Do I just need to accept that the house is more likely to get messy/damaged with nanny minding the kids?

[Vanpod]

I love our nanny to bits and (more importantly) the kids love her, and she's great with them, so I'm not sure if IABU and should just accept this.

Basically, I've found that the house is more likely to get dirtier and things get damaged when the nanny is looking after the kids, as opposed to when I'm looking after them. By dirtier, I mean that she continuously allows the kids to have messy food (bowls of pasta and ice cream) in the sitting room on the fabric sofa despite me asking her not to. Also, she allows them to take the cushions off the sofa and jump on them to the point that they are all stained.

Along with this, I've discovered that under her watch, one of the kids scribbled felt tip all over the kitchen table legs which are white, and this won't wash off. Ditto to paint on the table top that has left a permanent stain. There are more things that I can think of but this is just a small example.

To be clear, she doesn't clean for us as we have 4 kids and I feel that she has enough to be doing.

I don't know if IABU or not, obviously I know that someone coming in from the outside is not going to stick to the high standards I have for my own home, and I also know that things like this have also happened under my watch, though not as frequently.

Should I just accept this as one of the downsides of having a nanny?

Errrr nooo.

I’m a nanny and wouldn’t dream of letting someone else’s house get like that. She needs to have much firmer boundaries.

In fact all the house accidents in my job tend to happen in mum’s watch, because she’s really lax with boundaries and discipline.

I wouldn’t want my boss to refer to my job as ‘minding’ though just FYI!! A babysitter might mind, a proper nanny should be doing a lot more than that!

The felt tip will probably come off using a magic eraser.

I’ve used nail polish remover to get rid of felt tip. Be careful, it’s not for all surfaces but gets pen off the kitchen table.

Yes and No.

By dirtier, I mean that she continuously allows the kids to have messy food (bowls of pasta and ice cream) in the sitting room on the fabric sofa despite me asking her not to.

That is not acceptable. You have told her not to allow them to do that, so it should no longer happen.

Also, she allows them to take the cushions off the sofa and jump on them to the point that they are all stained.

Do the children know that they are not to jump on the sofa cushions? Does your nanny know that they cannot be used for that, or making a den, or whatever else?

Along with this, I've discovered that under her watch, one of the kids scribbled felt tip all over the kitchen table legs which are white, and this won't wash off.

That I feel could happen under your watch. Children may be nicely colouring on paper one moment, then you turn your back and they suddenly are doing it somewhere else.

I think you have to set the expectations clearly. Your nanny is not a mind reader, they don't know your house rules unless you tell them. Once you tell them though they should be applying those rules.

Are your children old enough to understand the rules, so you and nanny could go through the house rules with them, so they know that nanny knows, and they don't then try to get away with things which are not allowed (they probably will still try on occasion).

Noooo. We have a nanny. The house looks like the cleaner's been after she's been with our DC.

Sit her down one day and reiterate a few things, eg:

• Eating at the kitchen table only
• Drawing " "
• No jumping on the sofa

You know your own kids. Are they / some of them likely to be defiant and challenging? Is there an issue there? Because if they behave for you (within reason) but not for her that isn't great.

We have 4dc and i used to feel the same if my dm watched them, my house is clean and tidy then dm let's them run riot making a mess, including once oil based face paint on a carpet. I spoke to her about it and made it clear it wasn't ok, she does now make sure they behave.

Well there's a few things. Eating food where you've said no to, that's not right and shouldn't happen.
Jumping on the cushions, whilst it's fun, if you don't want it to happen then reiterate that, she should be able ro respect your home.

Drawing on the table legs could have literally taken a minute to happen, I presume she has apologised and tried to remove it?

Permanent paint, I presume after or during an activity? Can you or do you have a table cover/ plastic sheet for further activities?

You do need to sit down and talk about this. I understand how busy she'll be and some things are minor or can be prevented

It will all need replacing before they are teens. If they are genuinely happy then I would let it go. Happy kids are worth far more than a beautiful house.

How old are the four kids?

Set some rules and boundaries. Too many people who would manage someone with clear goals in the office somehow feel it’s wrong to do it at home. It’s not. Write it down, brief her, manage her against the goals. If then she does it you have an issue, but maybe she just doesn’t know what you want.

