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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

One off childcare for 3 week old- advice needed

41 replies

busymamaof2 · 15/06/2022 08:51

So I'm due to have DC3 this week. Still no sign.

I am self employed and have a super important (annual) work evening event on in late July in the evening in London, which is a fairly long distance from my home. The event has been cancelled for the last 3 years (Covid) so it is a big thing this year and it would mean that I get to see all of my network in one place on one evening, as opposed to doing multiple trips to London in the autumn for one off coffees, lunches etc.

So it will be painful and intense with a potential 3-4 week old to manage but short term pain, longer term gain and all that.

I have 2 young children already- 4yo and 2yo. The original plan was for my parents to have the existing two kids for the night for a sleepover and my husband would either travel with me to London to mind the baby whilst I was at the event or he'd stay at home with baby and I'd be back the following day late morning.

I plan to combination feed, so part breast feeding. Would need to take a pump etc.

My parents have just booked their first holiday in 4 years which clashes with this event which means I need a Plan B to get myself to this event.

At the moment the best solution seems to be for DH to stay at home with the 2 and 4 yo and for me to travel with baby in tow, but to arrange a nanny/maternity nurse from say 6-10pm on the evening of the event. I'm worried about that, leaving a newborn with someone I've never met.

Does anyone have any alternative suggestions!?

Please no judging, for me I feel this event is essential and I kill several birds with one stone in one evening, then making for an easier few months of maternity leave....

OP posts:

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DropYourSword · 15/06/2022 08:52

DH stay at home with all 3 kids makes the most sense to me.

rainbowandglitter · 15/06/2022 08:53

DropYourSword · 15/06/2022 08:52

DH stay at home with all 3 kids makes the most sense to me.

Op breastfeeds so that wouldn't work.

HDready · 15/06/2022 08:56

rainbowandglitter · 15/06/2022 08:53

Op breastfeeds so that wouldn't work.

Show quote history

OP says combination feeding so it would work

Amei · 15/06/2022 08:56

Might be a massive hassle but could you not take all 3 kids for a night away and leave DP with all 3 for 4 hours? X

Original poster

busymamaof2 · 15/06/2022 09:00

Amei · 15/06/2022 08:56

Might be a massive hassle but could you not take all 3 kids for a night away and leave DP with all 3 for 4 hours? X

Considered this and maybe doing a London activity the next day, but the thought of taking all 3 on a train for 3 hours makes the whole thing tenfold more stressful.

I'm kinda thinking the only option is really for DH to stay home with all 3 children....
He is really reluctant about this, doesn't want to take the time off work as has v limited holidays but he is going to have to support me through it!

OP posts:

DropYourSword · 15/06/2022 09:02

rainbowandglitter · 15/06/2022 08:53

Op breastfeeds so that wouldn't work.

Show quote history

She says in her original plan that she could leave baby home with DH and return the next morning. @

Can't see why that can't still happen, even if he now has the older 2 as well.

DropYourSword · 15/06/2022 09:04

He is really reluctant about this, doesn't want to take the time off work as has v limited holidays

He'd have to take the same amount of time off if you all went together though.

It sounds in reality that it's more the hard work of looking after his own 3 kids by himself for one night than concerns about annual leave that's making him reluctant.

senua · 15/06/2022 09:09

I am self employed and have a super important (annual) work evening event on in late July in the evening in London, which is a fairly long distance from my home ... it would mean that I get to see all of my network in one place on one evening, as opposed to doing multiple trips to London in the autumn for one off coffees, lunches etc.
Your problem is bigger than this one trip. Is this sort of work/life balance - with customers and contacts so far away - sustainable?

SerendipitySunshine · 15/06/2022 09:14

Is taking the baby with you an option?

britneyisfree · 15/06/2022 09:17

Book an air bnb close by for everyone. That way you can pop back for baby quickly if needed.

TakeMeToYourLiar · 15/06/2022 09:18

What about getting a nanny or postnatal doula to stay at home and help DH with all 3 kids?

MollyRover · 15/06/2022 09:19

@senua it's once a year, what's unsustainable about that??

Husband having all 3 sounds like the best plan, maybe you travel with the baby earlier and he travels with the older children to meet you later? I understand holidays are precious but try and make the most of it with activities the next day and it won't be a waste. Best of luck with the event and hope it's a success for you

AnneElliott · 15/06/2022 09:20

I think your DH should stay at home with all of them. I'm assuming you will have to look after all 3 on your own sometimes?

