up most of the day. I don't send photos often at all, (though usually gather them all into an album & mail it at Christmas). We go to tots groups on the mornings where there's no nursery run. Do they get out in the pram when it's school pick-up? I do a lot of 'gardening', growing fruit & veg with my wee ones in better weather but difficult at this time of year.

I hope I have a good relationship with my parents. They all come in at pick up time, I say if dc have had a good day & any particular updates but it's often quite dull & there's not much to report.

Yes you should have either a booklet /diary or a wats app message stating the basics

What time they had any milk and meals

If did a week or poo

Sleep what time and how long

Rough guide to day - M&T am. Building blocks pm

Not sure how you "tell for sure" a baby has not been out in the garden ; he was 8 months old when he started and its winter. The only safe way he could be put outside at this time of year would be in a pram or pushchair ? How would you know?

If you think she's leaving him in the same nappy, when you put it on in the morning, write the time inside.

You can surely check her LA registration to see how many children she's licensed for.

assuming if the cm dd is there she is helping .registered S an Assistant so can have 6 under 5 and 12 under 8

I’m a bit confused as to why you need to sort out contracts and see policies….was this not done/ discussed before your child started attending?Are you paying with no contract in place? Childminders don’t actually have to have any written policies other than safeguarding and complaints but it makes sense to have a few so everyone knows ‘the rules’ and expectations from both sides, did you not have this conversation before leaving your child there? In a similar vein did you not discuss how she would share info about your child’s day with you?
I don’t expect she could have done much in the hour settling in but I would expect a simple run down of the longer days re bottles, food, nappies, sleep, activities, handover can be a busy time as it takes someone away from the other children but it shouldn’t be too much to get a quick message/ diary via a childcare app or WhatsApp etc.
You are not entitled to have copies of someone’s DBS, that is their own personal
document with info that shouldn’t be shared apart from with an employer in a larger setting, by all means check out her registration on the Ofsted website but they will have done all the necessary checks before registering her. I’m not sure why she won’t tell you how many children are there but it’s common practice to not let adults into the setting/ home for safeguarding reasons whilst other children are in attendance.
In a nutshell I think you should have had a few more conversations with this lady before leaving your child with her so you would fully understand how she works. Hopefully you can arrange the meeting with her and get a bit more clarification, what she says is true, this is a very busy time of year for everyone but if you are already having trust issues then you might be better off finding another setting. If you decide to find someone else please ask all these questions before arranging for your child to start as it does sound as if you’ve slightly got off on the wrong foot with this one. Hope you get things sorted.

It isn't unusual. Ds childminder was the same. I decided to let it go as he was happy enough. I think the only thing I would want to know is how many other kids she has. If she has too many your child won't get the home from home experience which is the real benefit of a childminder. In a nursery you will get all the feedback you are wanting but you will also maybe get a tired kid who is looked after by several different people. I think kids also tend to get lots of colds etc at nursery.