Nursery or nanny

[Sassa]

Are we holding our children back in terms of social skills if we have a nanny instead of sending them to nursery? Is nanny plus playscheme a good compromise?

No.

Or at least, I hope not. I've gone for nanny plus nursery one (and maybe two) afternoons per week, and am angsting about it (see other thread). Looking back, I was with my mum, with the occasional play group and nursery aged 4 and a half, and seem to have turned out more or less OK (I think).

lots of my friends have had problems with nannies so their children have had a lot of them before the age of say 3. we chose nursery and the staff turnover there was pretty low, and as it was a small, friendly setup it suited us.

As a nanny, Im trained to ensure the charges to get social skills, from playgroups, nursery, parks, toddler groups, playcentres, playdates... its how we full the days! But I would always prefer a child to have some time with others without nanny/mum/carer such as 1/2 afternoons in nursery etc, having worked in nurseries a long time ~I do know that it helps social skills and essential stuff for school eg queing, tidy-up time etc

No, you won't be holding your children back if you have a nanny - though you will need to insure that you get the right nanny, as you won't want a nanny who stays at home all day - you will want a nanny who goes out and about, meeting up with other carers who have children of similar ages. As a nanny, I meet up with some local childminders - some of the children have now know each other for over 2 years. We go walking as a group regularly - the 3 & 4 year olds love this, especially this time of year when they wear they wellies and get some freedom to walk ahead (it's a route they know very well, not near any roads) and they play games and chat amongst themselves as they walk.

Not sure what you mean by playscheme - I'm in England and to me a playscheme is a group which runs during school holidays, providing care for school aged children, where the children have fun playing and doing arts/crafts.
For younger children (2.5-5yrs) we have pre-schools (formally called playgroups) which are 'learning through play' and run for a couple of hours, often in the morning.

I nannied for a family where their 3 year old went to pre-school 3 mornings per week. This worked well, as he got some time to be away from me and thus to become more independent. I also got a couple of hours to sort the house out.

So a combination of nanny and pre-school could work well... though having just a nanny also works well. Pre-school sessions in England are subsidised from the term following a child's 3rd birthday, thus why some parents will choose to send their child to pre-school for a few hours a week. It should be noted that during these hours, the nanny is still being paid - as the nanny is the emergency contact, plus will be able to get on with some household duties at home, or be caring for younger children.

No dont think nanny hinders child but imo nursery offers more children and staff to interact with, stimulation, chance to bond with a cohort, learn social/developmental skills eg eating socially, constructive playing etc

You will NOT hold them back by having a nanny!

Having seen some awful things in nursarys there is NO WAY i would EVER send a baby / toddler to one, nor would my nanny friends, and even nor would a very good friend who works at one of the "best" nursarys!

yep but there are many shocking nanies too, 3 mums at my nursery came home early to find
1 nanny watching TV
1 nanny screwing boyfriend in their bed
1 nanny shopping on ebay

whilst wee ones ignored/neglected...needless to say they enrolled nursery asap

so we can all swop bad daycare bad nursery stories all day

have to say im sure there are a LOT more bad nursary stories than bad nanny stories

and also a LOT more bad nanny employers than bad nannies.

My boss came home today to find me watching TV (baby asleep) he couldnt care less. Also yesturday, not the day before as i went to a nanny friends for lunch so was watching erh TV, but her boss came in and he couldnt care less either!

has also come home to find me on ebay and even on HERE again he couldnt care less.... have my own login on there computer, and laptop and also unlimited internet access through the Wii....

and DB and I have shut ourselves in the lounge (the children cant open the door) so they dont come in while we play on the Wii

you can not be sure, purely anecdotal actually.and as a nanny well you would say That wouldn't you

not necessarily....

i would willingly leave my own children with all but on of the nannies i have ever met.... so that would be 98 - 99% of nannies I would willingly leave my children with.... for hours / days at a time and not worry at all

The other nanny i would use in an emergancy, but wouldnt choose her to care for my child on a long term basis

in terms of nursary nurses.... i would say i have come across a similar amount of people, and would let probably 70% care for my own child, and some i would NOT let look after my child for even a minute...

not after having seen how they have treated children they are looking after

Dont know personally so many childminders but i have never yet come across a childminder who i wouldnt leave my own child with either

NannyL - thats why i send my Ds to nursery!!! There are always other staff around to make sure the person who is supposed to be caring for him doesnt sit watching tv or lock the door and play the wii instead!

why shouldnt i watch TV? when little one is asleep?

and DB likes playing on the Wii.... the chidlren are safe and happy, whats the problem?

