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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Employers of live in nannies and live in nannies tell me about your weekly shop

28 replies

AIBUweeklyshop · 27/09/2007 16:56

okay, I think I probably am being a mean old bat... or am I? My nanny has put on the grocery list some boxes of frozen ready meals for herself. jars of sauce... basically convenience foods that I generally cut out of my own grocery bill because it is cheaper to cook fom scratch. And I think it's a bit cheeky. I work 55 hours a week and manage to cook my food from scratch. Why can't she? I just think it's lazy.

But, then I wonder if I'mbeing mean. You know, a frozen meal here and there really isn't THAT expensive. I think it's more about the principle that she spends a good part of the day in the house yet expects not to have to cook.

Is she taking the piss, or am I a whitch?

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Original poster

AIBUweeklyshop · 27/09/2007 16:57

witch

OP posts:

BradfordMum · 27/09/2007 16:59

I'm afraid that I'm all for ease!
If she's busy cooking a ameal from scratch, then she can't be looking after your kiddy/kiddies!
I can cook basic foods, but if I want anything remotely edible that's differen, then it comes out of a box, jar or tin!

lornaloo · 27/09/2007 16:59

Jesus..you work 55 hours a week! Your wonder woman..

I hate ready meals too. What does she make for your lo? Doesnt she eat what they eat?

Maybe she just likes ready meals.

ggglimpopo · 27/09/2007 17:13

I keep reading this as 'live' nannies, for some reason!

I once had a mothers help who I sacked after a trial month for a number of reasons, but one thing that irked me senseless was her weekly bloody shopping list that read something like:

Soap (LUX, PINK)
Cheese (Cheddar, mature, not with coloured rind)
Lamb chops (2)
etc ad nauseum....

Then she would write her name in capital letters on everything that was "hers" in the fridge. This all came about as she was very smelly and we had a "little talk" and she said the reason that she had hygiene difficulties was that we didn't use 'real soap', such as lux, so I said 'If there is anything you need, we can just add it on to the weekly shop.

It all ended in tears a couple of weeks later.

YABU if it is the odd thing for her to eat here and there. YANBU if you are spending more on her than the rest of you!

Issy · 27/09/2007 17:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

Squiffy · 27/09/2007 17:28

YANBU. tell her you have ethical issues with the shite they put in this stuff and that it will set the kids a bad example and move on.

You will however have only yourself to blame if her next list specifies "organic, hand raised, corn-fed plump chickens raised within a 5 mile radius"....

Original poster

AIBUweeklyshop · 27/09/2007 17:34

The ready meals are for her. For example, when she makes the children things that I have specified she make once a week, but she does not like, then she asked me to get her a ready meal on those nights so she doesn't them have to cook another meal herself. Now if I make this particular food for the kids (whic I also don't care for) I still manage to whip up myself a plate of pasta minus the said igredient.

But, having said they are for her, it won't be long before the little AIBU wants ready meals as well if she always has them... and that is definitely not on.

OP posts:

bossykate · 27/09/2007 17:34

lol at squiffy

i think you are a little unreasonable. i like issy's idea.

ggglimpopo · 27/09/2007 17:34

Issys idea of a weekly budget for her may well work. Twenty quid or something to cover all her extras.

Original poster

AIBUweeklyshop · 27/09/2007 17:37

I buy the groceries. God only knows what the bill would look like if I let her (or DH) buy them. And our fridge/freezer is not big enough for everyone to start buying their own supply of food. And that is actually another part of the problem. If everyone has frozen meals in the freezer there will be no room for frozen veg, meat, dessert, etc.

OP posts:

ggglimpopo · 27/09/2007 17:39

Hmm. Tell her that. Or say you will buy a couple a week, full stop.

bossykate · 27/09/2007 17:50

i think you are being rather controlling. as long as you set a spending limit, and she doesn't give ready meals to the children (or eat them in front of them) surely it's up to her?

bossykate · 27/09/2007 17:52

i like cooking and am a competent cook - but i really have to be in the mood to cook anything in the evening - dh normally does the evening cooking in our house.

Millarkie · 27/09/2007 17:59

I haven't had a live in nanny but did have similar problems with a live out nanny. I would stock kitchen with healthy food, and she would go to local supermarket and buy their special offer 3 for £5 frozen rubbish (eg. party food like chicken satay, garlic mushrooms - all cheap fillers and salt).
She would say that it was just for her..but wasn't too long before she started feeding it to my children ...including the chicken satay..to my Vegetarian children.

If she is eating with the children she should be setting them a good example and eating real food. If she is eating the ready meals in the evening when she is off duty that is not so bad (one of my nannies would eat lunch with the children but liked her evening meal later so would sit with them and chat instead).

nannynick · 27/09/2007 18:23

I don't think as an employer of live in domestic staff, you are able to specify what a staff member eats while they are off duty.

However, as space within the fridge/freezer is at a premium, unless your nanny wishes to buy their own fridge-freezer and have it sitting in their bedroom (not nice, I live in a studio flat and it's hard sleeping with a fridge-freezer in the same room), then they will need to make some compromises.

