Help me understand what to expect of our childminder!

[Littlewiseone]

Short summary for context:
DS (10 months) has been with childminder now since end of Oct and having regular settling in sessions ranging from 1 hour in the beginning and now we are up to 8 hour day twice per week. DS will go 4 full days from January.
When I first met with the CM in the summer at her home I got a great first impression - friendly, warm, experienced, lovely home and garden area.
Was delighted to have found cm as they are hard to come by in my area.

I looked through a folder of references, accreditations, and various other things that I now cant remember... But I think included a rough idea of what sort of activities they do. It was also mentioned that they spends loads of time in the garden.

Fast forward a few months and we are six weeks into DS being with the CM and he seems happy enough ie doesn't wail when I drop him off and seems well looked after. As it has been a number of months since we first met, I have more questions that have arisen since then that I feel are fairly common to want answered. However, I feel like I am being drip fed information about how my DS is getting on when I pick him up. Bear with me:

1. After 8 settling in sessions of only one hour after which the cm would take him out to me, I jumped on here to ask for advice on how to approach this as I was getting frustrated. I then contacted CM and asked politely if she could take him for longer next time and so on and that it was a little more difficult not being able to sit in with him at any point (nobody allowed in at any time to main area which is fine). She responded politely to say lets try longer next time but that if I wanted to go elsewhere she wouldn't be offended. I didnt want that I said, I just want to ramp it up a bit. I felt like I had to take the lead there and this caused me a lot of anxiety as I expected the cm to take the lead.
2. I asked how many children she looks after and she said "it varies from day to day". That was the end of the conversation - AIBU to want to know how many kids are there?
3. I know that DS has not spent any time outside all the times he has been there. This bothers me a lot.
4. The first few weeks I was always greeted by the cm with a happy smiling face, very happy to see us. In the past week or so its only her assistant (daughter) who comes to the door at drop off and pick up. There is no real feedback during the day except for the odd photo of DS and so I rely on having a chat at pick up however, its in the doorway/front door and I just feel like a burden standing there asking how he got on. They dont rush me, but arent forthcoming with much info. For the first month he stayed very close to the cm which is fair enough. Now he is down on the floor with the bigger kids. I am obsessing over what they do all day! And I cant seem to let it go. At the end of the day, my baby is not even 11 months old - AIBU to want to know about his development during the day and how his needs were met in that way? I feel like this cm is fairly vague and will answer questions, but wont be forthcoming themselves with extra information. There is no "platform" to share information on DS and how he got on, its a quick chat in the doorway and off.
5. I messaged the CM yesterday (after weeks of thinking too much about it) and asked if myself and my partner could pop round before xmas for 15/20 mins to discuss contracts, get copies of DBS checks for both, sickness policies etc AND to get a better understanding of what DS will do all day when he goes full time. CM responded no can do, very busy before xmas but could perhaps do a call first week of Jan. I tried to lock in a date but heard nothing back to that end. I am worried she thinks I am a pain but I feel entitled to ask questions. I know my limit and wouldnt be bothersome! I simply would like to know more about what my DS will do when he is there full time.
6. Today on pick up the CM's assistant greeted me again and the cm was in the background briefly and said hiya... but I could feel she was standoffish and not the usual super friendly cm she was. I dont feel I have done anything wrong here. I am super stressed and anxious about the whole thing.
7. Finally, I believe DS nappy was changed only once today. In 8 hours :(

In summary: I am bothered that I dont know more about what DS will do all day in CM setting - any CM's to advise what to expect from a CM's day roughly?

Thanks x

Whether nursery or childminder, I would expect a run down of what was eaten and sleep times. That’s the absolute minimum I’d expect, to be honest.

Childminders with assistants are different I think, bigger settings, more children etc.

But, my childminder is quite busy at pick up time with only 3 children, so I wouldn't expect a full run down. It's just anomaly reporting really of anything hasn't gone well.

Maybe you'd be better in a nursery setting if you prefer a more structured approach to feedback etc.

Sounds like nursery would be ideal but I don't think you are being unreasonable at all

Your requests or expectations don't sound unreasonable. Get the meeting locked in for January and come with specific questions.

There may be things she doesn't do now (better handover) which she is prepared to change and other things she's not prepared to change (eg - if she doesn't take the children out, that's probably her 'style.') Then you can take a view if shes the right CM for you.

Maybe sign up to some nursery waiting lists now in case you do need it.

And to answer what to expect
Proper policies - signed by you
A handover of what they've done / eaten / slept
Age appropriate activities / toys
Nos of children attending
A friendly - or at least professional- welcome should be a given

Can you somehow find another parent that uses her to find out if they get more info or how to get the best from her?

