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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

nursery dilemma - would you move your child?

49 replies

sickandtired23 · 24/11/2020 12:25

Please help me decide what to do.

My 3 year old DD is in full time child care - that's 5 days/week, from 9 to 5:30, due to both parents in full time employment.

She is at the local nursery which is ok - the staff is lovely, she really does get individual attention and the nursery has a good Ofsted rating. However, I am becoming increasingly aware that the nursery does not provide enough for her needs. It's a very small space, small outside space as well, they never go out so the children are kept in there for the whole day, every day, month after month, playing with the same toys, reading the same old books etc. I simply know that this environment is not stimulating enough for her. I don't blame them - the nursery is competitively priced, but it's just that while it was fine when she was younger, now I really think she needs more. She is up at 7am and doesn't go to bed until 11pm which to me is a sign of under-stimulation (no naps during day time either).

I was on a waiting list for another nursery (an expensive one, triple the price of the current nursery) and now a space has become available. That nursery has a lot more on offer, children go out to "forest school", local playgrounds etc, and have a range of structured activities in the nursery as well for which dedicated staff comes in (such as music, yoga etc). The staff looked lovely as well when I visited so overall a good feeling.

The question is: should I move her? Take her away from familiar environment and her friends, only to move on again in September when she'll be starting reception? It took her nearly a year to settle in her current nursery, and she was selectively mute for nearly a year to everyone there to the point that the nursery staff alerted me that she might have speech delays (I knew it wasn't the case, she speaks fine with elaborate sentences at home, but chooses not to speak to anyone else who is not part of her comfort zone). She has only now started to come out of her shell at the nursery and is talking to her friends and some of the adults (but will refuse to talk to new staff, for example).

DH is strictly against moving her. He thinks that her emotional wellbeing will be so affected by the shock of the change that any advantage from the extra activities will be minimal.
But I just can't bear the thought of her being "parked" in that tiny space for another 9 months - and 9 months is a long time for young children, they develop so quickly. I am one of those mums who is torn apart between children and career, and I very much feel that I have to ensure the best possible care for her during the daytime when I cannot look after her myself since I am working. I am even prepared to pay the much more expensive fee of the other nursery - to be honest I could not have afforded it for much longer than the 9 months she would be attending it.

Any insights much appreciated, thank you in advance!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/11/2020 12:28

They don’t go outside?- how the hell do they manage toddler energy.
Do they do: cooking, reception ready classes, any counting/ learning the alphabet, Forrest school? Or is it just a big play room?

Looking at school next yr, any with a school
Nursery?- to save a double transition?

jannier · 24/11/2020 12:37

What are you thinking for wrap around care and school holidays? If its a childminder and in view of how hard it is for her to settle i would look for the right person now so she gets really comfortable with them before the stress of school. A good childminder provides exactly the same as nursery and will go out.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 24/11/2020 13:34

I was about to say a childminder too. Good mix of going out, groups, mixing with others and low ratios to foster learning and education.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/11/2020 18:24

Given Covid and groups being closed, no soft play etc I’d choose a good nursery over a childminder

TreeFella · 24/11/2020 18:28

I really regret not moving my son to a different nursery for the year before school... Go with your instinct. Maybe the extra opportunities will offset any potential disadvantages.

notanoctopus · 24/11/2020 18:33

It's tricky. I'm tempted to say move her as it will be more stimulating and make it less of a jump when she goes to school. I moved mine to a more stimulating environment, but they had outgrown their other nursery, so different issues really. Good luck OP

jannier · 24/11/2020 20:01

@OnlyFoolsnMothers
Childminders can work with assistants and co minders and can have up to 12 children depending on how many adults they employ.
You also need to remember that large settings are more at risk of closing due to covid cases so there is a balance. Educationally the offer is the same.
This child takes time to settle come September they start school and will need wrap around and holiday care which is also a consideration as most nurseries don't do this type of care

MarshaBradyo · 24/11/2020 20:04

Is it really triple the price? Why the difference?

Is it because of the 15 hours v 30 hours thing.

We’ve chosen a more expensive one that only offers 15 hours as pays staff more and I’d say it’s worth it. Forest school, one to one attention, activities all day.

However moving her is always tricky. But I probably would.

