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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny request - is this fair?

27 replies

JADS · 03/08/2020 19:37

We have an after school nanny for one of our DS 2 days per week. He is 9, has LD and attends a special school. We are on our 2nd nanny with him and it is tricky to find someone for 8 hours a week.

Our nanny's daughter is starting school soon and she has asked that she has her at our home for 1-2 hours per day. Her child is lovely and with the Covid issues we have been flexible about her bringing her along. However there is part of me that thinks that she is no longer a sole charge nanny and I will be subsidising her childcare by agreeing to this.

Can we ask that she accepts a wage reduction for the hours her daughter is with us? Or do I just have to suck it up as it is so difficult to find after school care for DS? (We have a 2nd DS who goes to a childminder because we felt that DS1 needed more 1:1 attention after school)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/08/2020 20:07

How long has nanny been with you

Was childcare /bringing own child ever mentioned

I feel nwoc should take a little pay cut as they aren’t giving your child 100% and 2) the nanny doesn’t have to pay for childcare

Saying all that , if ds is happy her being there and it’s only 1-2 hrs twice a week (assume it’s 2 x 4hrs for nanny)

And it’s a hard role to fill. I would prob let it go but mention you are happy 1-2hrs but not the whole time

What would happen in holidays ?

BaseDrops · 03/08/2020 20:23

Is she taking DS to collect her child? If so how much time will be taken up by her school run? What would he be doing otherwise?

I’d not be keen as you are paying for your other child to go to childcare to give DS1 1:1 time. But if you had to id want a reduction, a trial period and an end date.

Elouera · 03/08/2020 20:28

What does she do when her daughter is sick and staying home from school? Does the nanny cancel on you, or does she have a partner/other family member to help?

Thriceisnice · 03/08/2020 20:30

If I were considering this, my thoughts would be around the inpact on the service that you pay her for. Is the arrangement going to benefit your son, for instance the social interaction with a you her child may be good for him. Would he enjoy her company. Would the arrange take no difference. Or will it be to his detriment. I would make my decision based on that.

Fedup21 · 03/08/2020 20:33

Where has the nanny’s daughter been during those hours previously?

2kool4skool · 03/08/2020 20:38

I had a NWOC and realised that there was time where I was paying someone to do homework with her child while mine watched TV, and I could have had that for free of course. Personally I found it noisy, disruptive and annoying it that’s just me! I’d never consider it again. Also if your kid has activities or suchlike after school, what does N do with OC then? Hang about and wait? Not ideal for anyone as you then paying for both the nanny and the activity or you never let your kid do activities after school as N doesn’t want to shift hours as has own child in tow etc. Personally I found it plagued with problems.

2kool4skool · 03/08/2020 20:39

Should add I put up with it due to being difficult to find after school nanny so yes bear that in mind!

2bazookas · 03/08/2020 20:51

Surely its lovely for your son to have his own special playmate every day; what a great social experience for him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/08/2020 20:53

@Fedup21 I’m Assuming Nursery and obv sept starts school

Or a newish job and before child was with nanny or partner

JaJaDingDong · 03/08/2020 20:54

All the questions above, plus - are you paying over the going rate so that your child can have dedicated 1:1 care? If so I think a reduction would be reasonable.

If you're paying a similar rate as that for your other child, to a childminder who has more than one child, then I don't think a reduction is in order.

Original poster

JADS · 03/08/2020 21:36

All good questions, I will attempt to answer.

I think we pay the top end of the going rate for an after school nanny. I could be wrong, but our previous nanny was cheaper. Our CM is cheap (1/3 of the cost) as we have been with her for years. DS1 can go to her if there are issues such as kids sickness. He just can't cope there week in week out which is a pity. I agree that the set up seems insane, but I need to pay for back up due to my job.

Nanny had been with us for less than a year and had 3 months off on full pay over Covid (didn't furlough because in hindsight, I am an idiot, but there you go). This may be clouding my judgement on this.

As I said, her daughter is lovely and they get on well. I don't have a problem with being flexible in emergencies with her coming along but every day feels like a piss take. Nanny has a big network of local family whereas we have no one.

During the holidays, we pay whole day rates (ie a cheaper hourly rate) so I don't mind her daughter coming along if she asks. We are lucky that he can attend an excellent play scheme so we use that for part of the holidays, plus my husband and I get enhanced annual leave which we use judicially.

