Let down by a childminder after 3 days

[Redanza]

Hi mums,
So I'm totally floored after finding the perfect minder for my baby, we had our bedding down week and I was going back to work this week on a part time easy week. I was quite ill so had extended maternity leave into illness period and am not due back to work untill Dec but in an attempt to get us both back working earlier I took 3 half days this week. The childminder agreed. So had agreed to drop baby off on Monday with her. All wasn't ideal on the first morning she was taking her own child to a class so I had to drop my child to a local community centre (who would be taking care of the baby if she's participating in a class with her own toddler) then on one of the pick up days I text her to say my other child school had called to say my other child was sick and if it was ok with her I would collect her first making me late for baby's 3pm pick up, this really annoyed her. So much so she has now said she will not be continuing to mind my baby. I now cannot return to work as planned, had planned our family holiday around her holidays and am left in the lurch. All paid for this week including hours she hadn't got my baby. Then she sends me text messages about me that were obviously meant for her husband when I text her to reconsider. She got annoyed I didn't fit around her own child schedule and hadn't the patience or the kindness to stick with me while I attempt to return to work after a long illness . Just zero compassion after 3 days just "this isn't working" and no real reason given ? How can I not take it personally.

The fact that you were late picking up on day 2 or 3 is the key here. Did you offer to pay extra for collecting late? By not sticking to the agreed times so early in the relationship, you’ve shown the childminder that you don’t value her time. She probably thought you’d end up being one of “those parents”.

It’s a mutual relationship, you and she don’t suit each other is all. That’s why you have these trial periods,

Thy first day sounds terrible why on earth would she think it's appropriate. Sounds like someone who is just doing it for the money in order to stay at home with their own child. Run a mile and be glad that you escaped early. In my experience good childminders are like gold dust and have to search far and wide to find them. There are so many terrible ones out there. Have a look at nurseries also as they are a lot more reliable

I'm assuming if you were late for a 3pm pick up and you mentioned she has the school run, would she then had to have taken your baby with her to collect her child? I can understand her annoyance, and she has a right o not want to continue something if it's unreliable and she has her own responsibilities to her child. Hopefully you can find someone who will stick with you.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape and this childminder’s prioritising her own kids and also not understanding of your responsibility to your older child and the school’s rules if they are sick. In that situation I can’t see you had any choice but to delay pick up while you collected your older child and it seems she is being inflexible.
It’s tough but better to find out now than to have it not working once you are properly back at work.

I agree you don't sound like a good fit - I don't think she's done anything wrong. Why are you concerned she wouldn't be looking after your child while hers was in a class? My. Childminder takes one of her charges to a dance class and the other 2 go with her. My daughter loves it too and she joins in a bit and has her tea while there. It's fine. Why didn't you just talk to her about it instead of just deciding she was irresponsible?

Also, yes, you were v rude to just decide you were going to be late. She probably thought if you could do it day 2,you'd be doing it every week when it suited you and you'd be 'one of those'

So let me get this right. The first time you dropped your baby off with her, she prioritised a class with her child over settling your baby in? I wouldn't be ok with that at all. I don’t think you did anything terribly wrong with collecting your baby second as a one off. However, in hindsight you should have called and asked then offered to pay extra.

She doesn’t sound like a good fit at all. Lucky escape actually. Try looking for someone, who will treat your children the same whether it be her own children or other minded children.

Being late for a 3pm pickup could have had an impact on her collecting other children (her own or paid) so possible that she is turning you down to prioritise other, perhaps existing, business as you cannot be trusted not to impact this.

This is a reverse isn’t it. Yes you (the childminder) are right. The client sounds like fucking hard work, but why the reverse?

I didn't mean only a Polish girl, but we had one and she was amazing. A girl from anywhere who is nice, and happy to be with your baby.

How awful for you. It’s so stressful getting back to work after mat leave and it feels doubly difficult if your childcare is unreliable. I was really lucky in finding two cms who were perfect and couldn’t have done more to make dc comfortable and happy and to make me feel confident. I specifically asked about flexibility (obviously being clear from the start that I would always expect to pay extra if this was needed) and this paid off for me. As a teacher they were both happy to have my dc late on parents’ evenings etc and it was a real godsend to know they would do that. One of my friends is a cm and I wouldn’t use her as I know she can’t/ won’t offer that sort of flexibility. That is absolutely her prerogative but my job coupled with the lack of available support beyond my cm means it just can’t work.

