What shall I do?

[Bahhumbu]

Ok so I have a babysitter that comes regularly but part time and I’m setting her up as employee too, I pay her 9.50 an hour and I have told her to interact with ds as much as possible, no other responsibilities and to help him communicate as currently he is non verbal she has previous experience but I find myself giving her very basic instructions, for instance, in the garden I saw my ds was playing by himself on the steps he is 2 and clumsy, the babysitter was on her phone when I came down (I work from home) I told her not to have the phone if it distracts her away from watching ds as she had her back turned and she was on the phone. Normally I allow her to do what she likes when ds is asleep but often times I think she leaves him in the bedroom as he’s happy to play but eventually she does come up as she just check on him. Today ds came up the stairs and barged into my room while I was in a class for like a minute before babysitter realised where she’d been. Babysitter tried to get him out and he cried etc forgot to mute and whole class heard her crying and I apologised and made it quite light hearted. I have just told her to make sure she’s supervising him especially on stairs or keep the gates closed so he isn’t tempted to go up. And also when I ask how ds has been today she said he’s been playing around doing his own thing and she’s been on phone. I don’t know why she think this is acceptable as I do expect a certain level of playing/interaction especially as I laid this all out for her (even made a list of things) am I expecting too much? I feel I pay her enough to at least interact with him, read a book etc. She has been turning up late due to traffic which I’ve let go as she’s a nice girl, she is 20.

What shall I do? Should I find someone else? Writing this down I feel I should but then what if they’re all the same? I’ve never had someone come over before and I’ll be sending him to nursery once he’s communicating abit better. Advice much appreciated.

This is the third thread like this today of after school "nannies" not engaging with the kids! Mine is one of them.

If you've got options I would look elsewhere because it sounds like the raw material isn't there and no matter how often you ask her to not use her phone or engage more, her default behaviour will always kick in again after a few days.

If like me and there is a lack of childcare in your area and you need to stick with her then be specific with her and regularly.

I am in the NW and there was another babysitter who had childcare quals and kids of her own but she could only start an hour later, has her own car I am considering going to her. I’m quite desperate, I feel I could compromise on the phone thing but it’s the lack of supervision, I don’t have cameras but the fact I’m coming across this stuff is making me think I should be more responsible as I wouldn’t let him out of my sight on the stairs in case he trips, the fact he was in my room and she didn’t get him right away tells me she wasn’t supervising even though she says she was sat on the stairs with him, I can imagine her being sat on the phone in the living room, while he toddled off on the stairs.

Because my hours are part time it’s hard to find more of a formal set up, as most want full time hours. I can’t wait to be able to put him in nursery he’s just not ready yet

I guess I’m just worried if I’m waiting for an accident to happen before I tell her to go, I’m very laid back, I let her relax and she can help herself to food but I feel she is oblivious to the actual supervision which is the bare minimum I expect argh

I even checked her reference who said she just needs clear instructions hence making the list for her but if I were to give a reference the first thing I’d say is she needs to put her phone away and actually supervise the kid

Is she a babysitter, as in someone who will keep an eye on the child, feed, change nappies, or a nanny, someone who has experience and training, who will do the above plus has a good knowledge of child development and appropriate activities?

£9.50 is on the low side for a good nanny, probably about right for a babysitter, you get what you pay for.

Thanks for your reply I have just read what you wrote on the other thread and I could’ve written that. I am just not sure about leaving ds unsupervised for an hour before this one makes her way to mine, it’s so difficult!

And I was hoping having a one to one babysitter would give her more attention than a nursery but nursery seems more appealing

She is a babysitter, she doesn’t have qualifications and I don’t expect structure or housekeeping just keeping her safe and interacting as I originally mentioned in the description of the role, neither seems to be happening

Just needs to play and talk to him really, not the whole time as it gets tiring and informally, no special activities just get down off the sofa and play alongside to encourage interactions or do I need them to be qualified to do that?

@Bahhumbu

Thanks for your reply I have just read what you wrote on the other thread and I could’ve written that. I am just not sure about leaving ds unsupervised for an hour before this one makes her way to mine, it’s so difficult!

If that's the only other option then I wouldn't leave him unsupervised especially at that age. You might have to suck this one up and continue on with her whilst quietly looking for someone else in the background who fits the exact hours you need :(

In my area I’m paying her more than you’d pay a babysitter so I figure the extra pay accounts for the expectation of interaction but I would expect full supervision regardless of pay

You are right I shouldn’t leave him unsupervised and normally wouldn’t even consider it but now that she’s leaving him to it I wonder if I’d be better off this way, it’s crazy

I suppose what I'm trying to say is if she's employed and paid as a babysitter (which is usually sitting on the sofa watching TV whilst children sleep), she's might not take the job as seriously as if she were being employed and paid as a nanny, which is a professional job. It doesn't excuse not keeping children safe though, that's a basic of any kind of childcare.

