what do you think on this?

[MightyMoosh]

So im a live-in nanny, which usually ,eans as part of the wage/benefits food is paid for. obv not all food, but it is part of the job. I began my job wednesday and I havent been able to discuss with parents anything, theyve gone away leaving me here, and Im expected to pay for everything. I dont mind paying for stuff like food, getting keys cut and train to meet them monday as long as im reinbursed and its after my first payday, but im now out of money completely. Im paid weekly but assuming its in arrears I dont have enough to support myself and pay train to them. I just wondered if anyone with a nanny, or is a nanny, has any suggestions how to approach this and also what is the amount to expect for food? I buy my own as the family hasnt offered but the prob is im a bigger girl so i dont want them to think its all about food, thats all i think about, but im hungry and i have no money! maybe this is a chance for me to moan but any thoughts at all appreciated.

Er - where are you? At the house where you have the live-in job?

If you haven't got any money you need to speak to your bank, or borrow some from a friend.

Don't get the thing about the train fare. In a live-in job they should be providing food.

If you are live-in, then you help yourself to food at the home... don't you? I would expect a live-in position to provide all food (breakfast, lunch, dinner), though perhaps not misc. snacks, regardless of if you were on duty at the time or not.

Why are you taking a train to meet them on Monday? All travel expenses associated with your duty to care for the children should be covered by your employer. If you were a live-out nanny, then you would be responsible for costs associated with getting to and from your place of work, but not for travel during working hours. Thus for live-in, I can't see that it is any different. If you decided that you would go elsewhere for the weekend, then you would need to cover the cost of that travel - as you decided to leave your accommodation (which should be available 7-days per week).

You need to have a serious word with them regarding the situation - sounds like they may be taking advantage of you.

What does your contract say regarding food, accommodation, expenses etc?

If you are a live in nanny all food should be paid for, with you buying extra treats if you want them. You need to sort this now.

I've had a look at the contract and it doesnt mention food, however this is my first week and the contract isnt signed yet by me or them. I am at the house but the family has a second home in Dorset which is where they want me to travel, as they have guests over the weekend and so dont need me until Monday. I do have a credit card, which is good as I dont know anyone here yet to borrow from! My main concern is the lack of concern on the part of the parents- they didnt ask whether I could afford the travel to meet them, nor if I have food. They have taken most of the food with them so I will raid the larder but its mainly canned beans and chickpeas etc, and cereal. I just really wanted someone to say- yes food should be provided! more as a reassurance because I will be sitting the parents down and discussing this.

I had a really long conversation with my mum today (they always know best!) and she agreed that if I was a less seasoned employee- I mean this isnt my first job in any sector- Id be in a very difficult situation. I do have emergency funds but I suppose this was more of a 'its not just me that thinks this is weird?' rather than 'help me!'

I'm not the type of person who is easily taken advantage of, if the parents were available I would have already had a meeting with them. I did try to bring up the problems such as money, no lock on my bathroom etc but the mum got very snippy and as the children were there (she asked me, I didnt bring it up) I didnt pursue it. I do feel after the weird start to this job, eg Ive yet to meet the husband or asked for P45, if things dont improve after a formal meeting I may think of quitting. is this an over-reaction?

Phone her.

Tell her you'll collect the ticket from the station booking office after she's booked it.

It sounds like you will find it hard to state your case in this job. They sound unpleasant and you sound intimidated.

I wouldn't stay another night, personally.

I feel that you need to write down all your concerns. Then you can have a chat with the parents (or if they are too busy, give them the list).

A nanny contact should mention food... the specimen contract at NannyJob mentions meals at section 2.3.

Alas not unusual for contracts not to be signed until after you have started work. I insist on doing it BEFORE I start work... but that's just me, have not yet found any parent who didn't agree to go along with that. So at your meeting with the parents, mention them signing the contact.

If you are required to work at a second home, then I feel the parents need to pay for all travel costs to/from that home - plus travel should be done during your working hours, or your additional time should be paid.

Do you have a spending kitty? Something else to raise with them... as if you take the children out you will incur expenses. Kitty could also cover travel costs. Some nannies even have their own credit/debit card on their employers account (I've never been that lucky).

The parents do seem a little unconcerned about your welfare... you are new to the area, and they have left you alone in a big city - London is a bit different to Newquay!
Perhaps it is due to being older that they feel you will cope on your own.

I just really wanted someone to say- yes food should be provided!

