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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder unable to cope with my child

33 replies

Fefifoefum · 12/06/2019 21:24

My daughter is 15 months old and has been going to a childminder for 2 months now, one day a week, I was really happy, she seemed happy, my daughter seemed happy.
A couple of weeks ago she had problems getting her to nap, she was taking 20 minutes to settle and then only sleeping for 20 minutes. She settles beautifully at home in her cot, and sleeps for two hoursish normally. My mum also has her for one day a week and she sometimes doesn’t nap well for her either.
The last couple of weeks she’s been saying at pick up that she’s had a hard day, my daughter isn’t happy, crying and wanting to be picked up/carried a lot, she’s obviously tired. My daughter is what I would describe as a slightly ‘higher needs’ child, she won’t play independently, needs to be in the same room as me constantly, I can’t so much as pop up stairs to grab something without her melting down, but I thought this was fairly normal for a 1 year old?
However the childminder is now saying she feels ‘unable to meet her needs’ and give her the attention she needs and even ‘joked’ about her needing a nanny. She said at pick up she feels with the other children, her own two year old and another two year old, she’s just unable to give her that attention.
My daughter has definitely formed a bond and seems really fond of her, but I feel like I’ve failed a bit as a parent? Or my daughter isn’t like other 1 year olds.
Do I move her? I’m worried that would unsettle her more... also that the new provider would be wary.
I work shifts so the flexibility the childminder was able to give us was perfect.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Aventurine · 12/06/2019 21:33

Unfortunately I think you'll have to move your dd as the CM is saying she can't cope with her and the others and it's nor fair on your dd either if the CM can't meet her needs

Aventurine · 12/06/2019 21:34

Forgot to say, it's definitely not you or your dd's fault. How could it be?

WatchingFromTheWings · 12/06/2019 21:36

You can see if

WatchingFromTheWings · 12/06/2019 21:37

Wow, not sure what happened there! Sorry! Only just opened the thread and hadn't even read it...

donajimena · 12/06/2019 21:37

Your daughter sounds exactly like my son was and I do think it would have been challenging for anyone else to meet his needs. Its hard for you but at least she is being open and honest.

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 12/06/2019 21:38

I dont think you should have to move her and the decision is yours. However it sounds like the childminder no longer wants to look after your child. In that situation now I wouldn't want my child there. I think moving her will be best for both of you

Knockthreetimes · 12/06/2019 21:41

My 1 year old sounds exactly the same. He goes to the childminders but there is 2 of them so if he is particularly needy or won't sleep then one of them takes him out in the pram

aidelmaidel · 12/06/2019 21:41

Sounds like maybe you need a childminder with a bit more experience? My DD goes through super clingy phases but CM manages despite DD being made of glue

Rolypolybabies · 12/06/2019 21:44

One of mine was the same. They actually did better in a nursery than with a child minder. I think there being more staff made her form bonds with more than one person and they could take a break when she got annoying and pass her on!

RandomMess · 12/06/2019 21:49

I think the one day per week isn't helping tbh!!!

If she went 3 days per week she would nap better there etc as it would be more her "normal routine" a week between visits at that age is a long long time.

Aventurine · 12/06/2019 21:54

My daughter is what I would describe as a slightly ‘higher needs’ child, she won’t play independently, needs to be in the same room as me constantly, I can’t so much as pop up stairs to grab something without her melting down, but I thought this was fairly normal for a 1 year old?
She sounds totally normal. It's separation anxiety which is very normal for a 1 year old. My younger dd was the same and she has good social skills now as a 12 year old

Original poster

Fefifoefum · 12/06/2019 22:14

Thanks for all the reassurance!
I’m going to have a chat with her tomorrow. We have just increased her to another half day a week to see if that helps but I feel really nervous after pick up every day.
I was thinking nursery may be the answer, more staff if one gets particularly tired of her clingon antics and more going on to distract her?

OP posts:

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 12/06/2019 23:17

I think she sounds like a normal 1 year old.