problem is the nanny is faffing about on internet or wii!!!!i use nursery for the reason staff cant faff about on wii, internet.

ok

so u dont have a problem with:

deliciouse home made nutritiouse dinner in oven on timer ready for dinner
and pudding all prepared
and every single bit of laundry washed and ironed
and play room immaculate
and kitchen immaculate
and charge asleep

and me watching TV for an hour or so

(and i sky+ stuff on the channels i dont have just so i can watch them when having time to myself... obviosly nursary staff get breaks but i work 11 hours wuith NO BREAK)

nurseries provide a structured day, many staff to interact with, many other cohort. nursery has career progression eg baby room manager, mananger. staff supervision and training. Nannies dont get this

Oh and statistics. yes statistics and damn laies. thing is your 98% - 99% nanniesi would willingly leave my own child with all but on of the nannies i have ever met.... so that would be 98 - 99% of nannies and 7% naursey nureses, that is your anecdotal opinion

100% of the time my baby is at nursery im happy
98-99% of the time relaxing music is available
70% of the time wee un likes the food

ok... we dont get acareer progression

BUT I do provide a structured day
have many people (adults and children) to intereact with (i never spend all day at home)

I have a big circle of nanny friends and i see other nannies and charges almost every day!

and instead of doing stuff in the same room / garden, we go here there and everywhere and have a lovely time

nannyL, are you a live-in nanny? What is DB - boyfriend?

im a daily nanny (live round the corner)

DB = Daddy boss... the chilrens father

tee hee court adjourned. this thread is funny. So I know how ScottishMommy and NannyL feel, anyone else wish to give an opinion and make it easier for me as both ladies are giving pretty good argument?

oh im offsky anyways

thanks for your input Scottish Mummy!

Personally I prefer a nanny for very young children, and I also value the control I can retain over what my children are doing during the day. I think some young children can be over-stimulated by a nursery. Nannied children can get social skills from play groups, play dates and their siblings/cousins if they have them, as well as their parents and - oh yes - their nanny.

Whether you leave children with one nanny or a collection of staff at a nursery, you will still need to trust the people. You can build up trust in your nanny before s/he starts by speaking personally to referees, as well as the job interview process.

I have to say I would NEVER take my child and leave them at a nursery. If I had to leave them a nanny would be my choice.

I have worked in a few nurseries and boy, there are some bad ones out there.

It's also in your own home where your child feels safe, you can monitor the nanny if you want to go to extremes and you can see that a nanny has your child (or should do) as their priority. At a nursery I have known many to have too many kids to staff nearly all the time, been too busy chatting about how p*ed up they've been the night before with other staff and making fun of kids there Personally, I wouldn't want to run the risk of leaving my young impressionable child somewhere like this...

I know some nannies aren't angels but in your OWN home it is more 'police-able'.

I have used both nursery and a nanny as well as a combination of the two. While I have sometimes had issues with the nurseries we've used, it was much more stressful for us as a family when we didn't get on with the nanny/she was doing something we objected to. It's hard to have words with someone who is then in sole charge of your child all day. Employment rights can also be complicated to navigate - with a nursery you can just give 4 wks notice whenever you like, it's more complicated than that with an employee - and then there's the cost factor. AFter our first one, I thought we would never have another.

Having said all that, a nanny you love is an absolute blessing and feels worth every penny. And the combination of a nanny and high quality preschool is a better preparation for school, at least in our area. Toilet training is often much smoother at home - trust me, when you've collected a baby who is shoeless and knickerless from a nursery after three accidents in one day you'll hire a nanny the next day. Plus the sickness - we had to hire another nanny because it was just beyond belief, I had so much time off....

So...some fo the good the bad and the ugly. Good luck with your decision.

I personally prefer a high quality nursery to a nanny.

As a parent, you have an opportunity to check out the rooms and ask questions, soak in the atmosphere. My ds who started ft at 11 months had a 8 week settling in period (free!). I spent hours in the babyroom, which the staff were happy for me to do so and in fact requested me to stay if ds was unsettled. So could observe the staff warts and all. No doubt there is chitchat (people are human), but still the focus is the children and no child is teased or left to cry. I drop in at all times and have no reason to believe they were putting on a show for me.

I like the checks and balances offered by a nursery, particularly for a pre-verbal child. My children can be quite demanding and I would not wish 11 hours of time with my baby on anyone without sheltered breaks. If there is more than one carer, there is more cover and less likely that one carer gets too stressed.

Unless you have a webcam (which I believe it not legal), it is not possible to know exactly what goes on behind closed doors? Of course, there are good nannies out there for which this is not an issue.