Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Unsure about our nanny

48 replies

notsureconfused · 18/02/2022 15:32

My 12 month old son loves his nanny, is very happy to go to her etc so I have no concerns on that score but I think she may be lying to me about where she is taking him and I don't know how to broach it. She said she was taking him to a local soft play centre so I text to see if he was enjoying himself as he's never been before and asked her to send me a photo. She didn't reply which is unusual for her so I phoned and she didn't answer. She promptly phoned me back but it just didn't sound like she was in a soft play centre. I couldn't hear children in the background or any sounds like that's where they were, it just sounded like the TV was on in the background. I probably sound paranoid but I've just got a feeling that they weren't where she said they were. Her children are off school this week and perhaps she took him to her house. I wouldn't mind that if she had asked but I want to know where my baby is and I don't want to be lied to. How can I broach this without souring our relationship?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pyri · 18/02/2022 15:34

Ask her for the receipts for your expenses?

Ultimately if you don’t trust her then get someone else. This is a small deal but what if you thought she’d fed him whole nuts or something potentially dangerous

blueshoes · 18/02/2022 15:45

I would not want a nanny to look after a pre-verbal child if I did not trust her 100%.

As a parent, you have absolutely every right to know where she took him. I am outraged on your behalf if she was lying to you.

There are checks and balances in a nursery or other child setting where it is not just nanny and your child.

Today is Friday, the last day of the half term where her children would be off school. Where did she tell you she took your son over the whole of this week? Would she have been lying over what she did for the entire week?

LubaLuca · 18/02/2022 15:59

If this is a one-off thing if her not being able to send a photo, I wouldn't assume she's a liar. She could have moved to a quiet part of the building to call you back when she realised she'd missed a call, which is why it didn't sound loud.

I don't think she would have lied is what I'm saying, rather than just telling you her plans had changed or whatever. You wouldn't have been bothered if he didn't go to the soft play place, so there would be no need to lie. How does she give you her expenses? Maybe tighten up and ask for receipts 'for your records' if that would make things less uncertain.

Original poster

notsureconfused · 18/02/2022 16:01

She only looks after him 2 days per week and I know she stayed at my home with him earlier in the week as the weather was terrible. A family member was here so I know that's the case. She just text me that she couldn't take a photo as the company don't like people taking photo's- which obviously is impossible for me to verify. I can't prove any of this other than it really didn't sound like she was at a play centre on the phone.

OP posts:

Original poster

notsureconfused · 18/02/2022 16:03

She didn't give me a receipt and unfortunately I didn't think to ask, she just told me the cost so I could reimburse.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 18/02/2022 17:37

@notsureconfused

She didn't give me a receipt and unfortunately I didn't think to ask, she just told me the cost so I could reimburse.

If it was a lie, this is shocking and fraudulent. Can you check what the cost was on the softplay website to make sure that at least it matches.

Is she is the habit of giving receipts? Perhaps you should ask her to provide receipts going forwards. It will be a subtle way of regaining control and if she is smart, will suspect that you are on to her without actually accusing her of anything.

If she did it once (we don't know yet), there is nothing to stop her doing it again. But she needs to feel she is being monitored.

Montague22 · 18/02/2022 17:41

I wouldn’t trust her.
She must know ‘firsts’ are important for a parent and I’m sure if she’d been she could have managed a photo. If she was that aware about the centres ‘rules’ she’d have snapped one outside the centre.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 18/02/2022 17:42

I would also ask for receipts going forward

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 17:43

Sorry but I think it sounds fishy! Soft plays are notoriously loud - especially at the moment with half term / kids off school with the storm. And every soft play I've been in you can take a photo.

I'm sorry to say that I do know of nannies who lie to the parents about their whereabouts and it pisses me off. Never in dangerous situations but things like taking them shopping but saying they went to soft play etc...

The parents I work for never ask where I am throughout the day- they trust me. But I do take millions of pictures and send them either throughout the day or during nap time or at the end of the day - just whenever I get a moment. I also can't think of anything worse than taking them shopping or to my flat (which is not child friendly!) It's also not what I'm being paid to do. Of course I've occasionally had to nip in to a shop to buy myself emergency paracetamol/ a sandwich / a drink etc... but nothing more than that!

I'd simply text her asking for a receipt or email confirmation for your records.

She may be telling the truth or she may be lying and until you know, you'll not be able to trust her.

