what do you think on this?

[MightyMoosh]

So im a live-in nanny, which usually ,eans as part of the wage/benefits food is paid for. obv not all food, but it is part of the job. I began my job wednesday and I havent been able to discuss with parents anything, theyve gone away leaving me here, and Im expected to pay for everything. I dont mind paying for stuff like food, getting keys cut and train to meet them monday as long as im reinbursed and its after my first payday, but im now out of money completely. Im paid weekly but assuming its in arrears I dont have enough to support myself and pay train to them. I just wondered if anyone with a nanny, or is a nanny, has any suggestions how to approach this and also what is the amount to expect for food? I buy my own as the family hasnt offered but the prob is im a bigger girl so i dont want them to think its all about food, thats all i think about, but im hungry and i have no money! maybe this is a chance for me to moan but any thoughts at all appreciated.

I did think of tha, offering to sort it myself, however just the mention of the lock brought mum into a rage! I said something like 'about the lock in the bathroom...' and she jumped in. luckily the kids are well trained not to use this bathroom, this is half a level up from their rooms and theirs is half a level below. but I cant rule out curriosity, boredom or naugtiness! And guests will use it!

oh dear again ...

Totally agree with you on insisting on a set time for a meeting, and (at risk of being boring & bossy) DO make that written list of issues!! (Might be worth also starting a thread here or on nannyjob on what might be the pitfalls of shared care, so that you can be warned of issues that haven't yet come up in your job ...)

All the very best with it.

oh, and I meant to add - if you get warnings of other possible issues that come up in shared care, you can put those on your list too. Makes you look well-thought-out - plus point for a nanny!

Oh thats a good idea! Now I thought, I'll pop in the shower (yes I am in pygamas wouldnt you be if you had a house to yourself and fluff all to do?) and I reallised Ive put a wash on and my towel is in it aaaaargh Im a moron.

Listen to NKF and Bink.

Then run like the wind.

You can get a live out job and rent somewhere to live.

When the baby arrives the mum will be worse.

Really. This will all end in tears.

Hmmm thats what I hope to avoid I would prefer live-out but sorting a job and a flat, not knowing London seemed a bit much to sort from Cornwall! I may yet be fleeing, but I will still be nannying!

IF i was you then i would sort out a time to sort out any issues within the next week. Your food really should be provided. I work as a live in nanny.If i have to travel as part of the job then all costs are provided upfront.During the week its part of my job to eat with my charge ,sometimes at the weekends i do eat in my room but do not have to. If you fancy some one to talk to then i am only in Kingston

Thats nice of you weather, always good to have someone to talk to! How old is your charge?

He is ten what about your charges. Are you away all week next week, do you know when you are back in London next. I have sent you email with my email address

Thanks for the email, my charges are b3yr b16m and bump, but I dont know when I'll be back as family hasnt told me how long I'll be away for.

Lots and lots of luck for the comming weeks ahead. I know its a bit tough sorting out issues like these but you will be a lot happier once the air has cleared. However do not be afraid to pull out if they do not cleared up no one i am sure ill hold it against you. Please keep in touch when you can and hopfully we will be able to meet up soon its a great area to live in

yes im finding the area great, for me and me the nanny if you get my drift... Ive already joined the library and been into London and stuff, one of the reasons Im really hoping to make this work! Also it took me almost a year to find a job as its bloody expensive to travel up from cornwall for interviews, I needed to save up each time!

pencil me in for a coffee or something when you get back afterwork or a weekend.

I just called the mum to see how long I would be in Dorset for and she did say oh we should have sorted out the ticket out and I'll pay you back etc so Im taking that as a good sign and a positive thingy for the future and so I'll celebrate with a chicken salad (salad and chicken half price as on todays date so I scrapped up enough money!) and a call to my mum to moan.

That sounds more positive. With luck everything will sort itself out over the next week.

Hi all, so I'm back from Dorset at last! Honestly hads I known about this place I would not have taken this job, the house is nice enough huge 8 bedrooms but theres no tv, just one in the lounge which is obv in use by parents after work hours, also no bloody cupboards/drawers in room! Ive been living out of my suitcase for a week! They did ask me to do my days off there and work this monday but seriously I had to go, the thought of two days doing nothing is insane, not even a shop within walking distance and when I did manage to gat some margerine and chicken roll (simple tastes, me!) they ate it! aaaaargh. So many little things making up an uncomfortable whole. But I'll stick it out, what can I say? I left my last job cos they ate my food and dont provide a tv or wrdrobe at one of their houses? yeep. Big chat on feeding nanny went down like lead balloon, basically attitude was we are paying you 450 gross you buy your own food, fair enough if I have some money! Holiday soon, must calm down.

It can be a tough life being a nanny, like a lot of childcare jobs. Not sure why we do it

Staying somewhere remote from other civilisation is not everyone's cup of tea. Sounds like you were not told very much before going - and thus things you expected to have, were not there.

You coped though, that is the main thing. Life is full of little challengers, sometimes big challengers... and it can be good to get through them, and thus know what to expect next time.

I am not a live-in nanny, so I don't know if your wages situation is good or bad. Perhaps others will post giving their view on that.

Will you stick this job out to see how it goes? Say staying for 6 months and then move on?

There is some very good advice here but you did say earlier the money was better than you previously had and "on paper" looked good.

I am afraid it just goes to show that both employers and emploees,really should spend a good amount of time together and take up referneces (previous nannies and emplyers).

We don't pay the highest wage but I our nanny is considered part of the family,has accesss to everything she wants and has as much of a holiday as us when she travels with us.

What I am really saying is money ,really,isn't everything.

I wish you luck as a previous nanny myself,I know how tricky these relationships can be.

I'm also a nanny-employer and I don't think your family are thinking of you the person, they are just thinking about their childcare.

They do also need to respect you as a professional and employee.

I provided my live-in nanny with a tv/dvd, en-suite (actually, without a lock ), food allowance (originally I provided all the food, but our opinions on what constituted food were different so we settled on a food allowance), also car and float for sundries.

At the time we were based very near you in Kingston, and I do feel this is quite standard in the area. I think you are on quite a high weekly rate however, so perhaps the parents feel that this high rate negates some of the perks. Or perhaps they don't know what the standard perks are? Perhaps they haven't really given this much thought at all?

I think perhaps you should sit the mum down and go through the contract - your working hours, perks, float etc etc - and also explain that it's a two-way agreement. You need to know what to expect from them, and they need to know what to expect from you. Be clear about holidays/holiday pay, sickness, travel costs - if they expect you to come on holiday with them (ooh, I bet they go somewhere really exotic ) and on what basis.

Communication is probably the key here and if you put your requests calmly and professionally I don't think they should be able to say no (eg state what you expect and why and don't keep coming back and asking for new stuff every week). I would also clarify if one of the bedrooms in Dorset will be permanently yours and if so ask for some furniture.

Thanks for the advice, unfortunatly that is exactly what I did- sat mum down at a calm down, with contract in hand, to go through points. her attitude was why are you bringing this up? sarcastic responce almost. At this point I'm back alone, but there is no hot water in the house. I thought that was one of the basics! So I called up, respnce was not another crisis, I;ve got the kids ALONE here (I was asked to stay, have the weekend off there but I couldnt face it) I'll call you back in five mins. I waited in for an hour, no call so I washed my hair in the sink and went out (cold water is cold!) She did call today, told me there was no one available to pop by on a bank holiday, could I wait till tonight when they got back, yes I say, wait for her to talk... suddenly shes having a go! If this isnt good enough, what the hell do you want me to do! I didnt know where to put myself.

The main problem for me is not the small problems-lock on door, food issues etc. Its the fact that I cant bring it up in any way without feeling like an arse for petty issues. There is a distinct lack of communication! I learned more about the job/kids/house in ten mins talking to boys grandmother!

(Also if the bathroom was ensuite I wouldnt mind no lock, but its down some stairs) As to Dorset, no I dont have access to a car, one of the reasons I felt so isolated. Also the room is changing every visit as they have different guests. There is a built in closet but its full of boxes/old duvets and when I brought it up the mum was exasperated at me. I darent bring up an own tv, if I cant ask for hot water without being shouted at how can I reosonably ask for a tv?

Oh mighty. She does sound like a nightmare.

It's completely and utterly unreasonable, although I bet she's probably thinking the same of you as you didn't stay to help (not that I'm saying that she's right of course, she's completely in the wrong here).

It seems like you're going to go round in circles here - you'll feel understandably fed up because they're not treating you with any respect or giving you the very basics. This means of course you're not going to want to put yourself out and so she'll feel more stressed and be even more of a cow.

I expect at the moment trying to sort you out is making her more stressed, even though it's definitely not your fault - it's something that she HAS to do as the employer of a nanny.

Is there any way you can approach the dad and ask for these things to be sorted out? I think if they knew that you wanted to go back to London at the weekend because you were bored catatonic then it would help explain why you need things and also that you weren't being unreasonable.

To help things along can you try to deal with as much of it yourself - eg suggest that they give you the money to buy a cheap portable and that you'll get it. You could also do with a portable DVD player with a screen for Dorset (maybe don't ask for all of this at once). Perhaps ask permission get your own lock and put it on (although I realise that the lock isn't the deal breaker here ).

Re the hot water you should be able to find an over-ride button on the boiler to get the water on (although be careful to toggle it back off so that the usual water cycle continues or they might get back with the babies to cold water)

You may find that once everything is sorted out and the mum isn't pg it will be a good job, but you do need to have the boundaries set. If you think you can't hack it any more or the mother turns out to be a psycho-bitch (equally possible) then you'll have no problems finding other work in Kingston/Richmond. Richmond is nicer than Kingston btw.

If all else fails, I hear the Beckhams are looking for a nanny

There is so much wrong with this picture I don't even know where to begin. But, the first thing I'd do in your shoes is hand them a list of expenses complete with receipts and ask for immediate reimbursement. Then I would suggest the kity or at least some kind of monthly budget is extablished with an advance immediately.

This is what my nanny gets each month:
£30 for her mobile phone (and in return I expect her to be contactable on the mobile phone)
£70 to spend on activities however she chooses (which I give her at the begining of the month)
A monthly Greater London bus pass (This costs about £55 per month and would come in very handy in and around St. Margarets)
A membership to the Health club -- where kids also belong and have activities there
For food, she writes what she wants on the list, and I buy it at the store.

My only rule on food is that she is never allowed to drink my last Diet Coke. (Hey, everyone has a vice. And mine is Diet Coke.)

PS My nanny and kids hang out in Twickenham most of the time. If you need a nanny friend I could possibly put you in touch.

Ah yes Eleusis, I forgot I paid for mobile too (I have a live out nanny now and it's a bit different).

Basically I paid for anything that involved my DD (even quite tenuously) and did as much as I could to make my nanny feel comfortable in our house.