50 / 50 shared parenting. Why does mom get all the childcare benefits?

[Lusciously]

A male friend of mine has split from his girlfriend 6 months ago. They have a 1 year old child together. Mom stayed in the house whilst dad carried on paying half. Dad picks up 1 year old midday Sunday and then drops her to mom's about 6:30pm on Wednesdays. They live in different counties (as he had to move in with his sister) and both work full time. Child goes to two different nurseries. Dad pays childcare Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday and Mom pays Thursday and Friday. Mom claims child benefit and gets tax-free childcare. Dad can't get any financial help and is struggling with the cost of childcare, cost of petrol, paying half rent on the house mom is living in and paying sister rent. He wants to get his own place but he is struggling to save anything. Why is mom able to get all the child benefit and tax-free childcare, but, dad can't get anything?Is there any financial help he can get?

What are their respective incomes?

Why is he paying rent on her house if he doesn't like there?

Has he spoken to her about all this? that would be first place to start. As they could share out the various things. Child benefit, tax free care etc..

Why can't the dad get tax-free childcare?

Benefits are income related, not sex related.

Only allowed one tax-free childcare account per child and mom set it up before they split so he doesn't have access

I don't honestly know he is a Manager and she is in a senior position in a medical profession.

Not sure she was just a girlfriend if they lived together and had kids . It was much more than that. Why is he paying towards the home. I think there is more to this than you know

Are you romantically interested or involved with this man?

He agreed to keep paying half when he left as she was working part-time but now works full time. Last time he mentioned that he would need to reduce down what he is paying. She refused to let him see their child together and nothing he could do about unless went through the courts. So too scared to rock the boat and mom do that again

Where will the child go to school? They can't have two separate schools.

You can't share benefits. That's a rule for all benefits rather than mum automatically getting them every time. It means that there's a lot of kids who stay with a parent in overcrowded conditions because one parent gets help with housing. People with 2 kids can at least agree to claim for one child each if they are amicable (which is a big if)
Clearly the problem is him paying half the mum's rent? When he stops paying that it will probably be more than child benefit etc anyway

So he needs legal advise obviously. He's not going to solve anything otherwise.

It’s never exactly how they describe it. Be cautious with your heart and don’t get involved in his relationship with the mother of his child.

*advice

No, just a work colleague. I am happily married just feel very sorry for him. He looks so down beaten by it all. He left the mom because he didn't love her, he stupidly got her pregnant when they wasn't even together. They got a place together to try and make it work for their child but it just didn't work out.

I'm sure there's more to this than he's telling you. Didn't love her but liked her enough to have sex and produce a child.

Child has only just turned one but obviously something they will need to think about in the future

The system doesn't cater very well for 50:50 parenting. On the other hand, he isn't expected to pay anything at all to the mother as maintenance. If he stopped that, he would have more money.

A Child Arrangement Order costs £210 plus mediation. He wouldn't need a solicitor and it's best to nail down arrangements now than after more damage has been done to the child and they don't want to come. Courts believe that seeing both parents is in the interests of the child and having an order means that he will be treated as an equal parent and entitled to medical records, school reports etc

The legal process is slow so he should start the process before damage is done to his relationship with the child.

There's quite a lot missing in this tale op.

For example, you say he's paying half the house...why? Is it because they own it together and it's half his asset for example? So, actually it's in his own interest too (even if not as much as hers). Or is he purely paying her rent? And if so, why?

Thank you for the advice. This sounds like the route he will need to take. He can't afford a solicitor.

How does her stopping him seeing the child work when they are 50/50? She works full time and only has a nursery place Thursday/ Friday. I suspect if he called her bluff she’d cave in pretty quick once she had no child care.

As half payments on a house will cost way more than a solicitor, I would suggest he can't afford not to see a solicitor.