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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

How do people do it?

46 replies

SpideyMom · 20/12/2019 22:56

So I've had years of paying out childcare when my son was younger. He is now of school age and is now in year 1.

My finances have took a hit and paying for childcare now, even with getting help due to being a lone parent and a low earner just isn't affordable at all. I am left with a few pounds at the end of each month if I'm lucky.

I've had to rely on my parents for school holidays before but it is always held against me, which to be honest really upsets me. They never ask to have my son any time throughout the year, it's only when I ask for help during the school holidays. But I'm getting fed up now being made to feel I am a user and take advantage. For perspective other than some time during the school holidays I am either at work or with my son. I have no social like and with attitudes like my parents I'm not allowed one as they say he is 'my child'.

So I'm just wondering what others do during school holidays. Luckily I get the Xmas break off, but none of the others and only get 18 days to book a year as annual leave. So it's never going to cover it. Holiday clubs are coming up at £25 plus a day and half days are obviously half that but the times are when I am meant to be in work. I really wish I could stop having to ask my parents for help because they make me feel so horrible for needing it but at the moment it doesn't look like I will be able to.

What do others do?

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Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 07:45

I work for a very small company of less than 20 people in total. They don't offer childcare vouchers.

On the odd occasion I have been able to take him in with me but this is extremely rare. And by able, I'm mean I take him in and my boss panics and says let's see how we go but he really shouldnt be here. And to be completely honest he is right. There are lots of risks involved where I work and health and safety would be livid.

Thanks for all advice. I'm going to start exploring my options

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 21/12/2019 07:52

Childcare vouchers don’t exist for new sign ups anyway, so you don’t need to go through your employer. Instead you need to sign up for Tax Free Childcare, which you will be entitled to. This will save you 20% immediately. Have a google.

IgnoranceIsStrength · 21/12/2019 08:13

Are there any friends mums who are teachers? I am so I help out with my sons year 1 friends if people are stuck in the holidays. In turn they have occasionally picked him up to give him a break from after school club. Definitely sign up to the tax credits as well.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 08:29

I currently help his best friends mom every week with a few pick ups or drop offs. She has already said she will help where she can but she is in the same boat too, but her family and in laws always help her and she frequently says she would be in a mess if they didn't.

I don't feel I am putting my parents out when my mom took a school job specifically to be available during the holidays. This was her choice to do and I never forced her. She never worked before that and always said she couldn't in case she needed to help, which was nonsense as he was in childcare and it was only when he was sick she helped out. But again can I stress, so I don't come across ungrateful, she chose to not work to make herself available to help with her grandchild. But from 1 years old until school age he went to a mix of childminder and a nursery so it was very little I needed to ask for her help.

It's now being turned on me, that they love to help out. But it really does hurt it constantly being thrown in my face

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PotteringAlong · 21/12/2019 08:36

Tax free childcare will save you 20% and you can pay into your account all through the year to cover holidays .

jannier · 21/12/2019 08:55

I'd do the 5ax free childcare as above. Place ads on childcare.co.uk.....you can put an ad in for say urgent childcare needed for February half term. See what comes back. Look to see if there are any registered playschemes that take the tax free.
Start a savings isa to put money aside each month.
Persevere with looking for a holiday only minder...extend the ad pur more detail in ask if anyone has ideas as someone may get back to you. Too many parents on childcare just put childminder wanted and very little info.
Ask families information for an availability list and keep calling around

Iamallatsea · 21/12/2019 09:17

Have you asked for advise about paying back the debt if so much of your income is being paid out each month? Maybe with help from the CAB or similar, our local council also offers a free financial help service, you could negotiate and reduce the payments each month which would give you more money in your pot. Not helping with your main problem of getting childcare to cover all the holidays but would give you more options.

PatricksRum · 21/12/2019 09:26

Sorry for some of the comments here OP.
Few understand the realities of being a single parent and then get bashed when they can't afford to work after childcare costs.
If you were near me I'd help! I agree with suggestion about childcare app
Actuslly, what about an au pair?

mindproject · 21/12/2019 09:34

I'm also a single parent, with no parents or backup of any description. I found a cheap nursery which dropped DD off at school and picked her up. I took all my work holidays during the school holidays, but that still left the other 8 weeks of holiday when she was in nursery. I didn't get tax credits, I spread the cost out over the year and relied on my savings a bit. Now she's a teenager and I don't need childcare anymore, which is a bit of a relief. But I haven't noticed that I have a lot more money now as her school bus fares are now expensive, school dinners are more etc.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 09:35

Thank you all.