I suggest you get your council’s cm list and visit every one who has a space and you could reasonably get to. I had to visit a lot, and go further afield than I really wanted) to find one who I genuinely felt I was happy with (and that was before I even bothered to ask the flexibility question!)

I'm assuming with the community centre thing it's a class that your child will be participating with (or at least attending when small) with the childminder looking after all the children they're minding (or their own) during the class. What time had you agreed to drop off? Was it later than the usual pre- work drop off?

The late pick up will have affected her school run. You must appreciate how difficult that it?

If you follow @LotteLupin suggestion then be prepared to pay a lot more. Unless it is an au pair arrangement and she actually moves in then the girl would be a nanny and your employee. As such you would have to pay at least minimum wage, NI contributions and pension contributions. That will end up being a lot more than the £5 or so an hour you were probably paying cm.

Doesn't sound like a good fit for either of you tbh. If there had been no settling in prior to day one then cm should have organised an earlier start with you or changed class day if possible. Also lateness is a sticker and it can be very off putting early on when starting despite it not being your fault.
There are many wonderful childminders, nurseries and nannies out there. Wishing you luck in finding the right childcare for your child and family. Where abouts are you?

So I'm clear I texted 30 mins before pick up time to ask could I go to collect older child first to which she agreed. She was also paid for the extra time. So In regards to the community class with her other child. She was so busy with that that she left my baby's baby bag behind her so I had to go to the community centre the next day to retrieve it. She never once communicated any issue untill pick up on day 3 where she just said she won't be continuing. Her choice entirely but she was paid over and above what was agreed and I suspect a better deal came up and just needed to get rid of our deal quickly. Unfortunate

Thanks for all the advice. Will be definitely taking loads of these tips on board.

I think you need to find a different childminder, although I think it is a little 50/50 who is being unreasonable. But your card is marked with this childminder.
I think it would have been better all round to have stuck to the hours you'll need when you are working rather than chopping and changing. IE dropping baby at 8am, collecting at 5.30 rather than dropping at 9 for a half day. A childminder has a routine and this one might only take mindees before 8.30 to enable time to get to activities, groups etc. Although she could have suggested a quieter day as a tester day.
It was really bad luck to have to be late on day 2, if this were six months down the line you might have found the childminder more receptive.
But you haven't hit it off, so delay your return until you find a new childminder and do the 'getting to know' routine according to the hours you'll actually need.
Most parents I know who have done this use the extra hours they have free to scour charity shops for smart workwear, practice walking in work shoes and batch cook for the first few weeks dinners.

I’m a cm and think it is a bit shoddy that she prioritised her own dcs class over settling in with a new baby. When a new child starts here, I make a real effort to prioritise them, so they settle quickly and get to know me and our routine as fast as possible. There is plenty of time for groups and classes in the future. It doesn’t even sound as though the class was for any one else’s benefit apart from the cms daughter?

I also see myself as ‘here for the family’ and if a child’s older sibling needed collecting quickly, then I would tell the parent to collect them first. One of my parents had to go and help her brother who was in a car crash and I told her to go to him and I’d sort her child. Maybe other cms see me as a bit of a mug, but a little bit of help to people really doesn’t hurt! They added extra on my bill, even though I hadn’t asked for it too and I never know when I will need a favour or an early collection for their child.

I think you have had an unlucky escape from a bad cm tbh. Hopefully you will find a really good cm for your dc in the next few days.

It's difficult to say who is right or wrong just from your account - I'm guessing the childminder would have a very different take on things!

However, as a childminder I essentially have a probationary period in the first 6 weeks so I (or the parent) can end the arrangement quickly if it isn't working out.

You had to drop your child at a community centre so she could take her child to school?

This is a severe breach of safeguarding. Was the person/place CRB checked?

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince the childminder wasn't leaving the baby. It was a class at the community centre (presumably tumble tots, music with mummies or similar).

I know, the parent left the baby. What would have happened if the childminder didn’t turn up to collect the baby?

Even if it was a class, there is no way that it is right to leave a baby with a load of random strangers with no contact details.

The idea of safeguarding, is that it is watertight. So many gaps here.

I’m a teacher at a secondary school, if we take them on a trip we have to check that every child is collected it we know if they are walking home. And these are 14/15 years old. The idea of just leaving a baby....

I just cannot get past this. It has so many gaps and issues!

And just to be right, the problem is the minder not the parent.

@TheEmoji - you aren't understanding. The childminder was at the class with her child. The OP dropped her kid to the childminder at the class. Same as if she had dropped the kid to childminders home and the childminder took both kids to the class...