My au pair manhandled my dog.... is it gross misconduct?

[MissionImplausible]

We have a camera in the house to keep an eye on the dog whilst we are at work. It's been off for a week or so but I put it back on today and it caught my au pair kicking our dog to get her out of her bed for a wee and then, when the dog didn't move, grabbing her by the collar to lift her clean off her feet and throwing her outside!!!

The au pair has been with us for over a year and knows about the camera but not that it was working again.

I am disgusted and want her out of my house straight away for what I see as gross misconduct - how can I trust her with my child (who is 10yrs old?) BUT a colleague who is playing devils advocate is suggesting a final warning is more appropriate as she has been with us for so long and we've not experienced this before (although perhaps it happens away from the doggy cam?)

Any opinions?

Well done. Despite being livid along with everyone, I’m glad you booked the b&b for her. You’re a good person and I hope you all find a lovely, animal friendly au pair soon.

Alexa it's probably not that 'some people are trying to minimise animal cruelty' as much as I, given that I think I am the only one that has raised this- recognise that huge numbers of the world's population do not perceive a dog or a cat to be a family member.

I am not judging those that do - it's increasingly 'our way'. My gor-rest-her-soul, mum, b 1930s rural Devon, would readily have swiped a cat off a dining room table, or a bed, would have hoiked a recalcitrant dog out of its bed, with a foot, to do its business.

Maybe the au pair comes from a culture that does not equate a pet's 'rights' with that of a child? Like most of the world doesn't. (cf 'What if it was your child she did that to?'). As you believe she should not separate the rights accordable to a child to that of a dog, because that is your, and our, expectation.

You need an English au pair!

@Miljea - it’s a really relevant point but she is from the same country as me so it’s not an excuse in this case.

Luckily she was going to be our last au pair and we’d all agreed that she’d leave us in May (hence the part time job). She doesn’t want to go to her home country otherwise I would have given her a flight. :)

Well done op. You did the right thing.

No, her being from the same country as you isn't an excuse. Or vice versa.

I live in a country where some people think ripping a fox apart for sport is okay. Sending terriers down a hole to flush out panicked badgers, to kill, is okay. To kidnap cats off streets to use as bait for fighting dogs is okay.

Being of one nationality is somewhat neither here nor there. Unless you want to tell us what. So we can judge. Based on stereotypes.

Milijea, I think op meant she’s from a country which doesn’t have a less animal-friendly culture, which op knows because it’s also op’s home country

We can guess, but we don't know. I can't see where the OP has made any comment about her country's 'animal friendliness'! Unless I've missed something!

Even if she stated it, it may well be meaningless. As I have already said, social background, expectations, ranks of expectation, within a country plays a part.

The ma'am will have a fussy little lap dog. No one dares upset it. Meanwhile, her hunt master is thrashing the hell out of a recalcitrant beagle in the corner of a stable.

All culturally acceptable, if she's English.

My gor-rest-her-soul, mum, b 1930s rural Devon, would readily have swiped a cat off a dining room table, or a bed, would have hoiked a recalcitrant dog out of its bed, with a foot, to do its business.

Then, regardless of culture or generation or whatever, she was violent. I remember my parents (in their 70s, working-class, no-nonsense) certainly using the flat of a hand to push a cat so it got off a table, or lifting the dog bodily out of its bed and onto its feet, but not 'swiping' or kicking.

And I don't buy for a second that handling animals that way means equating a pet's rights with that of a child; it just means not using unnecessary physical force. You just don't kick small animals

If this was a “ cultural “ thing, then the Op / husband/ child would have seen this behaviour many times before during the year that the Op has worked for them.

But they haven’t, because she has not done it in front of them. She only does it out of sight. That indicates that she knows it’s wrong , or at the very least that they would not allow it.

No, she wasn't 'violent', she just expected that an animal knew its place.

She behaved absolutely no different to anyone else I knew of in regard to household animals!

Am amused at how you've conflated 'hoik' with 'kick' 😂

And said cats fought each other to sit on her lap as close to her neck, purring like steam trains every night, so abused did they feel.....