They sound horrendous. I would be looking elsewhere and quickly.

My dc went to nursery for the reasons you've explained. It was a professional establishment and we had no issues.

Thank you. I have contacted a nursery locally but the wait lists are 8 months to a year.... They are also quite expensive which is why we went for a childminder. However, I'm going to have to look elsewhere just in case. Xx

I actually have befriended another Mum only via Facebook. We have chatted loads, she loves her! Trouble is, I don't want to seem like I'm just using her to compare notes! I am a fairly assertive person in so many ways but this childminding malarkey I find very very difficult in terms of managing relationships.

I'd expect nap times/nappy change times and whether dirty or wet/what he had to eat at what times.

We've used a nursery since DS was 11 months and got a written slip at pickup detailing all of this and a sentence or two about something he particularly enjoyed playing with that day. Staff busy but always happy to chat. I didn't get a full rundown of what happened throughout the whole 10 hours he was there but would definitely expect the key points to be communicated!

Thank you. This is a good idea - we need her as I go back to work full time next week. And she is really nice! It's not a personal thing as such. X

I can’t get over the idea of them not going outside! That so important for them - even in bad weather a trip to a library or whatever is a great change of scene. The kids must be getting bored, and presumably the CM is too which will never lead to great interactions.

Only things I would say no to are the coming in (I'm caring for other children I can't manage a parent coming in too) and the copies of DBS (Ofsted have those and they have registered cm based on the results, you don't get a copy. Look her registration up online if needed).

I use an app to share everything, I'll admit I can't remember once it comes to hometown who has pooed and who didn't eat all their lunch.

And we go out every day, the day drags if you don't!

Hi, I'm an ex-cm and what you're asking isn't unreasonable. I would explain to her that you're feeling anxious about it all which will let her know why you're feeling like this and might get her to open up more.
To be honest, at 10 months they are into everything for 5 mins each thing (rather than a long activity he's going to enjoy, which will come as he gets older) and with other children there too it's a lot of sleeping, eating and nappy changes as the main events at that age. Some cms will have noted what toys/activities they had out that day for example, and yes usually includes at least a outdoor walk (difficult to impossible for them to crawl outside in this weather, depending on how their outside space is set up!)
But at the minimum you need to know sleep times. It's best practice to have a book that goes back and forth to home if they haven't got an online platform; perhaps they will start this once he begins full time.
However you don't really get all the information on his day that you might want, I felt the same, even when I got a good run down! You might have to make peace with that if DS otherwise seems happy, settled and well looked after

I don’t really think any of your expectations are unreasonable and with an 11 month old are the minimum I’d expect. The only exception would be about you coming to the settling in sessions which I don’t think is usual practice anyway.

Thank you....this is really reassuring to read. (Am I responding to the right person here, Mumsnet is a bit tricky!!)
I think until I have a proper chat with her before full time start, I need to get the following info minimum:

Bottles and food
Nappy changes - how many and if wet and dirty
Nap times and for how long

Thanks again. X

I think I answered your post below. I'm new to Mumsnet! X

Do you need to know the nappy information? Just not sure how that would help. I would just be checking they came home in a fresh ish nappy and weren't sore

The last few weeks has been awful weather - I'm not surprised she hasn't taken a 10 month old out in the cold and wet.
Is he walking yet? There's not much for a crawler/shuffler to do outside without one to one input.

For babies I think it would be something like walking to a library or feeding ducks from the buggy?

If she has a few children it probably isn't feasible to take them all to the park though. How many pushchairs and reins can one or two people manage?

I need to get the following info minimum:

Bottles and food
Nappy changes - how many and if wet and dirty
Nap times and for how long

It is going to be really hard for the CM to give you definitive answers to any of those things. How is she supposed to know a month from now exactly how many nappy changes your ds will need each day, or exactly what she’s going to be doing each day.

I would think of a childminder as being a more informal service than you seem to want, just with the added bonus that they are expected to help children meet the early learning goals.

I was a childminder for a few years and for older kids I did a verbal handover, what we did after school , play park, trip to the river to feed ducks (if I never see another duck in my life, it'll be too soon), what was for tea, homework etc. For babies - exercise book page per day of the day's activities, nap times, nappies, lunch, tea, visit to my kids' school assembly etc. Parent could do a note in the book for the next day of poor sleep, slightly grizzly etc as well as a quick chat at handover. Its really a home from home. Good communication essential!

She's not asking her to predict the future! She wants a run down of what's happened each day when she collects him.