ScatteredMama82 · 12/06/2019 23:23

It sounds like the CM isn't used to dealing with a range of children. My DS2 went through a phase when the CM even had to take him to the loo with her! She's a grandmother, and has looked after kids for 30 years - I think she can cope with anything. For your DD's sake, maybe look for an alternative CM with more experience?

Aventurine · 13/06/2019 10:39

It sounds like she's bitten off more than she can chew. Most people would find a 1 year old and two 2 year olds hard. I found a newborn and toddler hard enough
1 year olds are needy and into everything with no sense of danger and 2 year olds are not much better and with added jealousy/tantrums! Plus you say there are others too

AddictedtoCrunchies · 13/06/2019 11:02

My son was the same and I used to drive away in tears knowing he'd be unhappy. Decided to move him to a nursery and it was the making of him. He settled immediately and was there from 14 months until he started school at 4y 8m. Some children dont like the mc environment.
I went for a visit to the nursery and took him along which went a long way to allay my fears. Hed been so clingy with the cm, but at nursery he just crawled off and started playing. Cue more tears from me. But they were so lovely with him and he did so well there.

RubberTreePlant · 13/06/2019 11:16

She's saying she can't meet her needs. That's it. Her call. Don't make it awkward for her by trying to talk her round.

Start looking at nurseries.

PrincessScarlett · 13/06/2019 12:28

It sounds to me that your CM is dropping hints that she doesn't want to look after your child anymore. As it is her business she is perfectly entitled to give you notice but I think she's slowly dropping hints.

By all means talk to your CM. Your DD sounds perfectly normal to me. I don't think it helps she is only doing one day a week. In my experience it's always harder to settle a child doing one day a week.

fedup21 · 13/06/2019 12:33

I would move her to a nursery.

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 12:35

She's telling you she can't look after your child. You need to listen to that and move her, not increase her hours

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 13/06/2019 12:36

My DS was like this, and my mum said "given his... personality" a nursery would be best, so there would be a team of people to share the pain meet his needs. She was basically afraid anyone left alone with him would bludgeon him and probably themselves too.

He's done really well in nursery, I think it was the right thing to do.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 13/06/2019 12:40

My DD was like this but she improved a lot around 18 months, which I think coincides with separation anxiety decreasing. It sounds like a normal 'high needs' toddler to me rather than any other issue but if the childminder is struggling with the combination of children that she currently has then it may be worth considering other options.

QueenBlueberries · 13/06/2019 12:41

I childminded for 10 years and I've only ever had one child who had similar issues, I have usually managed to get all the children to have naps at the same time and dealt with children of all levels of needs. However, it's very difficult to have a child one day a week, as children learn their behaviour from each other and learn that 'that's how it works at the childminder'.

It's also extremely difficult physically to have a child that needs to be carried a lot. I have a feeling that in a nursery she will be left to cry for a bit as staff cannot carry one/two/three children all the time.

She 'needs' one to one attention all the time probably because she knows that you will give it to her. You need to help her develop strategies to learn to play on her own. Just try to imagine if you'd had twins, or two children very close in age - they would also need attention, how would you cope then?

You would do your DD a great favour if you support her to become more independent in her play, and to not need to be carried around so much. Ask if childminder has tips for you, and I suggest you talk about a 'deadline' say another three weeks to see how you can work together to make it work, then you should accept that she 'd want to give you notice of end of contract, which is usually 4 weeks.

thisusernameun · 13/06/2019 12:43

My son is similar. But the nursery he goes to is fab. One day he only slept 5min all day... To get him to sleep the started by holding him for his sleep... (At home breastfed to sleep)... First day they held him for 1.5 hours... Now he takes himself off to sleep.. This was obviously only possible as more than 1 person there..

Butterymuffin · 13/06/2019 12:59

Agree that one day a week makes it harder. As well as looking at nurseries, how about going for two full days a week and maybe taking an extra shift at work?

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