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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

nursery dilemma - would you move your child?

49 replies

sickandtired23 · 24/11/2020 12:25

Please help me decide what to do.

My 3 year old DD is in full time child care - that's 5 days/week, from 9 to 5:30, due to both parents in full time employment.

She is at the local nursery which is ok - the staff is lovely, she really does get individual attention and the nursery has a good Ofsted rating. However, I am becoming increasingly aware that the nursery does not provide enough for her needs. It's a very small space, small outside space as well, they never go out so the children are kept in there for the whole day, every day, month after month, playing with the same toys, reading the same old books etc. I simply know that this environment is not stimulating enough for her. I don't blame them - the nursery is competitively priced, but it's just that while it was fine when she was younger, now I really think she needs more. She is up at 7am and doesn't go to bed until 11pm which to me is a sign of under-stimulation (no naps during day time either).

I was on a waiting list for another nursery (an expensive one, triple the price of the current nursery) and now a space has become available. That nursery has a lot more on offer, children go out to "forest school", local playgrounds etc, and have a range of structured activities in the nursery as well for which dedicated staff comes in (such as music, yoga etc). The staff looked lovely as well when I visited so overall a good feeling.

The question is: should I move her? Take her away from familiar environment and her friends, only to move on again in September when she'll be starting reception? It took her nearly a year to settle in her current nursery, and she was selectively mute for nearly a year to everyone there to the point that the nursery staff alerted me that she might have speech delays (I knew it wasn't the case, she speaks fine with elaborate sentences at home, but chooses not to speak to anyone else who is not part of her comfort zone). She has only now started to come out of her shell at the nursery and is talking to her friends and some of the adults (but will refuse to talk to new staff, for example).

DH is strictly against moving her. He thinks that her emotional wellbeing will be so affected by the shock of the change that any advantage from the extra activities will be minimal.
But I just can't bear the thought of her being "parked" in that tiny space for another 9 months - and 9 months is a long time for young children, they develop so quickly. I am one of those mums who is torn apart between children and career, and I very much feel that I have to ensure the best possible care for her during the daytime when I cannot look after her myself since I am working. I am even prepared to pay the much more expensive fee of the other nursery - to be honest I could not have afforded it for much longer than the 9 months she would be attending it.

Any insights much appreciated, thank you in advance!

OP posts:
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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/11/2020 20:45

Educationally the offer is the same
jannier I fully appreciate there are good and bad nurseries just like good and bad childminders but do childMinders tend to do the reception ready type classes and start the phonic/ counting understanding ?

Wispygypsy · 24/11/2020 20:47

Can you do, say, 2 days a week at the new nursery? Then she will have the old one as her comfort zone and be able to get new experiences with the new one. If the new one works well for her, move her to 5 days?

mooncakes · 24/11/2020 20:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Educationally the offer is the same jannier I fully appreciate there are good and bad nurseries just like good and bad childminders but do childMinders tend to do the reception ready type classes and start the phonic/ counting understanding ?
Yes, it's exactly the same curriculum. Though I'm not sure what a "reception ready class" is.
glitterelf · 24/11/2020 20:49

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I certainly prepare my mindees so they are school ready.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 24/11/2020 20:55

I don't understand how the nursery could get a Good rating if the children don't go outside. Children should be out as much as possible. Could you raise the issue with the nursery manager before deciding to move your DD?

user1493494961 · 24/11/2020 20:55

I would leave her where she is because of her problems settling. I do think her bedtime needs sorting, 11.00 pm is a ridiculous time for a 3 year old to go to bed, I can't believe it's all down to under-stimulation at nursery.

Dawnofanewera · 24/11/2020 20:57

I would move her. I moved DD 4 months before starting reception as her old nursery didn't reopen once covid restrictions were lifted. She was absolutely fine and loved the new nursery made friends quickly and still talks about them now even though she has moved on to school. Barely remembers the names of the friends from the old nursery. They are so adaptable at this age. Go for the more stimulating option your DD will be so happy - outdoor space and stimulation is essential for their brain development

noscoobydoodle · 24/11/2020 21:10

My DD went to a similar nursery to your existing one and I also debated moving her but she is quite an anxious child. In the end we left her at nursery, as she liked it, but over the summer before starting school she attended the holiday club run by the school wraparound provider half the week which helped a smooth transition when she started school. My younger DD went to a different nursery with more outdoor provision, forest school etc. To be honest there wasn't much difference between my DDs in terms of school readiness and both girls seemed to equally enjoyed nursery. On the sleep front, my younger DD needs much less sleep than her older sister despite getting the benefit of much more outside time at nursery, and is still the same now they are both at school so a change of nursery might not make any difference there.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 24/11/2020 21:22

@Indecisivelurcher

I would think about setting yourself up best for school in Sept. Is there a preschool attached to the school you will probably choose? Or if not then which nursery is most likely to set her up with friends that she'll move on to school with?
All three of my children went to a preschool attached to the school that they attended. They were confident when it was time to move "up" to kindergarten. They knew the teachers by sight and they knew their way around the building. My granddaughter was moved three times to three different preschools in search of "better" by her mother. She ended up having to repeat her first year of school because she had gaps in her basic skills from changes in curriculum.
carly2803 · 24/11/2020 21:43

normally i am a "yes,move for the "better" nursery" type. But on this occasion, I would wait it out = sorry!

its a huge risk, if shes miserable at the new one,9 months is a very long time, then she starts school.

i wanted to move my youngest to a school nursery, but frankly the one we used was fabulous and didnt. Would have made my life easier but it isnt about me

kids are happy with routine, use the weekends or go part timeif you feel bad.