A childminder with childcare and first aid qualification who would do all you expect and then some is much cheaper. Why fork out so much more money for someone who isn’t qualified?
‘Babysitter’ is someone who supervises your kids on an odd occasion like an evening while you go out, often it’s a teenager. It’s not a professional who you can give partial responsibility for your child’s development. Pay for proper a proper nanny or find a childcare setting if you’re so concerned.

He's 2 he'd likely be far happier in a decent nursery.

Pay for proper a proper nanny or find a childcare setting if you’re so concerned.

If only it were as simple as that. I pay my after school nanny £12 per hour. Whilst she doesn't leave the kids unsupervised, she doesn't engage with them either.

It seems to be a general young persons syndrome of constantly being attached to their phone and disengaged with their job. I see it in my office as well when people are on Zoom calls. You can see when their eyes are looking down instead of at the screen talking to you.

NannyR yes like I said I could let the phone thing slide but it’s the lack of supervision no doubt caused by the phone.

I’d be happy to pay for a ‘proper’ nanny just many want full time work which is understandable.

I think as I described my expectations when I listed the ad I was hoping she’d do what was expected of her was hoping to register as an employee too as it’s regular work but I think I’ll have to really think about putting him in nursery part time but still gets a lot of separation anxiety due to lockdown only seeing me so didn’t want to stress him out he’s very happy being in familiar surroundings and I thought it’s less hassle for me as I don’t have to leave the house this way and having someone come over and then one to one interaction seemed appealing but realise it’s no different to paying my nephew £5 an hour who will sit there on his phone the whole time.

A lot to think about but I guess there I can start interviewing others.

Roses2 agree with you there. I am addicted to my phone but work is work and children need supervising at all times especially if the stair gates are left open

A lot of the ads I’m looking at it’s the babysitters stating they will do this or that with children, really sell their services so I’m confused why we shouldn’t expect them to meet our expectations as they’re limited by their job title. If they say they are good with children and have experiences doing so much with kids it leads to expectation of at least having SOME interaction with the child. Leaving the child unsupervised as is the case here has actually prompted me to post on here not the phone itself.

Just find a nursery or childminder , it will do your child way more good than the current situation .

It's a a babysitter more someone that looks after kids when asleep ..or maybe bedtime story and bed ?

If she's a nanny she should be doing more with your child I feel

How old is this person ?

@NannyR

I suppose what I'm trying to say is if she's employed and paid as a babysitter (which is usually sitting on the sofa watching TV whilst children sleep), she's might not take the job as seriously as if she were being employed and paid as a nanny, which is a professional job. It doesn't excuse not keeping children safe though, that's a basic of any kind of childcare.

This

You need to find a qualified nanny and pay a proper wage or put dc in a nursery. You say dc isn't ready for nursery, and that they're non verbal, nursery nurses are professionals who can assess and support speech development.

As an interim measure tell her you're concerned about the phone being a distraction and reiterate her attention must be on supervising and interacting with DC at all times. Ask her to leave her phone in her handbag and is for use while dc is napping or emergencies only.

In fairness you've employed someone with no training and are paying her minimal money. I pay £10 p/h for an actual babysitter, who arrives once the kids are already in bed asleep, no actual interaction required. With that being said, she should be doing better and not putting your DC in danger!!

Bad situation all round.

If only it were as simple as that. I pay my after school nanny £12 per hour. Whilst she doesn't leave the kids unsupervised, she doesn't engage with them either.

It’s sounds like finding a good nanny must be tricky. I don’t know about the OP but I’m guessing most people who use nannies must work very awkward hours - otherwise I don’t know why people spend so much money on one rather than on a nursery or childminder. My childminder is £4.50 an hour, that’s without tax free childcare taken off. I can’t get my head around paying £9.50 for a babysitter- who I presume would not be registered with tax free childcare - for childcare that is of such inferior quality.

Yes forgot to add I start really early in the mornings before nurseries open, so it’s gives some flexibility too.

In my area babysitters are paid less and because I pay her more and she has regular hours from me I would think she’d be more committed to doing things properly otherwise I wouldn’t need to check her references and interview her to see how she interacts with ds, she was on the floor with him playing etc when I met her so my expectations are more than your babysitter but less than a nanny as I don’t need so much structure.

We are wondering about asd with ds and have him referred so want to minimise stress for him as he can’t cope at all and lockdown did not help so I’d rather build things up slowly rather than put him in nursery and expect him to deal with it. But for quality of care yes nursery would be better but he is very happy at home and don’t want to disrupt that unless I feel he’s ready esp but the aim is to have him in nursery by 2.5 or 3

I’m not entitled to tax free child care but that’s a whole other story