Nanny time off for her DS

[annoyedatotherparents]

Hi,
Opinions please as I can't work out if IABU or she is!
We've had a nanny for three years and we're very fond of her. We're also pretty good employers - have given two unasked-for pay rises in that time, give her lots of extra time off, never turn up late or expect her to do anything over and above her contract etc. In return she is a really good nanny for us - kind with the three DC and very conscientious.
The issue has come recently since her son started reception. She is obsessed with not missing anything the school put on for parents and keeps asking for time off at short notice to attend things. I have tried to accommodate wherever I can but the things she is insistent on attending are (to my mind) not that important - eg we've given her time off for her son's Nativity, but she now wants time off for a craft afternoon the school are putting on as well and some kind of singing thing (not a carol concert as we've also agreed to that one!)
I've tried to point out that as a working parent there will always be things she (and I) can't make - you have to prioritise and accept that there will always be tradeoffs. But she has effectively said that if we don't agree to give her time off for these things she will have to call in sick, or leave.
I want to sort this as I understand it's important to her to be present for her son, but I also have a pretty busy job and three children myself that I'm trying to juggle so it's becoming very stressful. Would love to hear how other people who have nannies with their own DC navigate this?

I really wouldn't write anything derogatory about your existing nanny in any reference. It's entirely standard nowadays for 'references' simply to confirm the start and end dates of employment.

There is no come back to anything said in a reference even where the experience is very different which for subsequent employers. Even the wording of any glowing reference is just as likely to be agreed as part of a pay off / settlement so unlikely to mean anything.

I’d be looking into how to remove in accordance with the law. In any future reference it is not derogatory to say why an employee had their contract terminated.

7 weeks leave is above the legal requirements (which is 5.6 including bank holidays) and in the case of nanny contracts it is usual that you choose half and she chooses half to avoid 7 weeks of her choice stretching to 9 if you decide to take a holiday at another time. If you take more holidays than she is contracted for, you can require her to work.

Revisit your contract, reiterate that she is required to be at work when not on preagreed holidays and that the flexibility that you were offering was at your discretion and is no longer working for you.

I would be tempted to talk to ACAS, look at the terms of misconduct in your contract and consider making this formal, citing the threat of using sick leave or resigning as misconduct and unacceptable behaviour, in full knowledge that things may escalate from there and that it may hasten the end of the relationship. As she has been with you more than 2 years, you will have to follow formal procedures.

Maybe have all of this as a back up, in case the initial discussion does not go well... if you are not willing to agree to the terms of your employment contract I will have to make this a formal warning.

There is no pay off / settlement required if employee is refusing to do her contractual duties.

So what happened @annoyedatotherparents

rhis is the last week of school for most

so did nanny call in sick and attended her sons stuff

For school events it needs to be either annual leave or unpaid leave. Or time must be made up.

I think she probably needs a more flexible job. I managed a teacher who was like this. She was given time off (which I covered) but then kept asking for more time to see her children. It was getting ridiculous. She hadn’t worked in another school before and didn’t realise that I was already being pretty reasonable by giving her paid time off for nativity and sports days. In the end I had to put my foot down, but she felt incredibly hard done by - resigned and said she’d be snapped up by another school. To my knowledge she didn’t get another teaching job.