Do I just need to accept that the house is more likely to get messy/damaged with nanny minding the kids?

[Vanpod]

I love our nanny to bits and (more importantly) the kids love her, and she's great with them, so I'm not sure if IABU and should just accept this.

Basically, I've found that the house is more likely to get dirtier and things get damaged when the nanny is looking after the kids, as opposed to when I'm looking after them. By dirtier, I mean that she continuously allows the kids to have messy food (bowls of pasta and ice cream) in the sitting room on the fabric sofa despite me asking her not to. Also, she allows them to take the cushions off the sofa and jump on them to the point that they are all stained.

Along with this, I've discovered that under her watch, one of the kids scribbled felt tip all over the kitchen table legs which are white, and this won't wash off. Ditto to paint on the table top that has left a permanent stain. There are more things that I can think of but this is just a small example.

To be clear, she doesn't clean for us as we have 4 kids and I feel that she has enough to be doing.

I don't know if IABU or not, obviously I know that someone coming in from the outside is not going to stick to the high standards I have for my own home, and I also know that things like this have also happened under my watch, though not as frequently.

Should I just accept this as one of the downsides of having a nanny?

Ordinarily I would be quick to say nannies should absolutely not be allowing this but…

4 kids from age 7 to 1 during the summer holidays is seriously hard work, especially if the eldest is a defiant rather than a compliant type, and especially with the ropey weather.

Have you looked after all 4 by yourself for full days much? Or is it generally at the weekends with DH there too? As if you haven’t had to do it solo that often, and not for days on end, you may be underestimating how difficult a job it is?

Also you say damage happens more under her watch… but how many days does she have them vs you? If she has them 4 or 5 days and you have them 2 or 3 then obviously more damage will happen on her watch just as a matter of maths…

All that said, I would be annoyed about the eating on the sofa and that should definitely be something she can enforce.

Four kids with oldest being 7 is not entirely straightforward so I think pens on table type stuff is par for course honestly. I would ask her not to take cushions off sofa or eat on it. Then see how things are.

How much freedom does she have to take them out? Is she capable of taking them all to the park for a good run around/climb etc? Or does she generally stay at home with them?

I couldn’t with mine, we are out in all weathers, being at home for more than a few hours each time would drive us insane.

Personally, I would sack your nanny. She has not adhered to you house rules and disrespected your boundaries. There are those saying let it go, it's only a sofa etc. But to me, it is much more than that. What else is she willing to let slide?

Luckily, @Notenoughcider, nannies can’t be ‘just sacked’ for things such as this, as our employment rights are as valid as in any other professions. There is a process of verbal and written warnings etc which would have to be adhered to.

I’m a nanny .
I only allow eating at the table - I’m aware the parents don’t as I often find evidence in the playroom.
Plastic table cloth for drawing and creative play a must.
Drawing on table legs - these accidents happen and nanny should have tried to clean off and told you too.
Cushions off chairs - if in play room probably acceptable but I would have checked with you first - formal rooms - no wouldn’t happen.
I ensure the children get out every day and get a chance to let of steam in parks etc.
We don’t watch tv on my watch I leave that for the parents - we are far too busy.
You need to set clear rules and the nanny should respect your home. She should be capable of caring for the children and provide fun, developmentally appropriate activities without your home suffering.
You do get what you pay for - I’m assuming she has childcare qualifications and has covered working in homes in her training ?

Which child did the scribble on table - if 7yr she knows better

If 1yr why was she able to get pens - does 7yr put away

Food on sofa. A no. That’s what tables are for. Rep messy sticky food like you mentioned

4 kids on holidays is harder then when at school. Yes it’s her job but equally agree how often do you have all 4 alone all day

Cushions. Don’t see the harm in it. But some cheap ones to jump /make dens with

Wow! Nanny here. I wouldn't ever do this!! Some days things are slightly messier than others if we've had a rough day but generally (99.9% of the time!) I will leave the house spotless. It's days where I finish at 5 are the hardest as they eat about 4:45 so I haven't had a chance to clean up from tea yet.