Action on a weekend!thats how we roll!

carly2803 · 24/11/2020 21:43

normally i am a "yes,move for the "better" nursery" type. But on this occasion, I would wait it out = sorry!

its a huge risk, if shes miserable at the new one,9 months is a very long time, then she starts school.

i wanted to move my youngest to a school nursery, but frankly the one we used was fabulous and didnt. Would have made my life easier but it isnt about me

kids are happy with routine, use the weekends or go part timeif you feel bad.

Action on a weekend!thats how we roll!

sickandtired23 · 24/11/2020 22:25

Hi everyone, thank you all very much for your replies and suggestions.
Just to clarify, what I meant by not going outside is they don't go on trips or venture into the world like some other nurseries do. The current nursery does have its own small outside space so they do get time outside but in that tiny space, not very much to do there!
Also re: sleeping, maybe I did exaggerate a bit, it's more like 9:30-10pm till she's asleep. Still too late for a child her age I think, I try to bring her to bed earlier but she's just not tired!

OP posts:
jannier · 25/11/2020 00:22

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Yes a childminder does school readiness in the same way as a nursery although you seem confused about what that means. All my children go straight to reception missing nursery and have no issues school have been very happy with their readiness and comment on how well they settle I also have senco training and have done referals and EHCPs exactly as a nursery would.

ClaireP20 · 25/11/2020 00:27

9 to 5.30 is such a long day! Bloody hell OP, can't you reduce your hours a bit! Sorry but she must come home, wolf something doen and go to bed! If you can afford to pay TRIPLE childcare costs, I would argue you can work a bit less and have the poor mite with you! You're worried about outdoor space when you hardly see her? Priorities skewed...

Enough4me · 25/11/2020 00:29

I wouldn't move a child who may suffer from anxiety and has friends in her group, because you feel she needs more stimulation. Unless you have more significant concerns?

Lindtnotlint · 25/11/2020 00:29

Leave her where she is. The risk of triggering mutism/anxiety flare up isn’t worth it for the time between now and reception.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 25/11/2020 00:44

@ClaireP20

9 to 5.30 is such a long day! Bloody hell OP, can't you reduce your hours a bit! Sorry but she must come home, wolf something doen and go to bed! If you can afford to pay TRIPLE childcare costs, I would argue you can work a bit less and have the poor mite with you! You're worried about outdoor space when you hardly see her? Priorities skewed...
No, thats a pretty normal day for the kids I look after as a childminder. Infact most are with me at least an hour longer than that.
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 25/11/2020 00:47

I don't think I would move her unless ut was to be at a nursery with children she would definitely move on to school with. Considering she struggled so much to settle, I wouldn't want to rock the boat and have 2 big moves in the space of 9 months, jt could set her back quite a bit. They do have outdoor space, it doesn't need to be a big space.

SMaCM · 25/11/2020 10:50

I think with her confidence issues it might be better to leave her where she has settled, so she becomes confident about being around people other than family before going to school.

WindblowingSW · 25/11/2020 10:56

Don't move in my opinion.

FFS she is 3. Trips are a no really at the moment anyways etc

So no.

At that age you buy your kids a nice toy and all they want to do is play with the box.

I left mine from 8am to 6pm as I HAD to -ex was a pig and as we split up he refused to help. Never ever would I do it -if I didn't have to.

I aim to be available in 10 -20 years for my own kids -I'll be nearly 60 -

1starwars2 · 25/11/2020 10:57

I think your after school childcare and holiday plan is relevant here. Is there an opportunity to get her used to this care?

jannier · 25/11/2020 12:07

@GeorgiaGirl52

Are you in the UK? The eyfs applies to all children up to the end of reception year and does not require a 3 or 4 year old to know reading writing or maths as its play based....some maybe able to of course but not a requirement...instead it is more readiness to learn thoes skills....listening, fine motor control, independence, sharing turn taking etc. Why would a child be held back at such a young age? Even if they haven't developed thoes skills you wouldn't punish a child but look for an explanation....hopefully we'll before.
All my 4 year olds except for one with sen have learned to write names, listen to sounds (stage 1) understand concept of number etc....but thats a bonus to what 8s expected on entering reception

Catmummy5 · 27/11/2020 17:09

I agree that young children need outdoors.
We spend every day outside.
OnlyFoolsnMothers
Soft play really isn't necessary though nice for a treat.

FestiveChristmasLights · 27/11/2020 17:14

So she does go outside, it’s just she doesn’t do trips or forest school? I wouldn’t move her.

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