I pay for her from my son's DLA, money that is his and we fought hard to get, so again this clouds my judgement.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/08/2020 12:42

Where are you and what do you pay

After school only is often more costly

Why didn’t your furlough nanny ? It was all over the news. No reason why you paid her out of own pocket

BaseDrops · 04/08/2020 21:03

I think your flexibility over the holidays has led to the new request. You need to decide what you want. Pay cut and accept shared care or no and 1:1.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 04/08/2020 21:11

I think if you say no she will just leave and then you will have no childcare at all.

Given how hard it is to get good childcare, especially as this is your 2nd nanny, I would just suck it up because otherwise it will lead to lots of hassle and disruption for you and your child. That would be worse for both of you than you feeling you are being used, unpleasant though that is.

RedCatBlueCat · 04/08/2020 21:35

Can you reduce her pay by not giving payrises/bonuses rather than cutting it in absolute terms?
If she is going to be hard to replace, think hard before doing something to get her to move. I would think the market for afterschool nannies will explode in September, as other childcare options are restricted.

ireallyamthewalrus · 05/08/2020 21:21

What do you want to happen? Do you want her to carry on with sole charge of your DS and her daughter be cared for elsewhere? Or do you want to pay a little less, help the nanny our a bit and allow her daughter to come along?

I would decide what you’d like to happen and then tell the nanny. It’s not unreasonable of her to ask but that doesn’t mean you have to say yes. You are her employer after all.

ChateauMargaux · 08/08/2020 15:12

You are in a tough situation and you clearly see that your feelings are influenced over your decision to pay full wage during lockdown, the hard fought DLA money and the needs of your child. Don't be any harder on yourself than you need to be.

Maybe sit her down and talk to her. Explain that your son needs 1:1 and that his DLA pays for this. Say that you understand how difficult it is juggling work and childcare as well as how difficult it is to find someone to cover these limited hours.

Would reducing her pay, make this an acceptable solution for you really? Or would it just be giving him something slightly better than the situation at the child minders but not really what he needs.

It will be a challenge to change nanny again as well as to find someone new.

What do you know about her personal situation and the likelihood of her finding suitable work, especially now her own child will be at school? ie, Is she likely to find a school hours job or a 2 day a week job where she will earn more and still not loose too much time with her daughter.

Difficult to find all this out while not showing all your cards.

Maybe talk to her and ask for a compromise.. two days where her daughter comes and in return she comes an hour earlier on the other 2 days and prepares a family meal for you all or other such lightening the load work.

Tsubasa1 · 08/08/2020 15:15

YABU

morriseysquif · 08/08/2020 15:24

If you had a childminder you wouldn't pay less because she had her own child.

Suck it up and dont be so mean. Not everything is about money.

islerunner · 08/08/2020 15:29

If you decided to get a nanny based on the fact your son requires 1:1 care, then surely the nanny brining her daughter means he is no longer getting the 1:1 care he needs.

Lindy2 · 08/08/2020 15:33

The limited hours and your son's additional needs does mean you would have a limited number of people actually doing this work.

If your current nanny decides to leave you may find replacing her potentially quite tricky. Are you willing to risk that?

If she does a good job, your son is happy with her and gets on with her daughter, then I would suggest being flexible with this. You might end up cutting off your nose to spite your face.

nicky7654 · 08/08/2020 15:39

I don't see an issue. Why are you making it one? If your not happy get another Nanny. Simple.

mumwon · 08/08/2020 15:46

your dc may (would I suggest if he likes the other dc) benefit from having a dc who is empathetic &whom he likes. You have already gone through other forms or childcare which either worked or lasted & continuity of care is important & your dc building relationships with the child carer (her daughter to)
the big question is - does your ds enjoy the company & is the other dc causing any harm to his happiness or safety. I can tell you as a ex - cm that you are very aware of boundaries & that your dc has to accept the other dc (ds aged 4 fell over in a mother & toddler group & got (another!) big bump on head - I am afraid my first comment was "thank goodness it wasn't X" ds comment (he was v forward with language!& managed irony from v early on!) "thanks mum" )

breatheinskipthegym · 08/08/2020 16:45

Aside from all of the very good questions and scenarios others have raised, if you have a DS that attends a CM so your other DS can benefit from 1:1 attention, then that suggests to me that NWOC is not suitable for you. If your DS should not share the attention of his nanny with his own brother, he’s not going to get the benefit of sharing his nanny with her own child.

You identified he needed 1:1 care, you got him 1:1 care - stay focussed on the needs of your child, the money issue is a distraction from the suitability of the arrangement.

Othering · 21/08/2020 07:58

@nicky7654

I don't see an issue. Why are you making it one? If your not happy get another Nanny. Simple.

You don't see an issue? How about the one where the op paid for her own child to go to childcare so that her other child could have 1 to 1 care but this is not now happening because the nanny is bringing her own child with her.

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