I've already put an ad out there. And am exploring other options.

The thing is I know my Mom will be devastated by school holiday care being taken away from her, but I really am fed up of being made to feel shit for needing it. She basically offers it and once I get plans in place for example with work she will start moaning and take it away. I may be coming across inconsiderate here, but I have a small group of close friends who actually know how my parents are and are shocked how they are with throwing everything in my face.

Regarding the debt I've not got advice as its been embarrassing. The only advice I got was legally its mine so I have to pay it, which I know anyway. A massive chunk of my income gets taken up but it a month

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WrongKindOfFace · 21/12/2019 09:46

Honestly, sort out the debt. Even if you have to pay it back it can be made more affordable. Try Stepchange or the citizens advice bureau. You’re not the first and won’t be the last.

If you are getting tax credits you cannot get tax free childcare. But tax credit will help with the cost of holiday care.

If you normally work school hours can you swap to three longer days in the holidays so you only need to pay for three days of childcare?

fedup21 · 21/12/2019 09:49

If you normally work school hours can you swap to three longer days in the holidays so you only need to pay for three days of childcare?

Doesn’t she work in a school?

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 09:54

No I do not work in a school. But I work school hours. It's my mom who chose to take on a job term time only as she wanted to help in the school holidays

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Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 09:55

I've asked about making my days longer and the business took a decision that it wouldn't be possible. It's only me that does the job so I can understand this

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Iamallatsea · 21/12/2019 10:00

I would urge you to seek help with your debt(s) a free debt advice service can help you approach your creditor(s) and renegotiate lower payments, freezing interest rates or other ways to reduce your monthly payments. No need to be embarrassed they speak to people with debts, for whatever reason, all the time.
Step Change has a freephone debt advice phone line, if you would find it easier to talk to someone over the phone rather than face to face.
Do you think it would make a difference if you told your parents that you feel so guilty about having to ask for help that you are actively looking for other options?
No need to mention that the real reason is that they offer but then throw it back at you all the time.

Sleepthiefsmum18 · 21/12/2019 10:20

Honestly another one who says look at the debt. Moneysavingexpert forum is great for this. You don't need to be embarrassed because it's anonymous. You can get advice and take it or not. But it's definitely worth exploring options. It would make life so much easier all round.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 18:36

Thank you for the advice on here. Holiday only contracts aren't what I thought at all. So that's brilliant. I've always believed it to be you pay for the the place all year round. I've contacted a few local providers to me and I can book him in when I know what dates I need and pay the week before he attends. So alot better than I expected. I do get tax credits so would I work out costs and spread it over the year?

In conversation with my mom I have mentioned I am looking for alternative childcare arrangements as I don't want to feel like we are an inconvenience to them. She's actually said she is upset and loves doing it. I can't bloody win, as the taking advantage and using her comments will continue despite her saying she love having him

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Tolleshunt · 21/12/2019 19:17

She's actually said she is upset and loves doing it. I can't bloody win, as the taking advantage and using her comments will continue despite her saying she love having him

So can you point this out to her? Tell her her comments are hurtful and make you uncomfortable. Ask her why she says them if she loves having him? Ask her what conclusions she would have drawn, if she was in your shoes.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 19:32

She asked me why would I do that, which shocked me to be fully honest.

I told her I find her comments hurtful especially when it's to do with my child as I feel we are a burden. He idolises them so it will always hurt when I am made to feel like I am inconvenience to them. When I asked how would she feel in my shoes and she didn't answer and changed the subject. But that's what I expected. She only sees the negative in me but not herself

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JaJoJe · 21/12/2019 21:31

Our church runs a donation based holiday camp, I think a lot of others do too so you pay as much as you can.

Our local park had one too for £12.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 21/12/2019 23:10

The thing I find with these sorts of options around by me is the hours they. I work 8-3. And they tend to fall somewhere in the middle of that around here.
I'm feel more confident though after speaking to a few childminders. I do worry about how my son would settle now his that bit older and wouldn't know anyone. His already said it would make him sad

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