Savourysenorita · 24/11/2020 20:06

Can't you go part time? Hats off to you. I could never have left my 3 year old in childcare for that long for that often

RandomMess · 24/11/2020 20:08

I would ask the new nursery for some trial days - explain the situation and ask.

Bizarrely my DC2 was selective mute until it turned out she had blue ear and her grommets done just before she was 5. She had started school with an ECHP due to her selective muteness and a few weeks after her op she was this chatty outgoing child always putting her hand up!!!

WhoseThatGirl · 24/11/2020 20:09

Why don’t they take them out?
Can you and your DH take a day off a week each to give her some more experiences?

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 24/11/2020 20:09

Slightly ot but my youngest is the same age. Even on a very lazy wet weekend day where we do very little she's still ready for bed by no later than 8. 11pm is a very very late bedtime for a 3 year old, she needs up to 12hrs sleep, she must be overtired I would think.

Tinty · 24/11/2020 20:09

I would agree with moving your Dd from the first part of your post but then when you mentioned, how long it took her to settle and the selective mutism, I actually think you would probably be mad to move her especially for nine months and then moving again to school. I would leave her where she is comfortable.

Indecisivelurcher · 24/11/2020 20:11

I would think about setting yourself up best for school in Sept. Is there a preschool attached to the school you will probably choose? Or if not then which nursery is most likely to set her up with friends that she'll move on to school with?

Heartofstrings · 24/11/2020 20:14

We've just made the decision to change nursery for our 3 year old. He also starts school in September. Now to july is a big percentage of his life

Twistered · 24/11/2020 20:15

@Savourysenorita ....... that's a wee bit harsh especially when op had already said she's very torn. Some parents have no choice and have to work full time thus need full time childcare .

Op I work in childcare .... The new nursery sounds fab but tbh for the sake of 9 months it's such a big risk to take .
If she is happy and settled maybe this is because of the low key nature of the current nursery?

TotoroPotoro · 24/11/2020 20:16

I wouldn't move her due to the long time spent settling her in and the mutism. I agree with your DH about her emotional wellbeing being paramount here.

Are you absolutely sure they don't take them out anywhere? I would have thought it would be better to raise this issue with them and ask if she can be taken out for walks/park, ours even go to tesco (round the corner) to buy food to cook.

Honestly though, I don't think I would move

Dizzywizz · 24/11/2020 20:18

I would say leave her where she is...and do you know it is the same toys all the time? Just asking as I worked in a nursery where they stored the toys away some of the time so they could rotate them. And they set up new areas, moved things around a lot etc

Dizzywizz · 24/11/2020 20:19

And tbh my kids went to nursery (a lot) where I have no idea if the toys were rotated, but they enjoyed it every day and both did very well there.

Coriandersucks · 24/11/2020 20:26

@Savourysenorita you’re clearly a better parent than the op - well done 🙄

Normally I would say don’t move if they’re settled and will be starting school in a year but that nursery does sound dull. Maybe she will settle quicker now she’s a bit older specially if there’s more for her to do. I would go for it.

mooncakes · 24/11/2020 20:27

I'd look ahead to school too and see if you can move her to a childminder who will do school wraparound.

glitterelf · 24/11/2020 20:29

Personally I wouldn't move her she's finally built up confidence and clearly feels very settled where she is and moving her could cause her to have a set back. Are any of her peers going to go to the same school ? If so this could be vital in her settling in at school being with someone she's familiar with.
As others have said what are you planning to do with regards to wrap around care and school holidays ? If you are thinking of using a childminder it could be a good idea to look now and split her time between the two settings which will give her the chance to build a firm relationship with them before starting school and will vary her days nows between the settings.

joybrightnice · 24/11/2020 20:33

I would her where she is if she is starting reception in less than a year.

joybrightnice · 24/11/2020 20:33

Leave*

IveBeenGood · 24/11/2020 20:44

I wonder if part for the mutism was due to her being unhappy where she was initially?

The nursery you’re looking at sounds like the one my 1 YO goes to. If it’s as good as you say, I’d speak with them about what happened and discuss strategies for settling in. I know it’s 9 months, but it seems like that nursery won’t prepare her fully for school.

Only you know what is right, but I’d personally still explore options.