HELP! Negative childminder.

[VictoriaB02]

I started back at work 2 weeks ago and my 10 month old DS is with the childminder 3 days a week (today is day 6).

The first day when I went to collect him the childminder stated he had been really clingy and she couldn't put him down all day which was challenging for her with other kids. He is only really like this with me when he isn't feeling well.

Every day when we collect him she states that he has been really clingy and upset. When I collected him yesterday she said that she has hurt her shoulder having to cary him around so much and she can't even take the other kids to the bathroom without him having a melt down.

Today he was dropped off and hadn't been there for an hour before I got a message saying he had been really needy.

She has asked if I will stop picking him up when he gets upset to make it easier for her and she is going to leave him to cry rather than picking him up as well.

I feel like she is so negative and I have to remind myself that he is only 10 months old and it's common for them to go through separation anxiety at this stage however he is absolutely fine at home. It's making me feel so guilty and like I have done something wrong as a parent to make him be this way.

I don't know whether he will be better suited at a nursery where there are more people around to distract him. Anyone any advice?

Get bubba out of that situation ASAP and into nursery.
Just read she quit. Good. Sounds like the right decision all round.

I'm sorry you've had this experience with a CM but please don't let her lack of experience/ professionalism put you off CMs in general.

I don't understand posters above saying that nursery is better for DC with separation anxiety. DC who are feeling insecure need more love not less. A child bonding with a CM isn't going to make them clingy, it'll make them feel safe!

I've used both CMs and a brilliant nursery. My personal opinion is that a CM's home environment with a consistent adult present instead of a team of adults and so many other DC is more appropriate for babies and very young children. But obviously it depends on what's available to you locally.

Impacting her health 🙄

Thi sounds like she did you a favour. She isn’t the right cm for you and your child

@wakemewhenitsallover.
What your saying matches all the research well said. Children become self confident from a warm stable bond ....the key worker system was a attempt by legislation to get this bond but in many nurseries it's not worked and just become a who does the paperwork split rather than the person who takes your child in, cares for them most of the day, comforts when feeling sad and hands over at home time.

She sounds like a shit child minder! Hope you find someone more willing to try and bond with your baby x

Babies do not learn to fuss less by being left to cry. They learn that they need to fuss more to get attention or worse they learn that nobody will meet their needs however hard they try. This in turn if severe enough has been shown to literally alter the way a baby's brain develops and leave them more open to emotional, behavioural and psychiatric issues in future. If this was my child I would remove them from this CM and tell them to learn about attachment and then justify why she's asking you to abandon your baby in order to make her life easier. Your baby's job at 10MO is to NEED their cargiver and to relish in having their undivided attention. Once they've recieved this only then will they learn to play and negotiate the world in a healthy and independent way. You're absolutely right to not be happy about this CM's attitude and it's probably a good thing your child will need to find another carer TBH. Please don't stop giving your baby cuddles etc. YOU CAN'T SPOIL A CHILD WITH LOVE xx

Just out of interest, what area do you live?

I’m a childminder and know very well that at 10 months the child will quickly identify me as their safety and be very clingy for a while.

This is part of a very normal process and it would ease very much over the coming weeks, I’ve been through it so many times where I will virtually be sat with baby on my lap the whole day. It’s to be expected.

This CM doesn’t seem experienced and is doing nothing to reassure you, also making you feel bad for something out of your control whilst also making you worry for your baby with her complaining tone.

Yes she should let you know exactly what’s going on but reassure you too that it’s perfectly normal.