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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Unsure about our nanny

48 replies

notsureconfused · 18/02/2022 15:32

My 12 month old son loves his nanny, is very happy to go to her etc so I have no concerns on that score but I think she may be lying to me about where she is taking him and I don't know how to broach it. She said she was taking him to a local soft play centre so I text to see if he was enjoying himself as he's never been before and asked her to send me a photo. She didn't reply which is unusual for her so I phoned and she didn't answer. She promptly phoned me back but it just didn't sound like she was in a soft play centre. I couldn't hear children in the background or any sounds like that's where they were, it just sounded like the TV was on in the background. I probably sound paranoid but I've just got a feeling that they weren't where she said they were. Her children are off school this week and perhaps she took him to her house. I wouldn't mind that if she had asked but I want to know where my baby is and I don't want to be lied to. How can I broach this without souring our relationship?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chestofdraws · 19/02/2022 16:25

Generally you’re not allowed to take pics at soft play as you’re photographing children, I’m surprised you didn’t know this or didn’t believe her, many centres don’t permit it.

In addition if she was lying would she be smart enough to switch the volume off on her telly?

BobbinHood · 19/02/2022 16:30

@Chestofdraws

Generally you’re not allowed to take pics at soft play as you’re photographing children, I’m surprised you didn’t know this or didn’t believe her, many centres don’t permit it.

In addition if she was lying would she be smart enough to switch the volume off on her telly?

I’m not sure this is as common as you think, no soft play centre where I live prohibits photography, and I’ve been to about 6.

Mamajunebugjones · 19/02/2022 17:39

Perhaps let her know about your doubts- say that you’re probably wrong, but it just didn’t sound like soft play in the background, and you thought that perhaps she had gone to her home? Tell her you don’t mind - but you just would have preferred her to tell you the truth? Her response may let you know if she was telling truth or not? Accept that you may be wrong, but you want to be able to trust her implicitly so wanted to share your doubts with her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/02/2022 08:03

I’ve always taken pics at soft play

And it’s so noisy

It does sound like she is lying

At the moment you need to book all soft play near me so she would have an email confirmation esp in half term when busy

How old are her children ? Assume old enough to be left at home alone ?

Going forward if you don’t trust her it’s not going to work

You prob won’t ever know unless she admits it so you need to decide whether you can carry on

Maybe ask her outright face to face. See her reaction

Original poster

notsureconfused · 20/02/2022 19:45

Thanks for the replies. I think I am just going to have to ask her outright. She told me it cost £3 but according to the website it's £4.50 for a 1 year old so that doesn't add up either. I've gone over it and over it and ultimately I do need to be able to trust her without question. The whole thing is so unnecessary as I wouldn't have minded if she had taken him home or to a friends etc but I do need to know where he is!

OP posts:

Rrrob · 20/02/2022 20:00

I couldn’t carry on like this. As you say, it’s a small thing and if she had asked might have been ok (having said that, if she is having him at her house that’s childminding). We have a nanny for our 1 year olds and she gives us receipts for any costs outside of usual playgroups (that they go to every week/ she sometimes sends photos so I believe they’ve been).

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/02/2022 20:52

She can take back to own house for up to 2hrs as a nanny

DueyCheatemAndHow · 20/02/2022 22:33

I've never been to a softplay that prohibits photography.

If I were you I'd phone them and ask.

And bottom line - listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, change it.

whitedahlias · 21/02/2022 08:49

Looking back, our nanny definitely did this. And lied. But also, her kids were v nice and when they could talk, mine clearly liked them and looked up to them (they were late primary school age).

I would do things a bit differently if I were doing it again, what about each hols say to her "OK, your kids are off school, which day would you like to do something with them and X [your child]? I'll pay entrance for all to [National Trust / Acquarium etc.] ".

Then you make clear that the other days are regular work days and you'd like them to do X or Y with your child as usual and ask her what childcare she has arranged for her kids.

Bunnycat101 · 22/02/2022 19:37

I definitely wouldn’t be doing the suggestion above. Ultimately you’re paying for someone to look after your baby and not their children. I’d be a bit dubious of the suggestion of taking a 12m old to a softplay during half term anyway. That’s just madness tbh so I wouldn’t be convinced at all. If she was there, I’d be suspicious she’d taken her other children primarily.

NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2022 01:32

@Montague22

Of course I didn’t mean take him outside. What a bizarre assumption to make. I’d have taken a photo with the sign when leaving. Then text to the parent with a short message ‘fun at soft play’ or whatever.

Each to their own, but the idea that this is standard practise and it's suspicious that she didn't do this is ridiculous.