YES - FOOD SHOULD BE PROVIDED
Think we've all said that though

Not being asked for a P45 is a warning sign... have they done any of the payroll paperwork? Are you their first nanny... have they got the New Employers Pack? If they have had nannies before, they should already have all the paperwork from HMRC.

Make a list... have a meeting (after children are in bed)... agree a date by which changes have to be made - such as make a appointment for another meeting in a weeks time to review the situation. Then at that meeting you can resign if things have not significantly improved. Leave at that moment if possible, else within that week (contact ACAS for advice on notice periods where a contract is unsigned if you require advice on your rights).

I admit at this point it is rempting to leave-I could take all day and go home tomorrow, my parents would welcome me back, however after only one days work I would feel very unproffesional, and as a previous employer I couldnt do it. Also, I dont have the train fare home! I saved up for three weeks to afford to come here, Im from Cornwall and have been living on the dole while paying most of it (30 pound of 38 pound dole) in rent. yeep! Im using the excuse that the mum is very heavily pregnant and could pop at any moment, why she's so snippy. Im having pasta for breakfast today.

Pasta for breakfast, oh dear. I'm having porridge. I'm around today if you want someone to take you out for lunch - I can get to Richmond area (think you are that general location). Text or Email me - contact info

You definately need to sort this, if I were heavily pregnant ad could pop at any moment I would want my nanny arrangements sorted! Sounds a bit dubious to me! I would have a meeting/ talk with a review in a week too and if not happy leave. Let us know how you get on.

Kind offer from nannynick there!

Re quitting or getting through the problems - how close is this job to your ideal job, re location, age of children, pay, etc. etc.? If it's your dream (or close to dream) job otherwise then I wouldn't quit now, I would try to work things through. (Obviously if you're doubtful about the job generally, and even if these things were sorted out you're still not sure you'd be happy, then consider quitting.)

I think that a very-pregnant, summer-holiday-time boss with two houses to think about just might not be firing on all cylinders at the moment, & having the house stocked for you, or that you mightn't have spare funds for travelling, are maybe things that just slipped her mind given what else is on it. Not excusing her, just explaining.

Now is though a completely ideal time for you to think through all your queries about the job (and write them down), so that when you get to their holiday house you can say "sometime this week when it's convenient for you can we have a chat about the details of how this job is going to work?" - I would love it if a newly employed nanny came to me with lots of admin questions (so long as she didn't expect me to be able to answer them all right on the spot, but let me come back with ideas after I'd thought them all through - a written list would be brilliant for that).

As a practical suggestion on the food front, you might do a "suggested weekly menu" for the children (presumably you do all their meals?) - with a shopping list of what is needed for that - and then explain whether or not you expect to eat with the children - and add to the shopping list the basics that you would expect to have for you. As YES food should be supplied, but it really helps to be clear on what exactly is supplied ... we did once have a problem when a nanny ate all the very special prawns dh had bought for a dinner party. His fault!! - he hadn't said anything - but if we'd all been clear about what was what it wouldn't have happened.

I did think this would be a good job, perhaps not a dream job as like most nannies I'd prefer sole charge and this is shared as mums on maternity. It is a good wage, 300 npw which is a lot higher than my last job. however thats all good on paper, I dont know when I'm getting paid! Location wise I didnt care at all where I ended up, it had to be live-in as I'm from Cornwall and there are no nanny jobs down there. Its the age thing that attracted me to this job rather than the other I was offered, there are two toddlers but the newborn enticed me as I'd like more baby experience.

My thoughts at this point are not to quit, especially without consulting the parents. This may be a blip, mums not thinking clearly or as she usually would. Its just a bit strange I think to be laft alone for a weekend after less than a week here!

I didnt expect the house to be stocked or anything like that, its just that the mum doesnt seem to care that im paying for everything myself. getting my keys cut cost 10 pound and I dont know how much the train will be.

As this is shared care, Idont do the childrens meals, although I have only worked one day and this may change. I did kind of accept a lack of autonomy in return for the baby experience, a decision based more in the future than now, but this doesnt mean I should put up with anything now!

I dont eat with the children, in fact I eat in my room as it is a little awkward yet- less than a week here- and when working with the mum on my trial I sat with the boys for breakfast and the mum got me up so often to fetch/do extra breakfast I assumed she didnt want me eating with them. Also on the day I workedafter feeding the boys the mum sat down to eat and told me what to do put youngest down to nap and how to occupy older so I didnt eat that day.