Therefore how about allocating some space in the freezer for nannies use, say to hold two frozen ready meals - if necessary use a large sized tupperware box to allocate the space. Then if nanny chooses to fill that space with ready meals, rather than some nice frozen yogart / icecream, that is their choice.

ScummyMummy · 27/09/2007 18:42

I would leave if I couldn't eat what I wanted within reason. Think you need to ease up a little if you want her to stay, tbh.

NannyL · 27/09/2007 18:50

tbh i think yuo are being very unreasonable.

I think that the fact she lives in means that she is paid less than a daily nanny to account for the food etc.

Therefore to deny her a ready meal or jar of pasta sauce is way OTT IMO

OK... you work 55 hours and 'manage' because its an issue that is important to YOU... I assume as YOU work 55 hours in order to cover your work time AND commute your nanny must work even longer hours than you....

and maybe after cooking lunch and dinner and probably breakfast for YOUR children (which yes ofcourse is her job) i completley understand that she doesnt want to do it for a FOURTH time that day... and then clean up the kitchen AGAIN etc

She is not asking for smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels for breakfast, and roast duck or fillet steak every day for dinner.... she wants a jar of pasta sauce for goodnes sake, or a meal to just stick in the microwave and eat, after a long long day with the children

I actually think its VERY out of order to deny her these things.... especially as she obviously isnt going to feed them to your children (If she was then fair enough, you can choose what they eat) but i dont think its fair to dictate like that what your nanny eats to be honest

omega2 · 27/09/2007 21:49

when i lived in i used to eat with the children during the week and at weekends would do my own thing or eat with the family. I never really asked for anything out of the ordinary but there was usually the odd jar of sauce in the house anyway. I also had a fridge in my room which i would keep stocked with my goodies and milk etc

Original poster

AIBUweeklyshop · 28/09/2007 09:06

I'm not talking at all about meals she has on her own time. I'm talking about meals she sits down and eats with the children.

The food she doesn't like is the fish I ask her to give the kids. So, if she makes say pasta is it really so much to think she could make the pasta or whatever meal, then add fish to theirs and chicken to hers.

I'm not completely opposed to jars. The problem is there is no room in my cupboars for jar because they are packed full of other food which appears to be too much effort to cook. I'm talking things like sauce packets which just require mixing with milk and heating in a sauce pan. Add some veg, meat (optional), and pasta and voila meal complete. Is this really so difficult? I just don't understand what the difficulty is. One sauce pan and pasta pan and big spoon to clean up. Is that more than other nannies manage?

I have found in the past that if the nanny or DH are set free with the grocery list the house is full of junk food and convience ready made junk. And the cosf of the groceries is easily £200-£250per week. That is not in my budget. £150 tops. And if it mean you have to use a sauce packet and boild your own pasta, hey, I can do it, why can't you?

Maybe I'm unusually hard working... or maybe it's because it's MY money. Whatever happened to the rule that it's okay to expect the nanny to do the things that I am willing to do myself?

Having said all this, I think I will buy her a couple of ready meals each week. But, also make it clear that i expect her to clear through much of the existing ingredients / packets already in the cupboard.

We have other issues with general tidiness around the house. Last night I walkedinto a living room covered in shredded paper that I guess she thought she didn't need to clean up. I have to chase after her to do the laundry, tidy the kitchen, and so on. She is good inother areas and I am on the whole happy with her. So, I guess I'm going to hae to choose my battles. And while this does irritate me, I'm going to focus on improving more important things... like not sending the children to school in wrinkled uniforms.

OP posts:

nannynick · 29/09/2007 00:57

Sauce packets - yuck! Making Cheese sauce, plain sauce to mix fish in with, or tomato sauce is easy.
As a nanny I tend to eat what the children eat. If I didn't like something, I would remove that ingredient from my portion.
Perhaps something to consider is doing weekly menus (this can help with budgeting, plus nanny can plan in advance when an ingredient may need substituting, if it's not possible to separate that ingredient at the point of presentation).

vixma · 29/09/2007 01:15

It is her choice what she eats, so your not being a which, however she maybe too tierd to cook or she just likes to treat. I have to add however it is really kind and thoughtful you provide her food as not all employees do so fair play!

vixma · 29/09/2007 01:17

Sorry about the poor spelling, I have just finished a 11 hour shift so I can spell...just not today.

NannyL · 29/09/2007 09:28

vixma.... absoultely its IS completely normal and expected for employers of live in nannies to be provided with food... hence their reduced pay compared to daily nannies

Im a daily nanny and i always eat with the children (EXACTLY what they eat). Even daily nannies will normally have lunch, snacks a beverages as part of their contract

If you look at any nanny contracts you will see the section about food being provided

NannyL · 29/09/2007 09:29

sorry doesnt read right.... should say it IS expected for employers to provide their live-in nannies with food

(while on AND off duty)

StarryStarryNight · 29/09/2007 09:41

I agree with NannyL, well said.

I have an aupair. I have always made a point with all my aupairs to find out what they like to eat and ensure we have it in the house. Even one who preferred croissants and sweet buns for breakfast. (It was not long though, before she was on the cereals with the rest of us.)

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