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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

How do people do it?

46 replies

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 22:56

So I've had years of paying out childcare when my son was younger. He is now of school age and is now in year 1.

My finances have took a hit and paying for childcare now, even with getting help due to being a lone parent and a low earner just isn't affordable at all. I am left with a few pounds at the end of each month if I'm lucky.

I've had to rely on my parents for school holidays before but it is always held against me, which to be honest really upsets me. They never ask to have my son any time throughout the year, it's only when I ask for help during the school holidays. But I'm getting fed up now being made to feel I am a user and take advantage. For perspective other than some time during the school holidays I am either at work or with my son. I have no social like and with attitudes like my parents I'm not allowed one as they say he is 'my child'.

So I'm just wondering what others do during school holidays. Luckily I get the Xmas break off, but none of the others and only get 18 days to book a year as annual leave. So it's never going to cover it. Holiday clubs are coming up at £25 plus a day and half days are obviously half that but the times are when I am meant to be in work. I really wish I could stop having to ask my parents for help because they make me feel so horrible for needing it but at the moment it doesn't look like I will be able to.

What do others do?

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Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 22:58

By the comment other than the school holidays, I am referring to the fact that I am with my son all other times

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RagingBall · 20/12/2019 23:03

Can you do swaps with other parents - you have their child (or 2+) for a couple of days, then they have yours?
Some churches run much cheaper (£5/day) morning holiday clubs, or sport holiday clubs come up cheaper where I live (15/day).
Can you work flexibly/from home during the holidays?
I'm guessing DC's dad can't/won't help out practically/financially?

Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:12

His Dad has had no contact for 4 years so I get no help from him or his family.
In terms of other parents they are in the same boat but all have family who willingly help all year round.
I would love to change my work pattern but the business just couldn't accommodate it.
Grandparents are the obvious option. I wouldn't mind but he is no problem at all. I still provide everything and if they take him out which they never want to do, I always pay. They just sit around the house and he will colour of build things. My parents never go out so it isn't like helping is forcing them to give up plans as they never do anything.

It's really got to me tonight. I've looked at care options before and the costs always make me feel sick. As I say even with help towards it we will be minus every month

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Ostanovka · 20/12/2019 23:13

Holiday club for £30 a day for us. Do you get tax credits for childcare costs? I also can work longer hours in the holidays as I can pick up at 5pm instead of 3pm, so I build up extra hours I can use as leave.

fedup21 · 20/12/2019 23:16

They never ask to have my son any time throughout the year, it's only when I ask for help during the school holidays. But I'm getting fed up now being made to feel I am a user and take advantage.

It sounds like they aren’t keen on being used for childcare and would rather you didn’t ask. It’s a shame, and it must upset you to see other poor with grandparents who are very different, but that’s not what you’ve got here- I suppose they aren’t the parents and have done their time with kids.

Tatty101 · 20/12/2019 23:17

Tbf, he's not their kid - maybe they want to spend their time in other ways?

Do you have any other family or can you claim CSA from the Dad to help pay childcare costs? Have you thought about looking for another more flexible job? It's not forever but it is your issue and your post seems to imply you're upset with your parents for not doing more which isnt really fair.

Good luck

fedup21 · 20/12/2019 23:20

It's really got to me tonight. I've looked at care options before and the costs always make me feel sick.

Childcare has always been expensive, your child is y1; this won’t have come as a surprise to you, surely? What’s changed now?

73Sunglasslover · 20/12/2019 23:21

As someone else suggested, child care swops with friends. That was a life saver when my kids were little. My family gave no help whatsoever.

HotPenguin · 20/12/2019 23:22

It's really difficult, even with two parents covering it. Is there any way you can increase your income. Are you getting tax credits? And does the father pay maintenance?

Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:31

No, I have parents who offer the help and then throw it in my face. I have never forced them into having him. They spend their time sat at home. They don't go out or socialise so he isn't taking any of their time away.

Yes I get tax credits. I work my sons school hours to avoid paying a childcare costs. Yes I am fully aware that childcare is expensive but when you are having to pay out nearly half of your household income on debt that my sons absent dad ran up on my name, maybe then you will understand why money is so tight. Maintenance is paid by a deduction of earnings order but this year has been paid 4 times so its unreliable

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Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:32

I am always looking for jobs but nothing that gives me enough of a salary increase to start paying for childcare.