I cant do a shop as I dont yet have a nanny purse or kitty or anything, I was afraid to bring it up after being shouted at (in front of kidddies) for bringing up bathroom lock issue. mIm keeping reciepts in the hope of reinbursement, especially for the keys and train tickets. I probably wont be posting this week as I'll be in Dorset, and I dont know what the situation is there or if theres internet or anything. I dont know where the house is! Ive been told to go to the station but not what to do once there!

I'll keep you posted nice commenting people, I will not be working here much longer if this isnt sorted! Nannynick thats such a sweet thing to offer, giving up your free time for me! Where are you based? Im in St Margarets so can easily walk to richmond or Twickenham or whatever, the only reason Im in the house today is no cash for train fare, I really want to go to the British museum and natural history etc etc. So Im having major fun instead mooching on the web and doing my washing. Yeah! Oh and my email is [email protected] and Im Claire.

I think you need to remember you are an adult and the mother is not meant to be a mother to you. However, you shouldn't have to eat in your room and you shouldn't be going without food. You need to speak up and not expect to be told everything. I have had lots of nanny jobs and lived in as an au pair, then mother's help and finally a full time nanny before I became a live out nanny. Stick it out until the parents return and then I think you need to have a proper talk with them and get things sorted. It will be a lot harder to leave once the baby comes along if you are unhappy. Good luck.

Shouted at, really? Oh dear, that doesn't sound good

Question I should have asked, & not sure if you said - did you get this job through an agency, or some other way, eg gumtree? As your list of issues just now is long enough that if you have an agency I'd definitely talk it through with them - and possibly even get them to talk to your boss. I am quite shocked that you didn't actually get to eat AT ALL on your trial day.

Oh im not expecting a mother, I have one! Im expecting concern from my employer as an employee, as in any job. If this were an office job Id expect not to buy my own paper for the photocopier, and that at some point a boss or manager would say how are you getting on? or something. I dont mind being left here alone as I am an adult and I have done proxy parenting before (kids arnt here, I mean ive been alone as part of my work) I am happier sorting out my own food, I cook for myself, make sure I dont run out and I dont expect to be provided for. I am sorting myself out, Ive explored the house and found the electrics, the washing machines and where stuff is kept like loo roll. I dont expect molly codling!

She sounds like a cow.

The mother that is but I'm sure you know I meant that.

I did eat after work, I walked up the supermarket and got bread! I got this job through gumtree, i found agencies mainly useless. I know all of this can be sorted, hopefully, if the parents listen and take on board my concerns, however all interactions so far lead me to fear they wont listen, or will be uncooperative. Maybe Im overdramatising (is that a word? I know what I mean!) the situation, I just really wanted to moan!

I dont know if shes bovine, just very very pregnant and snippy. Dont know what shes like bump-free!

Hmm. Pregnant and snippy usually translates into not pregnant and snippy.

I don't understand why your working for them with out all these details finalised and sgnied in a contract already, sounds pedantic but these days you never know and all corners need to be covered jsut incase for the nannys benefit and the employers surely????

Seriously though, she's a sloppy employer not to have spelled all this out to you. Leaving you to discover the electrics for yourself. Shouting at you is awful behaviour. And you should have a lock on the bathroom door.

Well i did bring up the contract etc before starting but I feel its been pushed back, I do try to finalise all details before arrival to any job but maybe thats why mum wont discuss things? She feels Im mentioning too often? I wont start work again without a set time for a meeting to discuss all.

The lock is a sticking point, I stayed over for my trial as the trains to cornwall limit my time here during one day, I brought up the lock in an email no worries she said, itll be sorted when you get back. When I brought it up when she asked if everything was ok, she gor so narked ike I was accusing her of somthing bad! She says no-one will come in as its mine and guests only, but I feel vulnerable! I did have someone walk in on me whilst staying at another interview, bad experience. Anyone else think Im being pedantic to bring this up with her?

I really don't think you sound over-dramatic. I think though that you are in danger of being walked over unless you take a really firm line with them now (which in a way is unfair on you as you shouldn't have to do that!) That said ...

I suspect they are people who are very assertive themselves and so don't "get" people who aren't like that - as in they don't pay attention unless you say clearly what you want & are ready to give sound reasons. A pain, but people like that (my dh is one, ahem) can be worked with. Eg re the bathroom lock - put it on your list, and when the discussion gets to that item say "I've found the ideal kind - it's just a snib and goes up high so there's no risk of the children reaching it & locking themselves in - if you can lend me a screwdriver I'll fit it myself." (Ie, you don't bring them a problem, you bring a solution.)