I've never ever taken a picture of a child with a sign. I've never known anyone to do this. I've never known a parent who would want this. It's far from standard or normal practise.

And even if she had....wouldn't everyone then be saying 'oh it's a bit suspicious that she only took the picture outside, maybe they didn't go in' etc etc.

And lots of places don't allow you to take photographs where other people's children could be in shot.

OP, I agree with you, just ask her. No need for all this Sherlock Holmes nonsense with receipts and websites and random people's views on photography/softplay noise levels etc.

Shainago · 26/02/2022 01:35

@Montague22

I wouldn’t trust her. She must know ‘firsts’ are important for a parent and I’m sure if she’d been she could have managed a photo. If she was that aware about the centres ‘rules’ she’d have snapped one outside the centre.

Huh?

HoppingPavlova · 26/02/2022 01:52

I’m torn. I know way back when my kids were young no soft play we went to allowed photos to be taken. If you held your child’s birthday there, still no photos, but they got ‘their’ staff photographer to take photos and you could have those. I know that was a long time ago but things like this tend to tighten up over time not relax. Also no signing in required when I went, not sure if that’s changed.

It is always noisy in soft play though, but maybe given this she waited until they left and called you back from outside so a little background noise that may have sounded like a tv? Or, she may have been at her house, who knows.

As for those saying a nanny would have automatically snapped photos? I certainly wouldn’t have thought soft play was anything to snap photos of. Wouldn’t expect it as a parent and wouldn’t think of it as a nanny.

Gunpowder · 26/02/2022 02:33

Our local softplay prohibits photography because of child protection. It’s super strict! Once I got accused of taking photos when I was doing my ocado order.

That said, I think if you ever have doubts about any form of childcare then it’s not right. And I think not being truthful is a much bigger deal than being five minutes late or leaving the house messy (things I’d overlook if my child was really happy with a nanny.)

Maybe you could ask her outright if she has anything she wants to tell you.

AutomaticMoon · 26/02/2022 03:17

When I was little, my nanny took me out of school and my mother didn’t know for weeks, until she ran into my teacher who asked her how I’m doing at my new school. I would trust my instinct.

Pumpfive · 26/02/2022 22:52

@AutomaticMoon

When I was little, my nanny took me out of school and my mother didn’t know for weeks, until she ran into my teacher who asked her how I’m doing at my new school. I would trust my instinct.

Whaattt?! We need more context to this!! How didn't your mother notice?

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2022 11:12

And also, why? Surely she was making more work for herself taking you out of school!

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 21:11

I go to play areas all the time. I take photos all the time, never once been an issue. I'd make it a requirement that you get sent photos of days out etc. At a childcare setting we always get photos sent through so it's not uncommon, especially for days out. I'd ask where she went, you normally have to sign in and out of play areas so I'd check up on her that way. I'm sure they will look on their system and confirm wether a person by that name attended at the day/time or not. Then you will know if you are dealing with a liar or not. I suspect she may be lying too

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 21:15

I've never been to a play are where I haven't had to sign in amd out of, ever!

Stopsnowing · 27/02/2022 21:42

One Monday my first nanny took my child to a childrens activity museum. I gave her the entrance fee and money for a meal there. Did not ask for a receipt. Nanny came back and gave me a very detailed description of how much fun my child had had. So I went on the website to see about an annual membership. Only to find out that that it was closed on Mondays. I removed my child from her care.

Later I had another nanny. One day l left myself back into the house shortly after leaving because I had forgotten something. I heard her on her phone clearly making plans to meet up with friends. I didn’t think anything of it.

But one weekend I was sorting out the changing back and I found a receipt for a pub on a morning she had my child. We parted ways.

On both occasions I checked with the businesses concerned.

Pumpfive · 27/02/2022 23:37

Oh crikey @Stopsnowing that's awful. So sorry you had those experiences. I'm glad you checked with the businesses too though as I know my local museum shuts on Mondays but is open on Mondays in the school holidays :)

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2022 23:46

I agree it's good that you checked because around here there are a lot of baby activities that take place in pubs! There are also a couple of pubs that have big softplay centres (separate to the pub), but you need to go to the pub bit for lunch. I could easily have a pub receipt during the working day and it be entirely innocent.

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2022 23:49

@MissMaple82

I've never been to a play are where I haven't had to sign in amd out of, ever!

Well, that may well be local to you because I've never been to a softplay centre where I've needed to sign in or out, ever. You pay to go in obviously, but no-one takes your name.

I've been to lots of places that didn't allow photographs. People still take them and tbh it's rare anyone says anything, but the rule is no pictures and some people are better at sticking to that than others.

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