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jannier · 20/12/2019 23:40

You may be able to find a provider...probably a cm. Who would average your holiday contract out over a year....so 14 weeks divided over 52. You pay every month and claim up to 85% back in benefits.

fedup21 · 20/12/2019 23:44

have never forced them into having him

Ok, so don’t use them-they clearly don’t really want to provide childcare. You need a plan that doesn’t involve them.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:47

The childminders local to me wanted full payment all year round for the hours he would need during holidays. This didn't seem fair paying for 35 hours care a week when he was at school tho I do understand its because the space could be given to someone else.

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Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:48

Fedup21 isn't that what I am here for? To see what others do. Thank you for making me feel shitty

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jannier · 20/12/2019 23:51

Full payment all year for a holiday only school child isnt the norm are you sure they understood the age of your lo and the hours needed? Have you tried Placing an ad on childcare.co.uk saying your looking for holiday only care for a school child hour x to y and see what response you get?

Original poster

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 23:52

I haven't but thank you for the advice. I told them my child's age so they must have known. Just kept telling me I need to pay for them to retain the space

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ChanklyBore · 20/12/2019 23:58

This sounds difficult OP, I sympathise. What I will tell you is something that surprisingly, when I was in the middle of it, didn’t actually occur to me or feel real if it did - this is a temporary problem. This isn’t meant to minimise but to support, in fewer years than you feel possible right now, you won’t need to pay these costs or call in these favours anymore. And it’s wonderful.

How I did it, as a single parent with no living parents of my own - I changed my job. I needed something that would fit my life patterns and not the other way around. I changed my working hours to five hours during the school day and 2.5 hours in the evening after bedtime, to mimic a 9-5 with a half hour lunch break. It meant I had to set up a freelance business of my own, needs must - I couldn’t earn enough in school hours only, and I couldn’t earn enough to pay bills and childcare, so I had very little choice.

I did have an emergencies childminder who was very good, but she was struggling for customers - another mother trying to make ends meet - so was able to be flexible for me.

I hope you get it sorted.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 00:05

Thank you ChanklyBore. I'm glad you found a way to make it work

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BrieAndChilli · 21/12/2019 00:09

You can claim for childcare in school holidays. Think you just add up the amount for the year and then divide by 12 to get an average amount. I’ve never claimed it so not 100%

Louise91417 · 21/12/2019 00:14

I feel for you..im in exactly same boat...sometimes i feel like a total inconvenience

Mintjulia · 21/12/2019 00:15

I didn’t have any backup at all so My ds did after school club, and holiday club for the Easter & summer holidays, and for one of the half terms. I used my annual leave to cover the rest. Council Holiday club was £35 a day booked by the day - not all year - and I cut back on everything else.
I was lucky there was a holiday club locally. It was tight but doable.
Check with your council what holiday care they provide. Offer evening baby sitting to other mums during term time in return for play dates during the holidays. Look for other mums with only children who are glad of the company.
Check with the local church, see if they offer anything.
Finally, have you tried offering to pay towards food/activities when he is at your mums? Maybe that would help.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 00:20

You've hit the nail on the head. I feel like an inconvenience. But it's the way it's rubbed in my face that I find hard.

Whenever he is at my parents I always send him with everything including his food and drinks. Whenever I suggest they go out I am mostly told they don't want to but if they end up agreeing I always pay for them no problems at all.

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Muddlingalongalone · 21/12/2019 00:23

I use holiday clubs. I find with early bird discounts of 10-15% it's around £130 per week. Also in the summer the council have a scheme which is loads cheaper (but shorter days)
Can you get childcare vouchers from work to spread the costs across the year?

lifeisgoodagain · 21/12/2019 00:48

There are really good employers who would let your child come with you in the holidays - I have my own office so they could sit there and play on a laptop/watch movies on their tablet/do workbooks and art activities or I would send them off with the volunteers cleaning or arranging flowers for an hour or two (it's a church didn't hurt them to do manual labour .) I worked school hours. Mine are grown now so it's my dog under my desk instead! My dd wants my job now!

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