I always leave the house I work in in a the same state as I found it, usually tidier. I think a good nanny should be encouraging children to eat at the table anyway, for social reasons, good manners etc. It's fine to reiterate that to her - food is to be eaten at the table, nowhere else.
Sofa cushions - hmm, my opinion is that as long as they are not being damaged, is there really a problem with kids playing with them? They make great dens and they are useful for letting off steam on rainy days. I presume they can be cleaned.
The felt tip pens incident could have happened at any time, accidents happen with little kids. I would have tried to clean it up and mentioned it to you though.
Paint on the table - have you got a good, wipe clean tablecloth so that they can do messy play without damaging the table? I don't see a problem with mentioning to her that she should protect the table surface.

Kids are aged 7 down to 1. They know that they're not allowed to eat on the sofas but regularly chance their arm, and I have to constantly remind them to stay at the table to eat myself, which I don't think the nanny does. 7yo can be a bit defiant and needs constant reminding.

With the sofa cushions I guess there isn't any huge harm in jumping on them, but I have noticed that they have gotten very stained and dirty looking since they started doing it a few months ago.

Part of me feels like IABU because they are happy.

Before I read this, I was going to say yabu but letting the dcs eat messy food on the sofa, teamed with paint on the table etc, really not on!

Btw I don’t think the things you have mentioned are having high standards but very reasonable.

@Vanpod

Kids are aged 7 down to 1. They know that they're not allowed to eat on the sofas but regularly chance their arm, and I have to constantly remind them to stay at the table to eat myself, which I don't think the nanny does. 7yo can be a bit defiant and needs constant reminding.

With the sofa cushions I guess there isn't any huge harm in jumping on them, but I have noticed that they have gotten very stained and dirty looking since they started doing it a few months ago.

Part of me feels like IABU because they are happy.

Any chance of replacing the sofa for a leather one? Craft to be done on a wipea le table cloth.

Well... it was never an issue when my DC were that age, but I would absolutely never have employed a nanny who allowed them to eat anywhere other than at the table. There were some absolute non-negotiables for me: eating only at the table was one. Sleeping in their own beds was another.

However, I did let them jump on the playroom sofa (knowing it would be trashed). We had an adults-only sitting room with a lock on it, in order to contain the 'child-friendly' areas.

Paint etc - I had a sacrificial plastic tablecloth for the kitchen table, which was on all day and removed when XH and I had supper at night.

Felt-tips on furniture can happen even in the best-regulated families, and I would never have blamed a nanny for that.

However... you're in a bit of bind as it's a bit late to start changing nannies and imposing rules now. So I suppose you'll have to stick with it if the DC are happy. Things will change as they get older.

Of course they love her - she lets them run riot! I wouldn't accept this behaviour - from any of them. I'm in full agreement a house is a home but sounds like they're trashing the place!

I had a nanny like this. I sacked her. I didn’t want to come home from work, start cleaning, getting food stains off the sofa, pen marks off the walls. She is taking the piss. Is her name Emmie?

We've had nannies for years and most of this would not be acceptable. I'd be relaxed about jumping on cushions because that's a typical kid thing and shouldn't cause staining, and with regards to paint on the table is there a cover for it the nanny can use? But the rest of it sounds like inadequate supervision, frankly.

Nope it's not Emmie

Ok so I think I need to get a tablecloth and have a word about eating at the table and see how it goes from there.

Absolutely no way.

I worked as a nanny and would never have let the kids do something the parents had said not to.

I'd tell her again and if she allows the behaviour I'd have her clean it. A nanny who your kids like doesn't give the nanny a pass to behave like that. She's supposed to be an adult.

You need to detail the house rules - if the kids are not allowed to eat outside the kitchen with you / then same should apply when she is in charge. I have had a nanny in the past and they asked what rules we had. I don't have many but eating together at the table was one. Shoes off at the door was another. I also would not have allowed jumping in the furniture!

Part of me feels like IABU because they are happy.
No wonder they are happy, it sounds like she is letting them run riot when you aren’t there. This would give me concern about what kind of standard of care she is actually providing, it doesn’t sound very professional.