Why does his leave make a difference? Surely he has to take leave whether he's got all 3 or just one with him?

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 15/06/2022 09:23

Personally I'd miss the event and let go of the stress.
If you you can't bear to miss it then either DH at home with all kids or you all go together.
Whatever you decide good luck with baby 3!

GlitteryGreen · 15/06/2022 09:25

I'd definitely be leaving all 3 with your husband, let's face it, it's one night and I'm sure he wouldn't think twice about leaving them with you.

As others have said, surely he needs to take the same leave to look after the other 2 anyway?

I wouldn't put them all on the train for 3 hours if you think it will be hassle just so your husband has an easier time of it for this one-off occasion.

Geranium1984 · 15/06/2022 09:27

I'd try and sort some sort of maternity nurse/nanny to either stay at home with your husband and help your husband with 3 kids or come with you to London.
Could you go through and agency for this?

Or do you have a regular babysitter who could help your husband with the older 2 kids at home and he focuses on baby?

britneyisfree · 15/06/2022 09:31

I don't get why people always insist newborns should be left with their dad as the dad would do the same.

The newborn hasn't just spent the last nine months curled into its mother. Separation time should be kept to an absolute minimum for the first 6 weeks. This is basic. Seriously shoddy advice telling you to fuck off for two days and leave the baby.
It's not about him and whether he's up to it or not, it's about is it best for the baby.
Simply put no it's not.

Obviously you have to go to the event but try and pick the option that means the least possible amount of separation from the newborn.

I think booking the whole family into a local air bnb is best. No way would I be away from a 3 week old for more than a few hours.

Caveat - I'm the type that wouldn't leave my one year old 6 month old either so take my advice with a pinch of salt

Sodthatforagameofsoldiers · 15/06/2022 09:33

We used sitters.com in a similar situation, we needed 4 hours of childcare in a city away from home where we didnt know anyone. Baby was slightly older but not that much. It worked very well, the sitter was absolutely lovely and baby was completely fine. We got a hotel as close to the venue as we could.

Sometimes hotels have babysitters too, can you check if there's a hotel with recommended baby-sitters?

It's not ideal to leave your precious newborn with someone you don't know but it's only a few hours. At 3 weeks old the baby will feed, sleep, have a wee walk in the pram perhaps, sleep some more.

Needmorelego · 15/06/2022 09:36

Is it's a formal event? If not I would just take baby with you. Unless you are unlucky today have a crier (fingers crossed you won't) at 3 weeks it's eat, sleep, poo. If you have baby in a sling or with you in a pram he/she will probably sleep happily through the whole thing.

Needmorelego · 15/06/2022 09:36

"to have a crier" not today..

MamaSass · 15/06/2022 09:38

Option 1 would be to leave all three with your husband and leave some pumped milk in the fridge.

Option 2 if there are no friends and family about that could come over for part of the day to break it up a bit, I think a postnatal doula would be a good call. They would be there to look after the baby and support your husband. Maybe get them over once or twice before so you’re happy.

Don’t listen to the judgers. As a self employed person too I get that you have to be available for some stuff no matter what.

senua · 15/06/2022 09:42

@senua it's once a year, what's unsustainable about that??
She said the alternative was "doing multiple trips to London in the autumn for one off coffees, lunches etc." Having your contacts three hours away is not ideal.

Also, is contact in July important this year? How much work will OP be doing post-partum?

Sodthatforagameofsoldiers · 15/06/2022 09:44

The OP has said London is quite a long way from her home. This would be the issue for me, I would personally rather leave my baby with a babysitter close to where I am than be physically a few hours travel away.

Could you contact sitters.com (or similar) and ask them to provide a babysitter at the event (if there were facilities for that?) If there's no prospect of the baby being looked after at the event itself I'd choose a nearby hotel.

Needmorelego · 15/06/2022 09:54

@busymamaof2 do you work by yourself or do have someone who could go in your place?
Baby might decide to be born late and might only be a week old.
I think an important plan B would be who could go instead of you? Or represent you?

Yodaisawally · 15/06/2022 09:57

Why does the husband need help with the kids? I'm guessing OP doesn't hire in a nanny when she has them home alone?!

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