OneBeanClub · 18/02/2022 17:44

@Montague22

I wouldn’t trust her. She must know ‘firsts’ are important for a parent and I’m sure if she’d been she could have managed a photo. If she was that aware about the centres ‘rules’ she’d have snapped one outside the centre.

Where does it say this is the child's 'first time'?

Are you seriously suggesting the nanny should have to drag the child away from playing, take him outside and get a photo to prevent being sacked for dishonesty.

That's batshit.

Having said that OP as a op said, trust is essential in childcare. Do you have any reason not to trust her?

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 17:46

And nannies who do stuff like this give us a bad name. Obviously she may be telling the truth so don't want to jump the gun. But please know that there are great nannies out there. I'm very selective about nannies I recommend.

Cakelover17 · 18/02/2022 17:46

You could easily verify about the photo by phoning the soft play place and asking their police on photos. And you need to ask for receipts for reimbursing things, it’s just good practice and you never no when you may need them.

If you don’t trust her I’d get rid, I would absolutely trust my gut when it comes to stuff like this.

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 17:47

Where does it say this is the child's 'first time'?
@OneBeanClub

It says so in the op's 1st post!

Dimensions3 · 18/02/2022 17:56

The nannies that we had always did a weekly expense report with mileage and receipts (we gave cash in advance and they accounted for the spending of the expenses cash with receipts). But this was outlined in their contract. The receipts are a professional courtesy as well as, in your situation, providing some reassurance that all is well.

If you don’t trust her, don’t leave your 12 month old child with her. There are excellent trustworthy nannies out there, find one.

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 18:01

My families don't ask for proof or receipts but I've always offered them if they want.

OneBeanClub · 18/02/2022 18:10

@Pumpfive

Where does it say this is the child's 'first time'? *@OneBeanClub*

It says so in the op's 1st post!

That he's never been to that local soft play centre? Are first times at different soft play centres really so important that you expect nanny's to take their charges outside for photos or risk getting sacked? Even if it was his first time vet at soft play surely the point us to let him play, not take him outside for a photo to alleviate unfounded suspicion

Montague22 · 18/02/2022 18:31

Of course I didn’t mean take him outside. What a bizarre assumption to make.
I’d have taken a photo with the sign when leaving. Then text to the parent with a short message ‘fun at soft play’ or whatever.

Mitsouko67 · 18/02/2022 18:32

I had this. Trust your instincts. Sounds like your child might have been at her house.

Keep an eye on things and see how it goes.

Find out more about their days. You are perfectly entitled to ask.

Are there any playgroups etc she could bring him to? Might help to structure those 2 days.

Chardonnay73 · 18/02/2022 18:34

Don’t you have to sign in to soft play? I’d be down there wanting to see the records

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 19:02

@Chardonnay73

Don’t you have to sign in to soft play? I’d be down there wanting to see the records

You don't at my local one! But she should have an email receipt/ paper receipt!

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 19:03

@OneBeanClub the op said they've never been. I assumed that meant the child had never been to soft play.

OneBeanClub · 18/02/2022 19:07

[quote Pumpfive]@OneBeanClub the op said they've never been. I assumed that meant the child had never been to soft play.[/quote]
It's ambiguous.
Regardless I'm not sure first time at soft play with the nanny is a massive milestone warranting photographic proof or sacking her

Original poster

notsureconfused · 18/02/2022 20:11

I'm not suggesting I would sack the nanny if I don't get photographic proof my baby had been at the soft play, just it's another thing that doesn't quite add up! The biggest thing is that when she phoned me back it just didn't sound like she was at a soft play centre. I've been plenty of times to other ones with my older children and know just how loud they are, especially during half term. It really just sounded like a TV was on in the background. It's a gut instinct really,
I could just tell she wasn't being truthful. I'm going to think things over during the weekend. If she'd asked if she could take the baby to her house to spend some time with her children, I wouldn't have minded but I do mind being lied to and I want to know my babies whereabouts. I've been happy with her in every other way and my baby is happy with her too so it's such a shame that this has happened.

OP posts:

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 18/02/2022 20:21

Lack of trust is a deal breaker for me, especially someone who looks after my kids

Applefruitcake · 19/02/2022 16:20

I think you should check the price of the soft play and see if it matches up, check their policy regarding taking pictures and / or check if they have any records. Our local soft play has an area for eating and also a cloakroom which are usually quiet most of the time, so lack of noise may not automatically be suspicious.

BUT ultimately if you don't trust her 100% then this relationship won't work no matter how amazing she is in other ways

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread