Concerns regarding au pairs references, opinions please (sorry long)

[StarryStarryNight]

Girl 1.
It is probably strikingly obvious, but she seems to be so nice, have good experience, but I have issues with her references. She has been nanny for 7 months in Poland, and summer au pair in London from March to July, she is currently in Poland, with a return ticket in August.

She emailed me a reference (unsigned) from a man in Poland with his address and phone number. Cant get through on the phone.
I emailed her and told her that, and I ask for references from her employer in London and a phone number to call. She emails back 4 days later, apologizing saying she has connectivity issues, gives me a new number, a UK mobile number, so I dont know if it is for her English employer, or her Poland employer who is now in Poland. Tried to call her, but cant get through. The UK mobile number is not working either.

So, in effect, I can not check her references.

Girl 2.
She is currently au pair in Germany for the last 9 months, due to go back to Poland shortly. I have asked her for reference for this family and a phone number to call, but she has ignored this question, possibly because she is still working there and might not have handed her notice in. She seems very nice, have sent lots of photos of herself and the kids, and has been working in nursery with disabled children and a dance instructor for teenagers. She wants to study to become a teacher and needs better English.

I am really in two minds, I have been searching long, and there really seem to be hard at the moment to find good girls.

Do references not mean anything anymore? Should I give girl one the benefit of the doubt, or forget her? Should I push girl 2 harder for references, have my polish husband call her and find out what the issue is?

At this rate I will be looking for a part time live out nanny next, and that would not be as good as somebody live in. I cant afford a qualified live in nanny, and the kids are at school and nursery (part time nursery). I work part time.

Any suggestions?

Check the references - it's vital I think. Most nanny/au pair hiring families are aware of the importance of them and usually are willing to give one in writing post employment if they are happy with them.
If not then I would be wary.

I am going to have to force that point, I am after all getting a stranger into my home.

What other sorts of verification should I ask for? Photocopy of passport?

Starry (I'm also a mn convert) I'm having to look again for an AP as mine was for summer.

I think Refs - with contact details - are really important. I would never employ someone without taking up one personal (previous AP family) and one job (any shop or part-time work done).

I got great refs, emails and conversation follow ups for one girl and she lasted 8 days as so cr*p - it turned out that both referees were her Aunts!! So I now always ask if related, as that gives some extra perspective.

Also, I may now sound snobbish, but I ask what her parents did for a job and her level of education. My useless Australian AP had never seen a dishwasher and though burping and farting were hilarious, also swore constantly - her dad was a lorry driver and her mum a bus driver and she'd not finished high school....

Perhaps we should start an AP Employment Bootcamp so we could all pool our knowledge and help others avoid horrors/mistakes...

starry - definetely chec passport. There was a post from a mum a while back that's nanny has cleared off when the kids were asleep and left them alone in the house.
Then the mum found out she had used a fake name so couldn't report it.

Check passports, get a copy.
Check references ask lots of questions.
CRB checks are pretty standard but if they haven't been in the country for 6 months they can't get one I don't think.

Have you thought about a nanny share?? If you are in London sharingcare.co.uk have lots of posts?

Good Points gogetter.

Alycat, do I know you??

Good Points gogetter.

Alycat, do I know you??

Personally, I wouldn't even consider employing someone if I couldn't speak to a former employer. I make a call even if I'm assured by the agency that they've done it. I call all their references.

I asked my polish speaking friend to call to check her reference (girl 1), and she managed to get through, and he said he would not hesitate to to employ her again and the only reason she is leaving is that they have both changed their hours to spend more time with the kids. They are 6 and 8 years old.

Still not sure though.

Have just gone through the same thing.

I would definitely not employ anyone without references. It seems just a bit foolhardy to me. You have no idea that either of the girls have done any of the things she claims to have done unless you can check her references.

So I would explain to the girl that you would like to employ that you hope she understands, you wholeheartedly would like her to join you and your family, but you can't employ her without being able to check her references.

The worry I had about my new (French) au pair is that I couldn't have the equivalent of a police check ...

Personally, I think the only creditable reference comes from an employer who no longer employs her. So not her current job that she hasn't left yet. How can you speak freely about someone who is going to control you childrens safety and happiness for next 3 weeks. You can't. But, once they have gone, then you can say anything you like.

I would never employ someone whose references I hadn't spoken to.

What did your polish friend ask this guy? Punctual? Neat and tidy? Does she party all night? Does she walk around the house in her nickers (don't laugh, I've been there)?

Jura,
I went back and checked on her cv, and SHE says she looked after a two year old boy with him, HE says he had two kids age 6 and 8...

Eleusis, she said talking to him was hard work, it was like "drawing blood out of a stone". So I am actually none the wiser.

Think I am leaning more against girl 2, who I will speak with on the weekend as she is currently au pair and cant talk freely at work.

I also had another application from a girl who has been 20 months in Surrey with a Polish family, so her english is no better than when she left for England, she seems promising too...

This is all doing my head in.

SSN - I think you need to feel confident in your choice. Why bother trying to convince yourself she may be okay? Is it so hard to find au pairs?

@ Starry, maybe I'b been a member for 2 yrs.

@Quattro, there is an agency that does international crb style checks - they do cost more though (crb in UK= £60ish not sure for international)I will try to find the link later.

The thing is, girl 1 spoke very good english on the phone, so I doubt it is for linguistic reasons she is not responding to my questions regarding references, she delays with responding and then blaming connectivity, etc.

On her latest mail she wrote in caps loc and basically said: "Dont worry I have not changed my mind, see you soon". But no info on reference situation. Thought that was a little cheeky.

NKF, YES!!! It is nigh on impossible for many parents including me, they see the words Special Needs and Rural and head for the hills (well London anyway)

I'm sorry Starry, but I don't think you should hire either of these girls. I think your problem is timing. Everyone who wanted a job for the summer probably started it a month or so ago. So the market is probably depleted.

Have you looked for Polish girls who are already in the UK through greataupair.com? You might find there are people ending summer jobs at the end of next month and looking for work.

And I cant afford to pay the inflated rates some rich london families pay their aupairs.
I can only afford the standard rates of £55 for au pair and £70 for au pair plus (in addition some other bonuses such as oyster card and telephone). Some very wealthy London families let their au pairs have loft studios, and pay up to £120 per week just for somebody to take their kids to school and pick them up. Many clever girls have caught on to this, and goes to UNI while they are au pairs...

SSN,

Chase the Polish girl (with the Polish family) like mad!!

Experience in the country *

She is in Surrey, are you in London? Can you meet her?

I agree with another poster, if you are having doubts and talking yourself into it....then she's not right. Believe me I felt this way about the Barbra Cartland addicted (I kid you not)Australian and talked myself into it on the grounds that she was the best of a bad bunch - nightmare.

SSN - I see. I'd still keep trying though. You're clearly not sure about either. Good luck.

Eleusis, I have tried aupair world. net, and there is nothing happening on great au pair, they list girls who have not logged in since May. I also advertised on Gumtree, and have had very interesting responses from male spanish aupairs and girls who write at lengtht that they dont know what to do with their lives!

My last au pair I got of au pair world, and that was so easy, and she was so great!

I agree with SSN, I'm not offering a flat or a car - a pretty bedroom and a shared bathroom with the children with a bus 200 yds and a mainline train 1 mile (my DH walks there and back everyday). Many girls turn their noses up at lack of perks.

Could you offer some other sort of perk? You need a country loving girl.